codyclan
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2014
- Messages
- 402
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 02/2014
- Country
- US
- State
- VA
- City
- Round Hill
So I need some perspective. We have a private hire caregiver and she's pretty good and my husband likes her for the most part. However I've had some issues with her crossing some boundaries. I've talked to him about looking for someone else but he doesn't want to break in anyone new and he feels comfortable and connected to her.
So my husband has an eyegaze computer. He still can speak and I can mostly understand him. There were no cognitive issues. He has used the computer and he knows how to use it but he's not particularly interested in doing so. I ask him if he wants to use it and he usually says no. He is not experiencing frustration over communication at this time. Occasionally the girls and I have to ask himseveral times to repeat what he's said, but the vast of the majority of the time we and both of his caregivers can understand him.
However this caregiver really thinks he should be using the computer more often for practice purposes . She texted me recently and had said that she told him that if he doesn't use the computer he's going to be locked in and what's he going to do without a voice, etc. etc. etc. This frustrates me because he knows perfectly well what the course of the disease is and he knows that he may be without a voice if he doesn't become proficient on the computer. However I think that these are his choices to make. We offer and suggest but he really doesn't want to use it right now and I respect that choice and don't push very hard.
Tomorrow is my mother-in-law's funeral. My husband is not going to be able to attend so this caregiver will be with him for eight hours while the girls and I both go to the funeral. She has texted me and said that she wants me to show her how to set up the computer because she's going to "make him" use it tomorrow. I responded with he certainly has the right of refusal. She continues to push and say that she really thinks he should be using it to practice and it is very important. I've asked her if she's having trouble understanding him and she says no she can understand everything he says, as can most people who spend time with him.
I've spoken with him about this before, and he says he will let people know when he wants to use the computer. But she is indicating that she's really going to push him tomorrow, it makes me feel like she is talking about a petulant child, which is why I think it it is totally ticking me off. Do I need to change my perspective or do I need to be more firm with her?
Suggestions?? He doesn't want to find a new caregiver but I find I am having to frequently define boundaries.
Tracy
So my husband has an eyegaze computer. He still can speak and I can mostly understand him. There were no cognitive issues. He has used the computer and he knows how to use it but he's not particularly interested in doing so. I ask him if he wants to use it and he usually says no. He is not experiencing frustration over communication at this time. Occasionally the girls and I have to ask himseveral times to repeat what he's said, but the vast of the majority of the time we and both of his caregivers can understand him.
However this caregiver really thinks he should be using the computer more often for practice purposes . She texted me recently and had said that she told him that if he doesn't use the computer he's going to be locked in and what's he going to do without a voice, etc. etc. etc. This frustrates me because he knows perfectly well what the course of the disease is and he knows that he may be without a voice if he doesn't become proficient on the computer. However I think that these are his choices to make. We offer and suggest but he really doesn't want to use it right now and I respect that choice and don't push very hard.
Tomorrow is my mother-in-law's funeral. My husband is not going to be able to attend so this caregiver will be with him for eight hours while the girls and I both go to the funeral. She has texted me and said that she wants me to show her how to set up the computer because she's going to "make him" use it tomorrow. I responded with he certainly has the right of refusal. She continues to push and say that she really thinks he should be using it to practice and it is very important. I've asked her if she's having trouble understanding him and she says no she can understand everything he says, as can most people who spend time with him.
I've spoken with him about this before, and he says he will let people know when he wants to use the computer. But she is indicating that she's really going to push him tomorrow, it makes me feel like she is talking about a petulant child, which is why I think it it is totally ticking me off. Do I need to change my perspective or do I need to be more firm with her?
Suggestions?? He doesn't want to find a new caregiver but I find I am having to frequently define boundaries.
Tracy
