Problematic in-laws

[Bestfriends14]

Thank you, everyone, for your advice. I think my husband has no intention of heading up for our birthdays and will tell them so. This should be an "interesting" next several months. As my husband progresses, going up won't be an option and will they come down? Who knows.

Thank you again to all!

 

[affected]

I'm really late piling on here!

I'm really glad your husband doesn't want to travel to them. I don't think that would be the right thing to do as it really justifies to them that running away was perfectly ok.

Have you and your husband been able to really talk about how you both feel about this? Like you talk to him about how you feel as well and get some of the anger and frustration out by discussing your feelings together? I'm just wondering if not doing this is behind you lashing out at him? Maybe together you can decide what you will say to your friends around you about them having moved away, how you will reply to them about birthdays etc

If you can't both talk honestly about this, it does create a lot of friction between you both and that is awful when you are already dealing with so much.

I'm so sorry they did this. Family never cease to amaze me when they do these huge knee jerk reactions that are so self centred. I'm so glad you could start to talk about it here - suffering it alone in silence is doubly awful. Please let us know how you go working this through.

 

[Bestfriends14]

Hi Tillie,

We were able to talk about my anger over the situation, however, I was not completely forthright in how I felt if my husband were to give into his dad's wishes for him to run up there for a nice happy visit. The good thing is, though, is that my husband brought it up and said he was not going to go up for any visits any time soon. I believe this was the last straw for my husband in allowing his dad to act anyway he wants and continue to mistreat everyone around him.

I'm so thankful we have a wonderful, supportive network of friends around us that are there for hubby when he needs them. I think they are my husband's thread to sanity in some tough times.

Thanks, Tillie.

 

[Bestfriends14]

Good Lord, it just gets all the more dramatic. In speaking with my aunt (in-law?) today, apparently FIL has been telling people that it is my fault that they moved away and that I was looking to keep my husband to myself since the diagnosis. Of course that couldn't be farther from the truth. Sheesh, what an unhealthy situation this is turning into. Good grief.

 

[affected]

I hope your aunt understands the true situation? I would imagine the family know what he is like and take anything he says with a grain of salt.

Let's also remember this - each person is responsible for their own actions. To say it is 'your fault' they moved away is the most ludicrous pile of crap. You have no ability to force that to happen, not even if you wanted to!

Maybe your aunt will be a balancing force talking to 'everyone' the FIL has been telling.

If not, maybe you can remove yourself from it all.

I learned to stick with this as someone said it to me when I was a CALS and it really helped me. "If you are not going to be a part of my solution, you sure as hell are not going to be my problem."

Hugs to you.

 

[Narrowminded]

Best I am so sorry to hear the drama continues. As Tillie says, you cannot force someone to move. That is a ludicrous statement. If you were truly keeping your DH to yourself, it would not matter where they lived. Sending huge hugs and prayers that this aunt does understand as Tillie says.