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I am so so sorry for your loss. May he be in a better place and may you also have peace. This post really struck a nerve. My father has also started to show serious signs of not being able to swallow. He refuses a feeding tube and i am literally watching him deteriorate in front of my eyes. There really isnt anything I can say or do for his pain or my pain. We all just have to go through it I guess. Thank you for sharing this with us and I hope you and your family have better times ahead. You sound like a really caring, loving son.
 
Thank you all for the support, I must have read this entire post a hundred times over and refreshed it thousands more than that. I want you all to know how much each response means to me.

I feel extremely lost and depressed without my father, but one thing that sticks out in my mind is him saying "I'm so sorry" to me over and over last week, and I couldn't understand why. Then I started thinking about what Mike said and realized, more than anything he wouldn't want me to hurt this badly. I'm beginning my research on the stages of grief, and trying to recognize where I'm at.

Right now, all I want to do is sleep. I'm very tired. I know it's partially depression.. but I also think these last 3 years have taken a toll on me, and my mind and body need rest to heal.
 
"these last 3 years have taken a toll on me, and my mind and body need rest to heal."

Exactly. Been there. So a couple months after my wife died, I packed up my two teenagers and their girlfriends and took them to Rome and Venice for a couple weeks. Made a big difference.
 
I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I am sure that he is so proud of you being there with him until the end. You truly need and deserve time to rest and heal. Take comfort in the fact that you were a great son and now your father is free of this terrible disease. He will always be with you in your heart.

You are in my prayers.

Sharon
 
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