Pain

[ctollar]

It has been one month today since my dad died and it hit me like gangbusters. The pain comes in waves. Anyone else deal with this? Help...it is overwhelming to the point I cant even breathe...

 

[Romeosc]

It has been one month today since my dad died and it hit me like gangbusters. The pain comes in waves. Anyone else deal with this? Help...it is overwhelming to the point I cant even breathe...

There is nothing that anyone can say to make you fell better.

Just know that we all are there for you!

 

[Debbie53]

ctollar,

Please accept my sincere condolences. I lost my dad to ALS 9 years ago last October and the pain was all-consuming. Although it has eased quite a bit - it feels much more removed now - the shape of my heart has been permanently changed. I don't look at the world, or people, the same way. I'm a much soberer person, for better or worse. I was so enmeshed with my dad and his life that it almost felt like it was happening to me.

 

[Jlynn]

Ctollar.....I lost my baby brother in September. I still miss him terribly but cry less as time goes on. I think about him everyday as any little thing can trigger a memory. At first it felt like my world had stopped while everyone around me went on with their daily lives. It will get easier honey. I promise. I like what Manhattenite said. She said " there will come a day when instead of tears in your eyes you will have a smile on your face". I look forward to that. You will too. I'm sending you a huge warm hug! Reach out here whenever you can. We all know exactly how you feel.

 

[texastc]

Like said above...there is not much we can say to you that will ease that pain today.

What can be said?....It will get better with time.
Will it ever go away?....No. Your heart is permanently changed. It will scar over and the pain will become less severe, but it will be a new heart...never the same one again. Sorry, wish I could tell you different but I can't and be truthful with you.
Can you survive it?...YES. Your dad is INSIDE YOU. The very essence of him is strong within you. You will learn to accept that for what it is. With time. No, you don't have him physically by your side here on planet earth anymore. I know that, today, you can't fathom how anything could replace that. Trust me/us. With time, you will learn that having him inside you...although not equal to physically beside you...has its benefits as well. You won't ever have to go find him to ask him what he thinks about this or that...because he is WITH you...all the time.

Now...all that said....TIME. You have to survive. Keep living. Don't quit or give up. Do whatever you have to do to allow the days/weeks/months pass by. Get away from this date...down the road...get TIME between now and then. Then you will see I was right. If you don't, you'll never know.

You can do this. You. You only. With your dad to help you. He's there. Let him help.

I wish you luck, in your search for time.

TC

 

[affected]

Yes the pain is huge, and it feels like you won't survive it at times, but somehow we do.

One month is such a very short time - all I can say is allow yourself all the time it is going to take. The pain is a direct reflection of how much you loved your father.

I wish we could take it away, but then you would never want the experience of loving that man taken away, and so the grief is a natural process of finding a way to live with that loss xxx

 

[lgelb]

JC is right. He is there with you. We are not saying you can or should forget, but instead that you can be open and feel the warmth of what he never stopped being.

You can't bring him back, but you can move forward as he would want.

Best,
Laurie

 

[Miav123]

I am going through the same pain right now, unfortunately. I lost my dad on the 10th and it still seems unreal. The pain is just so raw. Hopefully everyone is right, with time you will smile at the memories instead of crying. Big hugs to you.

 

[ctollar]

It is still pretty raw and sometimes have to focus on the good times before the monster took over his body. I know he is at peace and have been better since Saturday. Still in a lot of pain but more manageable. Every morning I sit on my lanai at around 6:00 am and enjoy my coffee watching the sun rise. Almost every day (when warm enough, I live in SW Florida), a little lizard jumps on my wind chimes. Now this may not seem like much, but when I originally hung the chimes they were placed where they wouldn't get a breeze. So hearing them makes me think my dad is stopping by to say hello. I take great comfort in that!!!!!

 

[affected]

Every time you have some good moments, just know that even though there are still many down times to face as you grieve, there will be beauty to find, things that will still draw a laugh from you, and a future for you and your family that needs you xxx

 

[Manhattanite]

I am glad you are feeling better ctollar. The tsunami waves of grief will become less frequent over time.
I like how you interpret the chimes to mean that your dad has stopped by to say hello. I have similar thoughts related to my PALS that give me comfort. Hugs.