Yes Katie, it is like a bad movie. My mom went through the same thing with my dad who died of Parkinson's (except that he "lived" for 20 years with the disease). After he died, she would tell certain stories over and over and continues to this day, 10 years later. Now I see why she does that: there are moments that keep replaying in my mind, traumatic things we went through, moments that marked a change. I also thought I was tough and that I had the tools to deal with this.
Also what happens is that after the funeral and the initial shock, everyone returns to their normal lives, which is natural. But when you are the surviving spouse, you remain in your home with all the remains of a life lived together, and with a new future that you have to face all on your own, at least initially.
Today marks 3 weeks after my PALS death and now our apartment looks exactly the same it did prior to the beginning of the disease: free of medications, ventilator, suction machine, cough assist, wheelchair, rollator, IV pole, recliner, shower chair, commode, urinals, diapers, tubes, filters, feed bags, Jevity cans, gauze, latex gloves, masks, syringes, supplements, 7 head supports and braces (none of them worked), body pillows, and so on. I donated everything to a local ALS group.
I am tortured by how much my PALS suffered. What happened was meant to happen and there is no changing it - that was his fate, but it still hurts when it happened to someone you love.