Santa joe
Senior member
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2013
- Messages
- 638
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 02/2012
- Country
- US
- State
- South Carolina
- City
- Goose Creek
I don't want to ruin the upbeat momentum of this party, but I feel a bad pity party coming on for me. Today is a year ago my PALS went on a vent. I knew this was going to be a difficult journey but I had no idea the hell this last year would be. For those who haven't read my blog, my husband is the love of my life. I don't want him to die but I do want this to be over. Do y'all understand what I'm saying? I can't believe I'm thinking that much more less typing it. Am I a bad person? I watch him lie in this bed, unable to do anything except watch TV. My heart breaks for him. This is not living. He is existing. Why should I feel sorry for myself - look at what he is going through. When he was first vented, I thought my sole purpose in life was to keep him alive. I no longer feel that way. The good Lord knows when that day will come. I read on a post where a vent patient can live up to 20 years. I cannot emotionally or physically do this for that long. I felt like throwing up when I read that.
I'm still looking for some help here. It's not that easy. Like I said before - finding someone vent trained or willing to be can be a challenge. My sister (who lives 2 doors down) said she is willing to try. I know she is scared to death. I get it. Such a big responsibility to ask of someone. She's been here when I've had to bag him. I think she feels sorry for me. I hope it works out. Maybe I can get away for a couple of hours once a week. I know how important that is for us CALS.
Even though I don't personally know y'all, I feel a bond with each and everyone of my CALS. We are all in this together. This forum has been my lifeline. Love to everyone!
I'm still looking for some help here. It's not that easy. Like I said before - finding someone vent trained or willing to be can be a challenge. My sister (who lives 2 doors down) said she is willing to try. I know she is scared to death. I get it. Such a big responsibility to ask of someone. She's been here when I've had to bag him. I think she feels sorry for me. I hope it works out. Maybe I can get away for a couple of hours once a week. I know how important that is for us CALS.
Even though I don't personally know y'all, I feel a bond with each and everyone of my CALS. We are all in this together. This forum has been my lifeline. Love to everyone!