One month tomorrow

[Nuch]

So tomorrow will mark one month since the passing of my mother. I heard from several people that the grief can strike at it's worst sometimes up to 6 months later. Things have been not that bad so far. The 2 days before she died and the day after were the worst. Then I didn't know whether I was in just a get through it mode while family and friends constantly checked on me or just that I had a year to prepare. I really hoped it was all that I had already been through. Tonight while watching one of her favorite tv shows come back from a big cliffhanger last season, and realizing that she won't be here to talk about it with hit me. Also today at work planning for a mothers day ad got me thinking but I had to shift focus or I was going fall apart. Even though I had the prep time and do feel like I have to be outwardly strong I know know it's going to be subtle thing that will get to me and will have to either be prepped for or will have the privacy to let it out. Saturday is the walk to defeat ALS in Minneapolis. It would have been her 68th birthday that day. I have great friends walking with me that mean the world to me. Just hoping God will help me to balance properly how and when I accept help. Sorry- just needed to vent to a community that understands the grief, the guilt, and the relief that all goes with losing a loved one to this unbelievablely cruel disease. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with or have dealt with this horrific thing.

 

[brooksea]

Linda, so very sorry about your mom. You were are such a great, loving daughter to have cared for her! You will find you balance, I'm sure. Hugs to you!

 

[lola64]

Hugs to you on this anniversary hon..
I'm sorry that you're going through all this; I hope you're managing alright today. The grief tends to hit you at the oddest and most inopportune of times.. in many ways it isn't what you expected it to be, is it?! Sending warm thoughts your way in that you can remain gentle with yourself and ride the waves as they do (and don't) wash over you.

Julie

 

[Gentleman Jim]

Nuch,

Wow, we hear and read of these stories quite often. Do we get callous to them, NEVER.
I usually get up every morning around four of five. I say my prayers for the day and
begin to look at the forum. I am a helper for an ALS patient. I also lost my mom this
year back in May. Not to ALS.

I have a picture of her about five or six feet from me on a stand. She is smiling and
looking very pretty. When I look at that picture I see all the memories. However,
the good ones come to mind most often.
I don’t know of a person who has all good memories of anything. It is not possible.

However, each one of us has to deal with death. Some have a very hard time dealing
with life. The balance is somewhere in the middle. If we don’t grieve or cry or miss
our love one, we are not normal.

How do you or I find normal. The what, where and why is a very normal set of
questions to ask ourselves. I have lived long enough to know I don’t get the answers
to those questions. I can reason the answer to my satisfaction, but it is impossible for
us to all have the answers all the time. I have been to Normal, it is in Illinois.

I think we learn to live our lives knowing that if we are to die, we have done or said
all that we needed to have said. Since none of us is really prepared to make that
statement and get someone to believe it, we must believe it ourselves.

We tell family and friends how much we need them, how much they mean to us, and
how much we love them, and then spend our time demonstrating those facts.
So, living like we are dieing is normal.

In the row boat of life, one cannot lean to far to the left or right with out upsetting
the boat. So we just row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Sorrow
shared is half a sorrow. Joy shared is double joy. Allow your life to be shared
either way and it will be a great blessing.

Sorry for going on so long. There is a India proverb that says; “When your bumped,
what you are full of spills out.” You bumped me.

Moms and Dads walk in and out of our hearts, they all leave footprints. Keep your
balance and perhaps we can learn to laugh and cry at the same time.

 

[ScarlettK]

Mom died on April 23, 2005. My brother died on February 14, 2008. Never does a day go by without a thought of one or both of them. The hurt will ease, but it will never go away entirely. I miss the loving relationship with my mom. My brother is missed, but I feel that I didn't stand by him enough throughout his bout with alcoholism. But God took both home, so that He could give them peace and joy. I feel that strongly.

I lift you up and ask our Father to sustain you. You never walk alone is what these lyrics said to me early this morning when I first woke. They popped into my thoughts, and I felt it was a message to be shared. May God be with you...

When you walk through a storm
Keep your chin up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.
At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

Kaye