Nursing home?

[sschult]

I'm new to this forum and I was wondering if anyone else has had to resort to putting their PAL in a nursing home? My husband, Alan, was diagnosed in June of 03. The disease has progressed to the point where he can no longer do anything except blink his eyes and nod his head. He used to weigh about 230 lbs and now weighs 105 lbs. I'm really broken up and relieved at the same time. I recently had a nervous break down and the doctor said that it will probably take years for me to recover. I feel like all of the decisions that I've made over the last 3 years have been mistakes. I know that I'm not a failure and I don't really feel guilty because I was completely on my own as a caregiver. Anyway, please respond if you are in a similar situation. Regards, Shari

 

[fiddleplayer51]

Shari,
CJ and I both answered your post under the thread "What do you do when it comes to full time care."
Be strong and put guilt aside. No way are you a failure!
All the best,
Jane

 

[BlessedDaughter]

Shari,
It sounds like you did the best thing, espcially being on your own. Yes, we would like to be able to provide care for our PALS, but realistically without insurance and financial resources, we have to be brave and make these decisions such as you did.

I worry every day about how we will care for my father when he progresses. He was just recently diagnosed but is losing his voice rapidly and has a lot of twitching in his arms and his legs are weaker. My mother has arthritus and can barely get around herself. I am a single mom and have no choice but to work. My brother lives in Tennessee (we're in California), so while I know he would be here when he can, he also has a family to take care of. I hate this dang disease!

It broke my heart to read that your husband's family doesn't want to see him like that. It's not his fault, if they could only try to imagine how he feels! Right now I feel so protective of my father (even to the point I now get easily angry with my mother, which is not good) and I just want to do anything I can to help him emotionally and physically, but, like I said before, I also have to be realistic. Guess I need to start buying lottery tickets!

I hope you will continue to share about his experience in the nursing home, as at some point it may be an option for us as well.

thanks for sharing your difficulty in this decision, it helps so much to know others totally understand and "get it".
Bette

 

[carma]

We are also looking at a nursing home for my m-i-l; she is on a waiting list for closest one to our home. They said it would probably be a minimum wait of 6 months before a bed became available. It is such a painful and awkward decision to make...like we have failed somehow. Over and over we've been told that most families wouldn't have managed to care for her as long as we have but it does little to absolve the guilt. That said, I still think it is the right thing for us to do...we are burning the candle at both ends...its too much. My husband says that taking care of her needs is sometimes a chore (of course it is!) but maybe when others take care of her needs we can actually talk and visit and enjoy each others company! Sometimes we just do what needs to be done and leave the room....I hope that doesn't makes us seem cold. Anyway, I am very interested in what your experience will be so if you can keep us posted. I hope he is going to get comfortable with it all sooner than later....maybe he will even like it.

 

[CindyM]

My Mom loves her nursing home. She was so isolated before. when she moved back to our state, she picked a home close to us. The fact that this was her idea made all the difference, but so does it make a big difference that she is close enough for me to vist almost every day.