CoachMeg
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2011
- Messages
- 209
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Diagnosis
- 02/2011
- Country
- US
- State
- CA
- City
- Roseville
Good morning. I just need to get this out to those that will understand. I am having such a difficult time lately. And so is my husband. Damnitalltohell! Things are changing and I hate this. I hate the disease. I hate what it has done to my husband. The loss of his dignity and the helplessness that we both feel. I just am overwhelmed by it all.
We are so blessed that we have people looking out for us. We have dinners delivered by friends once a week. His sister hangs out with him on Monday's and they visit and cook together - she cooks, he is sharing his phenomenal recipes with her. We have a neighbor that mows our lawn for us and my brother, we would be so lost without his help. He has built a ramp for us, installed grab bars, and raised the toilet for my husband. And with all of this, I am still feeling maxed out.
I just can't come to terms with the helplessness. I am so sad.
And I feel selfish. Sometimes I get caught up in everything that I am going to miss sharing with him. I don't know what to do about that. It is just another layer of grief, I suppose.
And the kids are having a tough time lately too. I really think it is time for counseling for both of them. I want them to have as many resources as possible. I don't want them to hurt. I want to protect them from all of this. But I can't. As a parent, it absolutely sucks not to be able to protect your kids from this.
Sorry. Needed to get this out there. To people who can relate and understand. Sometimes, i try to talk to friends, and they just don't get it. They tell me what a great job I am doing and how strong I am. I just don't want to be strong anymore. I want my old life back with all the old stresses. I want to worry about losing weight and should I dye my hair or what should we do for a family vacation. I miss the little things.:sad:
We are so blessed that we have people looking out for us. We have dinners delivered by friends once a week. His sister hangs out with him on Monday's and they visit and cook together - she cooks, he is sharing his phenomenal recipes with her. We have a neighbor that mows our lawn for us and my brother, we would be so lost without his help. He has built a ramp for us, installed grab bars, and raised the toilet for my husband. And with all of this, I am still feeling maxed out.
I just can't come to terms with the helplessness. I am so sad.
And I feel selfish. Sometimes I get caught up in everything that I am going to miss sharing with him. I don't know what to do about that. It is just another layer of grief, I suppose.
And the kids are having a tough time lately too. I really think it is time for counseling for both of them. I want them to have as many resources as possible. I don't want them to hurt. I want to protect them from all of this. But I can't. As a parent, it absolutely sucks not to be able to protect your kids from this.
Sorry. Needed to get this out there. To people who can relate and understand. Sometimes, i try to talk to friends, and they just don't get it. They tell me what a great job I am doing and how strong I am. I just don't want to be strong anymore. I want my old life back with all the old stresses. I want to worry about losing weight and should I dye my hair or what should we do for a family vacation. I miss the little things.:sad: