jrienecker
Member
- Joined
- May 31, 2008
- Messages
- 14
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Country
- US
- State
- Colorado
- City
- Boulder
Hello all!
The past few weeks have been incredibly hard, and as a result my mother suggested that I seek support from others who understand this terrible disease. My father was diagnosed in October of 2005. He had just turned 50 and began getting arthritis symptoms in his hands. In January 2006 I moved from New York (where he and my mother still live), to live in Colorado.
Since that time I have been able to get back to see my father every 2-3 months, but each time his decline is more noticeable. He served in the United State Marine Corp, and is as tough as they come - 6'2" and 250 pounds, with the heart of a lion.
Currently, he has no movement aside from the blinking of his eyelids. He has opted not to have a feeding tube and drools uncontrollably. I can see the emotion in his eyes - he can sometimes groan to express approval or discontent.
Recently he spent a week in a hospice care facility while my mother took reprieve from caring for him constantly, and she came to visit me in Colorado. When she returned to New York my father had been neglected in the facility and had multiple infections and bed sores that are still healing.
Since that time I believe my repressed feelings on the entire situation have come to rear their ugly head. My ability to be strong for my family has ceased to exist, and depression has hit very hard.
I am 23 years old.
My boyfriend of almost five years has been with me through this entire ordeal from diagnosis until now - the moment at which I knew he was the man for me was when I saw him taking care of my father as if it were his own.
My relationship with my father was never perfect and since his diagnosis I made a point to make amends with him, but now that he is near the end of this horrible disease I find myself wrought with anger. I've had more than one screaming match with God (the arguments are always on-sided), and I think more and more about the days when I would want my father most - my wedding day, when I have his first grandchild, etc.
I'm sure there are others losing their parents. How do you reconcile this grief?
The past few weeks have been incredibly hard, and as a result my mother suggested that I seek support from others who understand this terrible disease. My father was diagnosed in October of 2005. He had just turned 50 and began getting arthritis symptoms in his hands. In January 2006 I moved from New York (where he and my mother still live), to live in Colorado.
Since that time I have been able to get back to see my father every 2-3 months, but each time his decline is more noticeable. He served in the United State Marine Corp, and is as tough as they come - 6'2" and 250 pounds, with the heart of a lion.
Currently, he has no movement aside from the blinking of his eyelids. He has opted not to have a feeding tube and drools uncontrollably. I can see the emotion in his eyes - he can sometimes groan to express approval or discontent.
Recently he spent a week in a hospice care facility while my mother took reprieve from caring for him constantly, and she came to visit me in Colorado. When she returned to New York my father had been neglected in the facility and had multiple infections and bed sores that are still healing.
Since that time I believe my repressed feelings on the entire situation have come to rear their ugly head. My ability to be strong for my family has ceased to exist, and depression has hit very hard.
I am 23 years old.
My boyfriend of almost five years has been with me through this entire ordeal from diagnosis until now - the moment at which I knew he was the man for me was when I saw him taking care of my father as if it were his own.
My relationship with my father was never perfect and since his diagnosis I made a point to make amends with him, but now that he is near the end of this horrible disease I find myself wrought with anger. I've had more than one screaming match with God (the arguments are always on-sided), and I think more and more about the days when I would want my father most - my wedding day, when I have his first grandchild, etc.
I'm sure there are others losing their parents. How do you reconcile this grief?