KatieNBoyd
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2015
- Messages
- 151
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 11/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- MT
- City
- Boyd
An interesting occurrence has me reflecting on my day. I have been taught to make my amends promptly when I am in the wrong. But, I have also been taught not to have to bow down and be stepped all over. So, I am not sure how or if I will properly word this in order to make myself or my question clear but here it goes...
Also, I realize my PALS and I have not been on this journey nearly as long as some, though longer than others and I appreciate any opinions or comments you all have.
I am my PALS sole caregiver, as well as his spouse. I am, at fault, one of those "people pleasers" and always have been. I have noticed that I am aware of others feelings (good and bad, as well as happy or sad) particularly individuals who are in the immediate family (children (we have adult children with one teen at home), in laws, close relatives and such). I am well "aware" of what they are going through, as it were. I am supportive and caring when they are short sighted, forgetful, say hurtful or ignorant things and are even angry. I usually am able to just brush it off.
My PALS and I(and our teen) are living this ALS situation pretty well I must say all things considered. Having had the world that we knew change on us, he and I are doing good. We have not had any huge or terrible fights or meltdowns.
My question is why is it that I am not allowed to have a bad day? Why is it that I am not allowed to be or say hurtful things to others? Why am I not allowed to be forgetful?
In the past 10 months I have, on top of this ALS beast that we fight daily, remembered anniversaries, birthdays, picked out and wrapped every Christmas gift, mailed every birthday card, sent thank you notes, paid bills that no one else would pay, kept track of every bill and doctor appointment, met with insurance for the family, been the sole driver, house keeper, sole bread winner, cook and parent. But TWICE I have lost my temper with others (not my PALS or teen) and both times I was called on it immediately by family and told I was thoughtless, mean and hurtful. I was told "if you would only have talked it out first, everyone would have understood".
I don't get it. If there were just a nurse that came in and did her work to care for my sweet PALS would I as a spouse/mother/sister still be able to have my bad days and it would be alright?
I get some wonderful help from friends who make dinners, take my PALS out occasionally and I get I get time to myself. Our teenager is a true blessing getting herself together for school, sports and such while still being a great help.
I am just hurt and very sad. I also have a tendency to take things too personally. Thank you for listening/reading.
Also, I realize my PALS and I have not been on this journey nearly as long as some, though longer than others and I appreciate any opinions or comments you all have.
I am my PALS sole caregiver, as well as his spouse. I am, at fault, one of those "people pleasers" and always have been. I have noticed that I am aware of others feelings (good and bad, as well as happy or sad) particularly individuals who are in the immediate family (children (we have adult children with one teen at home), in laws, close relatives and such). I am well "aware" of what they are going through, as it were. I am supportive and caring when they are short sighted, forgetful, say hurtful or ignorant things and are even angry. I usually am able to just brush it off.
My PALS and I(and our teen) are living this ALS situation pretty well I must say all things considered. Having had the world that we knew change on us, he and I are doing good. We have not had any huge or terrible fights or meltdowns.
My question is why is it that I am not allowed to have a bad day? Why is it that I am not allowed to be or say hurtful things to others? Why am I not allowed to be forgetful?
In the past 10 months I have, on top of this ALS beast that we fight daily, remembered anniversaries, birthdays, picked out and wrapped every Christmas gift, mailed every birthday card, sent thank you notes, paid bills that no one else would pay, kept track of every bill and doctor appointment, met with insurance for the family, been the sole driver, house keeper, sole bread winner, cook and parent. But TWICE I have lost my temper with others (not my PALS or teen) and both times I was called on it immediately by family and told I was thoughtless, mean and hurtful. I was told "if you would only have talked it out first, everyone would have understood".
I don't get it. If there were just a nurse that came in and did her work to care for my sweet PALS would I as a spouse/mother/sister still be able to have my bad days and it would be alright?
I get some wonderful help from friends who make dinners, take my PALS out occasionally and I get I get time to myself. Our teenager is a true blessing getting herself together for school, sports and such while still being a great help.
I am just hurt and very sad. I also have a tendency to take things too personally. Thank you for listening/reading.