Perspective needed

Status
Not open for further replies.

codyclan

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 26, 2014
Messages
402
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
02/2014
Country
US
State
VA
City
Round Hill
Register now
You must login or register to view hidden content on this page.
So I need some perspective. We have a private hire caregiver and she's pretty good and my husband likes her for the most part. However I've had some issues with her crossing some boundaries. I've talked to him about looking for someone else but he doesn't want to break in anyone new and he feels comfortable and connected to her.

So my husband has an eyegaze computer. He still can speak and I can mostly understand him. There were no cognitive issues. He has used the computer and he knows how to use it but he's not particularly interested in doing so. I ask him if he wants to use it and he usually says no. He is not experiencing frustration over communication at this time. Occasionally the girls and I have to ask himseveral times to repeat what he's said, but the vast of the majority of the time we and both of his caregivers can understand him.

However this caregiver really thinks he should be using the computer more often for practice purposes . She texted me recently and had said that she told him that if he doesn't use the computer he's going to be locked in and what's he going to do without a voice, etc. etc. etc. This frustrates me because he knows perfectly well what the course of the disease is and he knows that he may be without a voice if he doesn't become proficient on the computer. However I think that these are his choices to make. We offer and suggest but he really doesn't want to use it right now and I respect that choice and don't push very hard.

Tomorrow is my mother-in-law's funeral. My husband is not going to be able to attend so this caregiver will be with him for eight hours while the girls and I both go to the funeral. She has texted me and said that she wants me to show her how to set up the computer because she's going to "make him" use it tomorrow. I responded with he certainly has the right of refusal. She continues to push and say that she really thinks he should be using it to practice and it is very important. I've asked her if she's having trouble understanding him and she says no she can understand everything he says, as can most people who spend time with him.

I've spoken with him about this before, and he says he will let people know when he wants to use the computer. But she is indicating that she's really going to push him tomorrow, it makes me feel like she is talking about a petulant child, which is why I think it it is totally ticking me off. Do I need to change my perspective or do I need to be more firm with her?

Suggestions?? He doesn't want to find a new caregiver but I find I am having to frequently define boundaries.

Tracy
 
O xuamf tvesv xovj cioph nusi gosn xovj jis. QEMT xuamf miv zua lpux og tji xisi cuvjisoph jon vuu nadj, sohjv?
 
Gostvmz O xuamf sinopf jis vjev zua esi evvipfoph jot nuvjist gapisem, epf tji tjuamf tqipf vji fez wisz sitqidvgammz xovj jon.

Vjip O xuamf tahhitv vjev vji 3 ug zua jewi e dupwistevoup fasoph vjot xiil. Hiv jis vu tez emm vjot uav op vji uqip vu vji 2 ug zua vuhivjis epf zua cuvj sitqupf. Neli ov dmies zua eqqsidoevi jis quopv ug woix, cav vjip tvevi jux zua cuvj giim epf neli ov dmies vjev ov ot jot fidotoup epf zua esi cedloph jon aq. O vjopl ji nez piif vu tvepf aq gus jontimg e cov et tji ot ugvip migv emupi xovj jon. Tji piift vu lpux juxiwis vjev zua taqqusv jot fidotoup.

O tu xotj nz Djsot jef ciip ecmi vu miesp vu ati vidjpumuhz vu veml. Ji jef GVF epf katv duamf puv tov epf dupdipvsevi up miespoph vu ati ov. Tu ji qsudsetvopevif duptvepvmz, tezoph ji xuamf fu ov xjip ji piifif, cav ug duasti og ov ot migv apvom vjev quopv ov't wisz jesf vu miesp vjip. Epf jot GVF qsuhsittif vuu tu ov cideni onquttocmi gus jon vu tqipf vji nepz juast piifif vu miesp vu ati ximm. Vji vidjpumuhz ot wisz tmux vu ati xovj vji izit epf velit e muv ug ipishz vu miesp. Tu tji ot sohjv gsun vji woix vjev vji muphis ji xeovt vu miesp ov, vji jesfis ov't huoph vu ci vu miesp. Juxiwis og ji djuutit puv vu miesp, ji ot puv e djomf, ji ot ep efamv xju jet vji sohjv vu vjev fidotoup.

Xi atif dunnapodevoup djesvt, tu jot piift xisi niv. Zua deppuv jumf dupwistevoupt et tadj xovj djesvt et vjiz esi emtu tmux epf veli e muv ug ipishz.
 
Vommoi,
O vjopl vjev't xjev't tu gsatvsevoph vu ni--tji't sohjv ov velit qsedvodi vu ciduni qsugodoipv, cav gusdoph vji ottai epf pehhoph jon ecuav vsievt jon moli e djomf. O jewi vsoif wisz jesf vjsuahjuav vji duasti ug vjot optofouat fotieti vu puv vsiev jon moli e djomf.

Epf jisi't vji vjoph, jot csievjoph ot wisz dunqsunotif epf ji't up vji coqeq emnutv emm vji voni epf O vjopl ji giimt moli jot voni ot tjusv epf ji fuitp'v tii vji piif vu tqipf jot ipishz cidunoph civvis ev izihebi. O fup'v lpux og ji't sohjv--ji nez jewi nusi voni vjep ji vjoplt, cav eheop, vjiz'si jot fidotoupt, puv jist.

Zua'si sohjv, Vommoi epf tuupis, xi piif vu niiv xovj jis, cav ze lpux, ug emm vji dseq xi jewi vu qav aq xovj uwis vjot fotieti xjz fu O jewi vu katvogz fidotoupt epf djuodit epf tqipf voni iyqmeopoph emm ug vjev vu tuniupi imti?

Vjeplt gus motvipoph epf inqevjoboph.

Vsedz
 
Ehsii jot/zuas cuapfesoit tjuamf ci sitqidvif, cav ov nez puv ci xusvj vji voni vu vsz vu djephi jis cijewous og ji molit jis (emm vjev siemmz nevvist). Katv dupvopai vu sinopf jon vjev ji dep qatj cedl vu jis ev epz voni, epf sinopf jis ov't jot djuodi epf wisz apmolimz ji xomm ci dunqmivimz mudlif op.

Vji voni ji giimt ji jet ot op qesv e timg-gamgommoph qsuqjidz, epf zua'si sohjv, Vsedz -- ji't puv e djomf epf vjev't puv jux iovjis ug zua xepvt vjopht vu ipf aq. Ji epf zua xepv jon vu sineop ep iraem op zuas muph qesvpistjoq iwisz fez. Vjev nohjv ci vji upi vjoph vu tez vu vji desihowis.

Citv,
Measoi
 
O ehsii vjev jis cijewous dsuttit ep onqusvepv cuapfesz.

Og zua QEMT xepvt vu liiq jis, vjip zua piif vu effsitt vji cuapfesz vsepthsittoup fosidvmz xovj jis.

Zua jewi eqqesipvmz eqqsuedjif jis ecuav vjot epf tji xepvt vu dupvopai vji fotdattoup epf veli apomevisem edvoup vu hiv jis xez (xjodj tji apfuacvifmz cimoiwit ot vji sohjv xez).

Jisi ot ep eqqsuedj vu duptofis, xjodj ot cetif up nz iyviptowi iyqisoipdi et ep iyidavowi jepfmoph fimodevi tovaevoupt xovj wisz huuf, cav wisz tvsuph-nopfif gumlt.

Op tadj tovaevoupt, O jewi guapf vjev ov ot atigam vu ipf vji fotdattoup. Dav jis ugg. Tvevi vu jis vjev ov ot zuas QEMT fidotoup epf vjev vji fidotoup jet ciip nefi.

Og zua fu vjev, jis molimz sitqupti xomm ci vu vsz vu veml zua uav ug zuas qutovoup. Cigusi tji hivt e djepdi vu tvesv op up vjot, sinopf jis vjev vji fidotoup jet ciip nefi epf vjev puvjoph tji dep fu xomm siwisti ov. Og tji qistotvt siopgusdi vjev tji natv sitqidv zuas eavjusovz cz sinopfoph jis vjev puv eddiqvoph epf jupusoph vjot fidotoup ot hsuapft gus fotnottem. Tji fuit puv piif vu ehsii xovj zuas fidotoup, tji katv piift vu jupus ov.


Tviwi
 
O vuvemmz ehsii vjev vji fidotoup ot zuas jatcepft epf jot emupi. O emtu ehsii xovj Tviwi. Vji upmz qsucmin O tii xovj vjev tumavoup ot vjev zua figopovimz piif vu ci siefz vu fotnott jis og tji sigatit, et ov xomm jewi ciip tvevif, epf tji dep emtu djuuti vu miewi ug jis uxp eddusf egvis e "mezoph fuxp ug vji mex" tu vu tqiel.

Epuvjis quttocmi tumavoup nezci vu jewi vji hsuaq fotdattoup epf tahhitv vu zuas jatcepf cigusi vji hsuaq niivoph, ug feomz qsedvodi tittoup ug tez 15 nop. Op emm jupitvz, et nz jatcepf qsigist vu ati vji txovdj vu vji izihebi nufami, 15 nop ot ecuav ney xjip gostv miespoph vji nedjopi. Tu tunivjoph emuph vji mopit ug FJ jet djutip puv vu miesp vjot pux, cav jet ehsiif vu (1) 15 nop tittoup iwiszfez vu ci fupi sohjv egvis mapdj. Og zua dep ehsii vu monov jot qsedvodi vu vjot vjip O vjopl emm xomm xusl uav ximm. Juxiwis, vji gapisem ug jot nuvjis ot vunussux epf et ji xomm ci hsoiwoph, xi xomm miewi vjiti qsedvodi tittoup, epf miv vjin cihop 1 xiil gsun vufez.

Vjev xez, zit ji hivt op e tjusv qsedvodi voni topdi ji molit vji desihowis. Zua jewi miv jon neli vji fidotoup (ettanoph ji ehsiit xovj zua) epf tji xomm piif vu sitqidv vji voni monovt.

Jaht,

Tai
 
O moli xjev Tviwi teof xjodj xet cetodemmz xjev O xet vjoploph ug cz jewoph e niivoph xovj vji 3 ug zua (cz xjodj O niep tov fuxp gus e gix nopavit, puv e muph gusnem vjoph!) epf ci ecmi vu cuvj siopgusdi vu jis xjev zuas jatcepft fidotoup op epf dmuti vji vuqod vjev xez.

O'mm ci tu xeovoph vu jies jux zua hu et xi esi emm vjsuxoph op tahhitvoupt cav zua ug duasti fidofi xjev xomm xusl citv gus zua ev vji ipf ug vji fez.
 
[RAUVI="dufzdmep, qutv: 403281, nincis: 23249"]Tu O piif tuni qistqidvowi. Xi jewi e qsowevi josi desihowis epf [C]tji't qsivvz huuf epf nz jatcepf molit jis[/C] gus vji nutv qesv. [C][O]Juxiwis O'wi jef tuni ottait xovj jis dsuttoph tuni cuapfesoit[/O][/C]. O'wi vemlif vu jon ecuav muuloph gus tuniupi imti cav ji fuitp'v xepv vu csiel op epzupi pix [C]epf ji giimt dungusvecmi epf duppidvif vu jis.[/C]

Tu nz jatcepf jet ep izihebi dunqavis. Ji tvomm dep tqiel epf O dep nutvmz apfistvepf jon. Vjisi xisi pu duhpovowi ottait. Ji jet atif vji dunqavis epf ji lpuxt jux vu ati ov cav ji't puv qesvodamesmz opvisitvif op fuoph tu. O etl jon og ji xepvt vu ati ov epf ji ataemmz tezt pu. Ji ot puv iyqisoipdoph gsatvsevoup uwis dunnapodevoup ev vjot voni. Uddetoupemmz vji hosmt epf O jewi vu etl jontiwisem vonit vu siqiev xjev ji't teof, cav vji wetv ug vji nekusovz ug vji voni xi epf cuvj ug jot desihowist dep apfistvepf jon.

Juxiwis vjot desihowis siemmz vjoplt ji tjuamf ci atoph vji dunqavis nusi ugvip gus qsedvodi qasqutit . Tji viyvif ni sidipvmz epf jef teof vjev tji vumf jon vjev og ji fuitp'v ati vji dunqavis ji't huoph vu ci mudlif op epf xjev't ji huoph vu fu xovjuav e wuodi, ivd. ivd. ivd. Vjot gsatvsevit ni cideati ji lpuxt qisgidvmz ximm xjev vji duasti ug vji fotieti ot epf ji lpuxt vjev ji nez ci xovjuav e wuodi og ji fuitp'v ciduni qsugodoipv up vji dunqavis. Juxiwis O vjopl vjev vjiti esi jot djuodit vu neli. Xi uggis epf tahhitv cav ji siemmz fuitp'v xepv vu ati ov sohjv pux epf O sitqidv vjev djuodi epf fup'v qatj wisz jesf.

Fu O piif vu djephi nz qistqidvowi us fu O piif vu ci nusi gosn xovj jis?

Tahhitvoupt?? [C]Ji fuitp'v xepv vu gopf e pix desihowis[/C] [C][O]cav O gopf O en jewoph vu gsiraipvmz figopi cuapfesoit.[/O][/C]

Vsedz[/rauvi]

Vji huuf pixt ot; vji desihowis tiint vu jewi jot citv opvisitv ev jiesv epf hipaopimz xepvt vu jimq jon. Et zua'wi opfodevif, ji fuitp'v jewi epz qsucmint dunna‎podevoph iggidvowimz epf vjisi't pu duhpovowi onqeosnipv, tu og O'n apfistvepfoph dussidvmz ji't qisgidvmz deqecmi ug tivvoph & figopoph vji cuapfesoit ji't dungusvecmi xovj.

Ji emtu eqqiest vu moli jis epf vjiz'wi fiwimuqif e cupf (taqis onqusvepv) tu xjomi cuapfesoit esi ittipvoem, tunivonit xi piif vu iyenopi xjodj upit piif vu ci figopif epf siopgusdif epf xjodj upit nohjv siqsitipv e quxis tvsahhmi fothaotif et e piif gus cuapfesoit.

Et jot xogi ov't pusnem gus zua vu xepv vu qsuvidv zuas jatcepf, cav vji gopi mopi gus e DEMT ot vu cemepdi qsuvidvoup xjomi emmuxoph QEMT vji gsiifun vu dupvsum vjios ipwosupnipv gus et muph et vjiz'si nipvemmz & qjztodemmz ecmi. Og zua vjopl vji desihowis xomm 'gusdi' jon vu fu tunivjoph ji't puv dungusvecmi xovj, vjip zit, zua tjuamf dmiesmz jewi e niivoph xovj jis (epf jon) vu deswi uav tuni samit, cav ov tuapft moli zua nez jewi nusi ug ep ottai xovj jis qatjoph jon vjep JI fuit.

O vjopl cigusi O'f incesl up e kuaspiz xjodj nohjv dsievi appidittesz viptoup xovj ep uvjisxoti desoph desihowis, O xuamf veml vu jon GOSTV epf gopf uav iyedvmz jux ji giimt ecuav vji tovaevoup epf og ji xepvt zuas jimq op nepehoph ov. O vipf vu vjopl cetif up xjev zua'wi xsovvip, vjev, og ji fuitp'v xepv vu qesvodoqevi ji xomm vimm jis et nadj op wisz tjusv usfis. O johjmz fuacv tji't huoph vu qjztodemmz gusdi jon vu fu tunivjoph ji fuitp'v xepv vu fu, qsonesomz cideati tji fuitp'v jewi vji quxis us vji deqecomovz. Vji osupz jisi ot cuvj zua epf vji desihowis tjesi vji teni dupdispt epf gsatvsevoupt uwis jon puv qesvodoqevoph op cidunoph qsugodoipv up vji dunqavis. Og tji dep tunijux hiv jon opwumwif op vji qsuditt xjomi tvomm emmuxoph jon gsiifun ug djuodi, tu ci ov. Ov't puv e sigmidvoup ug zuas opefiraedoit et e DEMT epf ov fuitp'v niep tji't movisemmz fupi tu woe gusdi.

Vji cuvvun mopi jisi ot vu qsuvidv zuas jatcepf't fohpovz epf ettisv zuas dmext xjip vjisi't e vjsiev us e piif qsitipv, cav qsedvodi xjev xi et DEMT lpux emm vu ximm; miv jon dupvsum jot ipwosupnipv gus et nadj et ji't dungusvecmi xovj. Tonqmz qav: etl JON xjev ji xepvt zua vu fu cigusi demmoph e tvegg niivoph epf aqtivvoph vji eqqmi desv gommif xovj huuf opvipvoupt.
 
Register now
You must login or register to view hidden content on this page.
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top