Post things to cheer up people

Status
Not open for further replies.

lovelily

Distinguished member
Joined
Nov 27, 2007
Messages
390
Country
US
State
NJ
City
Northern
Hey Al....I'm 1/2 Polish. I didn't get #4? :-D

take care
lovelily
 

PDaddy

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 8, 2008
Messages
264
Diagnosis
04/2008
Country
US
State
CA
City
Claremont
Which half of #4 didn't you get? hehe
 

Al

Moderator emeritus
Joined
May 25, 2004
Messages
8,083
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2003
Country
CA
State
On
City
NW of Toronto
Obviously you're not a very polished Pole. LOL.

al.
 

Al

Moderator emeritus
Joined
May 25, 2004
Messages
8,083
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2003
Country
CA
State
On
City
NW of Toronto
Before anybody gets upset about stereotypes. Yes my ancestry is Irish.

Baptising an Irishman







A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.



He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.



The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereu= pon he asks the drunk,



"Are you ready to find Jesus?"



The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."



So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.



He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?" <= /span>



The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus."



The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.



He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus=20= me brother?"



The drunk again answers, "No,oi I haven't found Jesus."



By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when h= e begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks th= e drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"



(Are you ready for this?)











The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "= Are you sure dis is where he fell in?"
 

MtPockets

Very helpful member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
1,544
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2006
Country
US
State
Ms
City
Gulfport
Mississippi Humor

LT and Billy Bob are walking down a street while in Jackson, Mississippi, and they see a sign on a store which reads, 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair.'

LT says to his pal, 'Billy Bob, Look here! We could buy a whole gob of these, take 'em back to Millen, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Now when we go in there you be quiet, okay? Just let me do the talkin' 'cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Mississippi drawl so's they don't know.'

They go in and LT says with his best fake Mississippi drawl, 'I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ....'

The owner of the shop interrupts, 'Ya'll are from Georgia, ain't you?'
'Well...yeah,' says a surprised LT....'How come you know tat?! '

'Because;

this is a dry-cleaners.'
 

olly

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
2,743
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2007
Country
uk
State
uk
City
uk
AL...........that joke was soooo funny,had me and my son in stiches.
CAPT AL............my son does a really good alabama accent and is so funny.
i try to get him to talk to lorie,if she heard his impression she would either be mortified or totally crack up with laughter.
take real good care both of you.
caroline:-D
 

olly

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
2,743
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2007
Country
uk
State
uk
City
uk
dead unlucky

ok,i know this thread is to cheer people up.
i found this in the paper today
i thought you may want to read about these poor misfortunate souls and there sudden bizzare way of leaving this world.
link was too long,you can go to www.dailymail.co.uk and type in dead unlucky in search.
these are extracts from a new book 101 ways to die.
here are a few of the weirdest.

A 58-year-old man from Albany, Australia, was blowing a chewing gum bubble while driving when it burst and stuck to his glasses. Blinded, he drove off the road and plunged down a hill to his death.

A 40-year-old golfer was killed by a rat which ran up his trouser leg while he hunted for a lost ball at Caddockstown golf course in County Kildare, Ireland. Doctors believe that the deadly Weil's disease carried by the rat was passed from the victim's fingers to his mouth, when he touched his leg and then smoked a cigar.

A man from Cambridgeshire was killed in February 2004 when his wardrobe fell to the floor and pinned the door shut while he was cleaning inside. He was found dead inside after trying to gouge his way out for a week.

In the United States, an average of ten people a year meet their end after breathing in gas from manure pits. In 1989, five dairy farm workers from Michigan died after becoming overcome by methane fumes when one of them slipped into a manure pit, and the others went to try to rescue him.

In March 1989, in South Carolina, prisoner Michael Anderson Godwin, who had recently had his sentence of execution by electric chair reduced to life imprisonment, died while he was sitting on the metal toilet in his cell. He was trying to fix his TV set, bit into the wire and electrocuted himself.


In March 1992, Russian chess grand master Gudkov outwitted and checkmated a computer three times in a row at a public tournament in Moscow. The next time he touched the machine, however, it electrocuted him and, despite being rushed to hospital, he died.

In 1996, a peasant woman who was boiling plums to make brandy in the Romanian village of Ruginoasa died when the flames under her stove set off a buried World War II shell.

In November 2005, Li Xiao Meng, 16, a budding guitarist from China, got so carried away while bouncing on his bed mimicking a rock star that he flew out of his window and fell three floors to his death.

Shy Japanese couple Sachi and Tomio Hidaka waited 14 years before making love for the first time in 1992. The excitement proved too much and both died of heart attacks, although neither had a history of heart trouble.

A Brazilian pilot was showing off to his girlfriend by performing loop-the-loops over her house in his Cessna aircraft. At the bottom of one loop, he flew low over the house and shouted 'I love you' - just before the wing of his plane clipped the chimney and sent the plane crashing to the ground, killing him instantly.

take good care,you never know .
caroline
 

karin

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2005
Messages
14
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
02/2000
Country
CA
State
ON
City
Toronto
A man visits his elderly father in the nursing home. Just before bedtime, the nurse enters and gives the dad his medication: a little yellow pill and a (familiar looking) blue pill.

After saying goodnight he stops at the nursing station, and asks the nurse:

"I would just like to know what my dad's meds are for."

"Oh, no problem. The little yellow one is to help him fall asleep."

"Well, that's fine, but what in the world does he need the Viagra for?"

"He gets the Viagra, so he doesn't roll over and fall out of bed at night."
 

brendapals

Senior member
Joined
Jul 6, 2008
Messages
957
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
06/2008
Country
US
State
any
City
any
ok kids, here is my cheerful addition to the forum tonight!

I just figured out how to make the smiley faces show up:roll::cool::lol:, I thought it was just putting the words in there, boy, was I silly!

So now I guess we can look for me to add little faces once in a while, makes it a banner day for me!

hugs and prayers to all,
Keep the faith,
brenda
 

olly

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
2,743
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2007
Country
uk
State
uk
City
uk
something for the ladies

HOW TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE.

1 open a new file on your computer.
2 name it "housework".
3 send it to the "recycle bin".
4 empty the "recycle bin".
5 your computer will ask you "are you sure you want to delete house work
permanetly"?.
6 calmly answer "yes" and press the mouse button firmly.
7 house work is done :twisted:.................feel better?


take good care.
caroline:-D
 

Al

Moderator emeritus
Joined
May 25, 2004
Messages
8,083
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2003
Country
CA
State
On
City
NW of Toronto
An old man goes into a chemist to buy some Viagra.
'Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?'
'I can cut them for you' said the chemist 'but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection.'
'I am 96' said the old man . 'I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers.'
 

BethU

Extremely helpful member
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
2,646
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2008
Country
US
State
California
City
Los Angeles
A New Low

Since there's no thread on "Ways Emotional Lability Has Publically Humiliated You Recently," I'll have to post this here.

This is what I HOPE will be the dumbest over-reaction in my life:

At the grocery store this afternoon, the checker remembered that I take both paper and plastic, and I burst into tears.

BethU
 

happy

Distinguished member
Joined
Feb 11, 2008
Messages
203
Reason
Learn about ALS
Country
US
State
CA
City
Fair Oaks
A zebra dies and goes to heaven, upon entering the gate St Peter is standing there waiting. The zebra asks Peter, I am not ready to die, I always wanted to know if I am a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes. St Peter told the zebra go and ask God.
The zebra stands before God and asks God am I a black zebra with white stripes or a white zebra with black stripes....God replied "You are what you are"
the zebra returns to St Peter and he said God didn't say, he only said "You are what you are."
St. Peter said, "Then you must be a white zebra with black stripes" because if you were a black zebra with white stripes he would have said " You is what you is". :mrgreen:
 

quadbliss

Distinguished member
Joined
Dec 12, 2006
Messages
395
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
07/1998
Country
US
State
California
City
Benicia
I don't think racial jokes, or any joke that could potentially alienate or hurt people, are appropriate on this forum.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top