freddiesnetty
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2007
- Messages
- 241
- Diagnosis
- 12/2006
- Country
- US
- State
- Tx
- City
- Houston
Well I have been gone for awhile, I am so damned depressed I don't know what to do. I know that it has been hard around here awhile back, everyone passing and even though you don't know these people that we talk to or about, It sure seems like it.......
I think that in my pea brain mind, I thought that getting Freddie trached and vented would slow down this disease.......well guess what not the case, I know that alot of people have had success with the trach and vent. Well I think that they were all not in the ending stages, when they had this done. It has been nothing but constant hell, from the beginning, Freddie has had pneumonia twice and has never really been able to get up into his chair for very long periods of time. It is HORRIBLE to look at on a daily basis. There is nothing but sickness in the house.He is constantly in pain due to the deterioration of the muscle that has just left bones on bones. So, I constantly repositioning him, I don't sleep anymore, I know that I have no right to *****, I feel so bad for him. I don't feel like his wife anymore. I can not talk to anyone about this......They just don't get it........People are so stupid...I get " I hope he has a speedy recovery" I am overwhelmed at peoples ignorance. The best one is my friends call me to tell me about some really cool thing that they are going to or have been to and tell me all about it and then in the same breath, "Oh I wish you could go" They think that I just can get up and go at the drop of the hat.........I feel like I am going to loose my mind. This disease is so friggin lonely. I know that Freddie feels like crap. He never looks happy anymore. He doesn't want to work on music for now........I just don't know what to do, I wish I could get in my car and drive and never look back......But the problem to that is I am always so damned responsible.......I feel horrible even talking about this...I can use my limbs and speak..........I guess it is just guilt, I can not even remember the good times we used to have, It makes me mad to look at videos, pictures or even listen to his music. I feel so ripped off............................I know this all sounds so selfish but at least I am being honest about it..............I feel like this has stolen not only Freddie's life but mine as well.....Today he asked me to take him to the bathroom and I just started crying.....My back hurts, my shoulder is about gone........I feel so stupid to even ***** about these things, I mean hell we all have to go to the bathroom. Well I have missed you all and maybe staying away was not the best idea. These people out here.....well they just don't get it........I love my cyber-friends..Well I am just rambling......I feel so lonely and depressed.........
netty
I think that in my pea brain mind, I thought that getting Freddie trached and vented would slow down this disease.......well guess what not the case, I know that alot of people have had success with the trach and vent. Well I think that they were all not in the ending stages, when they had this done. It has been nothing but constant hell, from the beginning, Freddie has had pneumonia twice and has never really been able to get up into his chair for very long periods of time. It is HORRIBLE to look at on a daily basis. There is nothing but sickness in the house.He is constantly in pain due to the deterioration of the muscle that has just left bones on bones. So, I constantly repositioning him, I don't sleep anymore, I know that I have no right to *****, I feel so bad for him. I don't feel like his wife anymore. I can not talk to anyone about this......They just don't get it........People are so stupid...I get " I hope he has a speedy recovery" I am overwhelmed at peoples ignorance. The best one is my friends call me to tell me about some really cool thing that they are going to or have been to and tell me all about it and then in the same breath, "Oh I wish you could go" They think that I just can get up and go at the drop of the hat.........I feel like I am going to loose my mind. This disease is so friggin lonely. I know that Freddie feels like crap. He never looks happy anymore. He doesn't want to work on music for now........I just don't know what to do, I wish I could get in my car and drive and never look back......But the problem to that is I am always so damned responsible.......I feel horrible even talking about this...I can use my limbs and speak..........I guess it is just guilt, I can not even remember the good times we used to have, It makes me mad to look at videos, pictures or even listen to his music. I feel so ripped off............................I know this all sounds so selfish but at least I am being honest about it..............I feel like this has stolen not only Freddie's life but mine as well.....Today he asked me to take him to the bathroom and I just started crying.....My back hurts, my shoulder is about gone........I feel so stupid to even ***** about these things, I mean hell we all have to go to the bathroom. Well I have missed you all and maybe staying away was not the best idea. These people out here.....well they just don't get it........I love my cyber-friends..Well I am just rambling......I feel so lonely and depressed.........
netty