It's raining here today. High 45 low 40. We're inching toward spring. I'm melancholy today. I haven't been outdoors since October. Negotiating the logistics is what has me. I have 3- caregivers. Their schedule is 9-1, 3-5, and 7-9 it takes ever so long to get ready, I feel that I would be rushing back for my 3-5. I don't want to inconvenience anyone. I am so over ALS, I really want to get over it, or on with it. This stage of endless limbo, waking up, to be this alive, but not living, a functional head atop the body of a marionette with the strings cut. I don't think I really want to even see people anymore. I have nothing to say, one thing I have noticed is the nothings that made up hours of conversation. I would give anything to be doing spring cleaning, my Tuesday night cards group would talk about the new spring and summer colors, putting up the winter clothes, seeing who grew out of what.. I miss it all.