Not Able to Sleep

[Theresa2004]

Thanks debbie, unfortunately this will go out in the form of an email to him...i won't be seeing him. in summary it encourages him to stop waiting for everything to be perfect and take what ever time in what ever form we can have now.
i have tried this speech before, didn't work..one more time..
hell, he may not even read it, i asked him to log on tomorrow to check for messages.....i am not holding my breath..

 

[ricturn]

Theresa - don't give up; just when he needs you the most ! i know you don't know whether you are coming or going, but think about what caused you to get together in the 1st place !

 

[Theresa2004]

Hi ricHard
you tell me not to give up, it Has been a year since He told me, one year ago tonigHt, and from tHere, He Has said very little. i Have asked, begged, pleaded, for Him to let me in. i Haven't seen Him alone in tHree montHs, Haven't spoken on tHe pHone for just as long, just a buncH of stupid emails wHicH Have become more infrequent. we are not in a position to be like you and karen are at tHe moment, i wisH we were, but tHere are too many complications. so basically, He Has locked me out to protect Himself, me or botH of us. i do tHink about wHat brougHt us togetHer in tHe first place all tHe time, tHat Hasn't cHanged for me at all. tHis relationsHip is/was difficult to begin witH, and wHen one member does not lean on tHe otHer for Help and support wHen tHey need it tHe most, (not tHat He would admit He needs it), after tHe offer Has been on tHe table since day one, How many more times can i bang my Head against tHe brick wall? tomorrow is four years since He entered my life otHer tHen friendsHip. He is getting a very nice email, since tHat is all i am fortunate enougH to maybe get across. its His ball park from tHere. He needs me in His life, He Has to tell me so. i am tired of being tHe lone ranger...last time i did tHe matH, a couple meant two...not one....and regardless of How messed up our situation is, i sHould still be tHe one He comes to and wHen He doesn't, it Hurts. i Have done everytHing i can. i Have sat Here nigHt after nigHt telling Him so. He knows it, He just won't let me in, in His words, tHere is not enougH time for us. so we aren't perfect, take wHat you can Have...He doesn't believe in tHat..it is all or notHing. rarely middle ground. He can't Handle tHe incompleteness, so He backs away from it. tHis is not my cHoice, it will be His. my guess, He won't even reply to me tomorrow.
i can't imagine How Hard it is for you and karen, but i envy botH of you tHat you Have tHis time togetHer. don't waste it, not one second of it. be patient witH eacH otHer, and learn to enjoy tHe perks of love togetHer. not dwell on wHat you can't do or Have.

 

[Al]

Good for you teresa. stick to your guns. i'll still be your friend. if that guy is such an idiot let him go. you have better things to do with your time. your kids need you and don't need you being distracted by this guy that obviously doesn't care that much about your feelings.

as far as the meds go. ativan is an anti anxiety med that relaxes you so you can go to sleep. not a sleping pill per se but it does do is help to induce sleep. it can be addictive but as my doc says whatever gets you through the night. my sentiments are that what is the worst it can do kill me? 1mg is the usual starting dose and before i got the bipap i was taking 2mg until one of the docs at the clinic said that it was not Good if you had decreased respiratory muscles because it could put you to sleep permanently. i tried to go off it but still needed 1 mg. i use 300 mg of quinine at bedtime and haven't had a leg cramp at night since. before the quinine i was also taking 15 mg of baclofen but am now back to 5 mg of that.

chris; your method sounds a little unscientific but may be a Good thing. i have a nephew that offered me some non traditional medicine but i thought i might cough up a lung since even second hand smoke bothers me. i didn't even smoke my traditional cuban cigar while there in dec. maybe in the bahamas. we'll see. take care everyone.

 

[ricturn]

Life with or without \"him\"

Theresa;

i'm sorry for your luck - karen and i have something special, that's for sure ! it has taken me 57 years to find her; now i've got to keep her !

good luck - i mean that !

- richard

 

[ricturn]

Re: my use of 'gravol'

[quote:c9628b7475="karenmorrison"]hi all....richard has been taking 2 gravol with his meds at night, and it has actually stopped his nightmares he has had. he is settling in not too bad...i find him at his worse in the mornings when he first wakes up...we actually invested in a "ultramatic bed" it may break us financially, but we thought it would help him sit up. of course since he has just moved in he didn't want to sleep without me.........awh....i am a little worried about him, he has lost alot of weight in a very short time...and he seems extra tired and sometimes i feel he is in another world. i wonder if his meds are making him incoherent at times...we still have boxes all over the place, and i am a neat freak and the clutter is driving me crazy! at this time i am still working 4pm to midnight, but after next week will be on a permanent day shift 8am to 4pm...so hopefully we can get our life into some routine...richard tries to wait up for me and i think this is contributing to his exhaustion! well i am on my dinner break at work..better get back to the phones and solve other peoples problems....take care everyone...thanks for your love and support...i am not getting much from my family...actually my grandson is getting baptised on feb 20 and i have been asked not to bring richard...so it is very trying...anyway....take care...love to all....karen[/quote:c9628b7475]

hi .... richard here ....... i am not po'd ........... just hurt that i haven't been accepted, yet, but it is early days !

and, as far as exhuastion is concerned, it's not easy, when you have been on your own for the last 5 years, and to move in with, a "neat freak" - i'm always walking on egg shells !

regards to all; richard

 

[mannco74]

chris; your method sounds a little unscientific but may be a good thing. i have a nephew that offered me some non traditional medicine but i thought i might cough up a lung since even second hand smoke bothers me. i didn't even smoke my traditional cuban cigar while there in dec. maybe in the bahamas. we'll see. take care everyone

al....right you are however i don't smoke either i worked in cuba and loved it but never smoked a cigar.. all the best..nice avitar

 

[Theresa2004]

Richard, the most important person accepted you, so that is all that matters.
i wish mine had the same philosophy, i found her, not going to let her go....we'll see, only time will tell.