New Year and those in my thoughts.

[scaredwifetx]

Wow...its been so long since I have logged in here. Doesnt mean you all arent in my thoughts.

It's been 15 months since Steve gained his wings. I must say the first 12 months were full of waves and at times so hard. On his Wing Anniversary I promised him to make changes and to choose happy. At least one thing a day that makes me happy. It's been working.

My job is going better, I am getting out more, I have had ALS friends visit my new lake home and am planning trips for this new year. The ALS Families Christmas Fundraiser had over 20 families this year and kept me busy. I am moving foward but never on. Steve is always a voice I can hear pushing me forward.

I came here to check on Tillie and the tree farm but saw so many of you that I know I would never have survived without your help. I miss you all. I hope that 2020 brings each one of what you deserve.

 

[affected]

I think of you so often Deb and this post is so lovely to see. I love how you put it.
I actually had my sister here last week and she stayed a night. We are not close, but she likes to think we are (I hadn't seen her in 6 years and that had been because my brother was in hospital with the aneurysm).
Anyway it went ok, but one point came when she started on something about some study she agrees and believes that after a loss it takes 'at least 2 years to get over it'. Would I agree?

I was proud of myself for hesitating, then simply saying, "at least". Truly what is the point of trying to explain what we feel to someone who has not experienced this kind of loss?

We move forward, but never 'move on', and we learn to live with that hole in our lives, but we never 'get over' it.
It's possibly just semantics, maybe people don't fully mean what it sounds like when they say stuff.

Anyway, much love to you, and I wish you much beauty and joy as head into 2020.

 

[Narrowminded]

Deb, so good to see you. I did similar about a promise to Brian on his wings anniversary. Now to follow through. I’ve missed you, however I’m happy you are moving forward with Steve at your side.
hugs

 

[lgelb]

So glad you are finding more peace within yourself, Deb. What we do in memory can become a foundation for a bright future.

Best,
Laurie

 

[Nuts]

I'm so glad to see you back here, Deb! I don't come often myself these days, but this will always be my family. It think having the example of a spouse who chose to LIVE with the disease instead of waiting to die helps greatly. Matt will always be with me, but we'll be LIVING together from here on out. I found that the first service (at the church he grew up in) didn't give me any closure, but the internment at Arlington 13 months later was hugely freeing. Every time I start to have a "moment" I feel him chiding me...

 

[texastc]

So glad to hear Deb. I can reiterate most of the things each of you have said, been 4+ years now for me. I am moving forward as well but carry Tracy within me, hence forth. I hope everyone who reads this thread can have a glimmer of hope, and know that you will never be totally without your PAL as they are a part of you that you will never lose. And wishing Tillie well also, think of you often, as I do the rest of you friends here. Best wishes moving forward.

TC