Dad update Day 1
The drive here was very strangely clear of traffic, and if there was traffic, the cars stayed at a great distance from me.
It was as if, God was keeping them far away.
There was many moments, I felt touched by The Lord and my eyes filled with tears.
Made it here without any trouble.
When I arrived to dad's, mom looked tired, and irritated but she did open the door for me to enter.
Dad seemed relieved to see me.
Dad sits in a computer chair. The chair gives dad, a tightening pain in both his legs. I can see why, because of water retention and blood unable to circulate back up. Rubbing seems to help.
He often slouches forward in his chair. I asked him why, he says that he gets tired sitting and slouching forwards seems to ease the stress.
His upper body twitches, more so around the right shoulders, chest and rib region. Mom made him a late lunch, 3pm, and he didn't eat very much. It was a plate of Jasmine rice, and chicken with bamboo. Mom says that he needs to eat more but he complains that although he can chew, swallow is very hard.
He wants to stay up with the grandkids and watch tv, (tv is the only form of entertainment) but mom insists that he tries to take a nap. He tells her that he will try, but she doesn't hear him and when she asks him again, he gets upset. Since I was there, I kindly mention that even I didn't him tell her, so I am sure mom didn't either. That notion seems to help calm dad down. (I can sense that is lack of strength has also impaired his speech, he talks in a very low voice). Before getting up with mom's help, and standing and slowly moving his frail body into the wheelchair, dad states that he misses a good sleep. Mom mistaken his comment for him missing her and for a moment, they embrace forehead to forehead.
(I tear up)
She picks him up under his armpits and he is wheeled to their bedroom.
The room is simple. It has a king size bed and a twin bed with a headboard and a foot board. Mom assist in picking dad up under his arm pits and slowly the two walk. Mom in front of dad, holding his arms, and dad trying his hardest to move each foot, one ahead of the other. She turns him so that the back of his knees are against the king size bed, and he sits down, in a plummeting motion. I stand behind his wheel chair and watch, but stay out of the way in fear of getting in the way. Mom lays him down, but I see that she is having a hard time getting him to lay on his left side facing the twin bed. She puts two pillows, but I see that the two pillows are too low for him. At this stage of ALS, dad needs to be propped up or in a bed that can incline and decline. He looks settled, lying in fetal position. He struggles with his head, unable to move it. Mom leaves the room to grab her cell phone and I move towards dad, sitting on the twin bed. I ask him to try to get some rest. I gently rub his right shoulder and caress the back of his arm. He says that his head is heavy. I ask if I can move it for him, but he declines. I tell him I am praying for him. I assume he is ok and stand up. Mom says she will also rest. I understand that as my que to leave, so I step out and mom shuts the door.
It is 4:30 and I am sitting here in the living room. I think I understand mom. Despite our differences, I can understand how she is feeling.
She cares for dad, she has been since he was diagnosis. She can't leave anywhere for too long because dad might need her. She is tired and irritated. She makes off the wall comments. I can tell she too is depressed and lonely. Seeing the quick embrace they shared, I can tell mom still loves dad. I mean, her husband who was once strong, the leader of the home, the sole provider, has become like a infant.
I can see the anger, the questions she has, (she has tried everything, spent so much money) to try and get dad well again, and her pain.
I am hoping that my presence will give mom some time to herself. I am hoping she will take it. I am also hoping dad will let me take care of him.
Dad update Day 2 AM
Last night was hard to sleep. Mom's house has no extra rooms and though there is a basement with a bed in it, the basement was extremely cold last night. My sister and her little family of 3 slept with us upstairs in the living room floor covered only by sheets and blankets. It was passed midnight when we all went down for the night. Sleep would have been good, but brother in law snored very loud. I was surprised everyone else in the living room was able to sleep, but I couldn't. It could have been that I was up thinking of my dad and praying for him, but snoring was so loud, I had to get up and seek for ear plugs. I found them on the bamboo table in the livingroom. My other sister brought them out earlier in night because the house was filled with children laughter and play.
Toss and turned I did.
Around 5 am I was awake to find mom standing in the living room. I motioned to let her know I was awake. She says that dad was up and wanted to sit with us in the living room. Brotherinlaw was still snoring and since I was bother by it, I suggested perhaps Dad sitting here with us, wouldn't be as fun as he thinks. So I pick up the computer chair and we bring it to their bedroom.
I find dad already in a sit up position. I sit the computer chair in the entrance.
Mom goes and picks dad up as she always does, under his armpits and assists him as he slowly steps one foot in front of the other over to his chair. He sits.
Mom is tired so I suggest she gets some rest and though I am also tired, I stay with dad. Not sure what I was expecting. I wanted to sleep, my mind was foggy, but I know that I can't just sleep and my dad unable to.
I can see why mom would do the same.
So I stay awake with dad, and from time to time, I adjust his pillows, give him a blanket, prop up his legs onto the bed, talk to him until the clear breaking of the dawn's light fills the room.
At one point during those hours, dad motions me to wake mom. He says that he wants to lay down. He wants me wake mom so that she can help him to lay down. knowing how tired she has been all these years. I deny him his request and suggest that I will help him lay down. I get up to clear foot of the bed where I was laying, and adjust his pillows to prop him up. I approach dad. At first dad seems ok with me helping, I even reach up under his armpits and then he withdraws. He says that he is afraid he will fall and hurt himself should I lose my footing.
He kindly and suggest in a convincingly way that he will just sit and wait until mom awakes. I see and I understand now.
I feel so helpless.
It is 840, we haven't had breakfast yet. My other sister just brought dad home some Mc D sausage patties and eggs with ice mocha. Seems to be the only thing dad likes.