SDSadie
New member
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2016
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- 4
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- Other
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- US
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- CA
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- West Coast City
Hi Everyone--
Hopefully I'm posting this in the right place.
About 6 years ago my father-- longtime academic, loving husband, stay-at-home dad, and just all-around exceptional human being-- started acting...weird... at times.
"Insidious" is probably the best word to describe the onset. It was like eating a favorite, familiar dish only to be startled every dozen bites by a mouthful of... something off.
So then, suddenly wary, you'd tentatively take the next bite, which would once again be so reassuringly marvelous you'd start to feel like *you* must surely have imagined the last one....
Until the time between bad bites starts to lessen, and you can no longer deny the fact that, far larger than the sum of any number of incidents, something very fundamental has shifted in this person you have so long known, and loved, and this fundamental shift can't be explained away by a sudden retirement, the death of a parent, or, as the doctors first thought, depression.
A depressed person might stop showering, but they don't usually stop showering and then want to go get the grandkids from school, utterly unconcerned by the huge stains on their days-old button-down shirt. They tend to understand why a spouse would no longer want to kiss them if they've entirely stopped brushing their teeth. They(especially someone who has always been such an intuitive "people person") would surely know that aggressively picking one's nose in public is considered offensive.
Anyway, long story short, Dad started falling this autumn. The way he describes it is his leg just suddenly "gives way." In fact, he's frustrated by the neurologists saying he has "weakness," because "I don't feel weak. The bastard just switches off out of nowhere." Anyway, he gets a walker, which he uses for a few days, and then decides he doesn't need it, at which point he falls. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. He gets away with this pattern for a few weeks with just bruises until one day he falls and his leg and ankle swell up huge.
Except he refuses to go to the ER for an X-ray for an entire week, insisting it's sprained. Finally, the swelling is so bad even he can't deny it has to be checked, at which point they find out the bone connecting ankle to leg is shattered, the orthopedic surgeon is horrified and schedules emergency surgery, and Dad now maintains that of course, he knew it was broken all along, he just didn't want to miss the important neurologist appointments he had scheduled for that week, in order to figure out why he's falling. (arrghhh!)
What is so very hard to convey to people is how very smart, how very bright my dad remains. He reads as much as ever, and can discourse on any number of subjects with insight and intelligence. But the man who drilled manners and consideration into his children is now often rude, and impatient, and strangely competitive. He demeans our mother in front of company. He acts possessive, and jealous and arrogant... but then sometimes the old sweetness and thoughtfulness will come through and somehow that makes it even more painful... and even now we doubt ourselves, and our own observations.
Thanks for listening.
Hopefully I'm posting this in the right place.
About 6 years ago my father-- longtime academic, loving husband, stay-at-home dad, and just all-around exceptional human being-- started acting...weird... at times.
"Insidious" is probably the best word to describe the onset. It was like eating a favorite, familiar dish only to be startled every dozen bites by a mouthful of... something off.
So then, suddenly wary, you'd tentatively take the next bite, which would once again be so reassuringly marvelous you'd start to feel like *you* must surely have imagined the last one....
Until the time between bad bites starts to lessen, and you can no longer deny the fact that, far larger than the sum of any number of incidents, something very fundamental has shifted in this person you have so long known, and loved, and this fundamental shift can't be explained away by a sudden retirement, the death of a parent, or, as the doctors first thought, depression.
A depressed person might stop showering, but they don't usually stop showering and then want to go get the grandkids from school, utterly unconcerned by the huge stains on their days-old button-down shirt. They tend to understand why a spouse would no longer want to kiss them if they've entirely stopped brushing their teeth. They(especially someone who has always been such an intuitive "people person") would surely know that aggressively picking one's nose in public is considered offensive.
Anyway, long story short, Dad started falling this autumn. The way he describes it is his leg just suddenly "gives way." In fact, he's frustrated by the neurologists saying he has "weakness," because "I don't feel weak. The bastard just switches off out of nowhere." Anyway, he gets a walker, which he uses for a few days, and then decides he doesn't need it, at which point he falls. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. He gets away with this pattern for a few weeks with just bruises until one day he falls and his leg and ankle swell up huge.
Except he refuses to go to the ER for an X-ray for an entire week, insisting it's sprained. Finally, the swelling is so bad even he can't deny it has to be checked, at which point they find out the bone connecting ankle to leg is shattered, the orthopedic surgeon is horrified and schedules emergency surgery, and Dad now maintains that of course, he knew it was broken all along, he just didn't want to miss the important neurologist appointments he had scheduled for that week, in order to figure out why he's falling. (arrghhh!)
What is so very hard to convey to people is how very smart, how very bright my dad remains. He reads as much as ever, and can discourse on any number of subjects with insight and intelligence. But the man who drilled manners and consideration into his children is now often rude, and impatient, and strangely competitive. He demeans our mother in front of company. He acts possessive, and jealous and arrogant... but then sometimes the old sweetness and thoughtfulness will come through and somehow that makes it even more painful... and even now we doubt ourselves, and our own observations.
Thanks for listening.