Need help for wife of ALS patient.

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BarbJean500

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Iowa
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My father in law was given his second opinion to confirm that he has ALS two weeks ago. He is being the strong one in the family and I am sure is keeping his true feelings bottled up inside.

Right now we are most worried about my mother in law. She hasnt been eating or sleeping for some time now since hearing the news or possibility back in May. She is having a really hard time with this and she seems to be falling deeper into a hole. My father in law had said "I am the one that is suppose to be sick" It is frustrating to the fact we want them to live each day to the fullest while he is still able to but I feel that my mother in law's health is going down hill faster at this point in time.

We know we need to get her support but how do you do that? She is very bull headed about this situation. We know they both need help but how does a child tell his parent, and make them listen?

Any help at this time would be appreciated.

Barb
 

dana

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Mar 17, 2005
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Hey Barb,
A support group would probably be good for your mom, but it is just a matter of getting her to go or getting her to want to go. My mom will not go to the support group meetings either, but she is handling this well considering the situation. If she won't go to a support group, do you think she might try seeing a grief couselor? You might want your mother in law to see her doctor and see if she would be a good candidate for anti-depression pills. Maybe this would help her get over the hump and enjoy the time she has with her husband a little more.
Dana
 

BarbJean500

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Iowa
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Dana:

Thanks for your help, I am really going to work on getting her to a support group, I think she just needs to talk to someone in the same situation to help her work through her feelings. She has been to see her doctor who has given her some medication and if that doesnt help we will have to get her back to him or someone else.

Thanks again.

Barb
 

Barbie4

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Hi Barb

Hi Barb:

So sorry to hear about your news. The first few months are really hard. (well it is all really hard to be honest) I would think a family physician would be able to help direct you to the right resources to help your mother. Some times it just takes time to get over the initial shock and grief. I hope that is the case for you. I hope the medication works.

by the way, my name is Barbara Jean too. keep your chin up.

Barbie :)
 

hope

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Oct 1, 2005
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When recieving devastating news like this regarding a loved one everyone reacts differently. Know one knows how each and everyone of us will react. Some will go into shock and be very quiet for a long time, some will be angry there are many reactions. I believe it is important to let each one express the way they feel in their own way. It may not seem like the right way for us but it is their way at the time. Your mom in law needs lots of understanding, patience and love right now. She needs as much as your father in law because they both have one thing in common and that is a brokent heart from knowing one of them is very ill. In marriage when they say you are one I believe that very much. You feel what they feel. The pain she is feeling right now no one will know unless they are in it. I would say time is needed for her. Let her take time to deal with the shock of this. Keep giving loving support it is needed. My husband is very ill right now and I can honestly say that some days It is hard for me to eat and sleep. This is the love of my life, this is the man that has helped me climb mountains so when he is sick I will feel sick. I will be strong but I will feel sick every moment of my life. My heart was broken almost one year ago and it will never be unbroken. Give her time and lots of love.

Sandy.
 

BarbJean500

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Loved one DX
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Iowa
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hope said:
When recieving devastating news like this regarding a loved one everyone reacts differently. Know one knows how each and everyone of us will react. Some will go into shock and be very quiet for a long time, some will be angry there are many reactions. I believe it is important to let each one express the way they feel in their own way. It may not seem like the right way for us but it is their way at the time. Your mom in law needs lots of understanding, patience and love right now. She needs as much as your father in law because they both have one thing in common and that is a brokent heart from knowing one of them is very ill. In marriage when they say you are one I believe that very much. You feel what they feel. The pain she is feeling right now no one will know unless they are in it. I would say time is needed for her. Let her take time to deal with the shock of this. Keep giving loving support it is needed. My husband is very ill right now and I can honestly say that some days It is hard for me to eat and sleep. This is the love of my life, this is the man that has helped me climb mountains so when he is sick I will feel sick. I will be strong but I will feel sick every moment of my life. My heart was broken almost one year ago and it will never be unbroken. Give her time and lots of love.

Sandy.
Sandy:

Thank you very much for writing, it brings a light to what is going on with my mother in law. It is just so hard to see the pain that you want to do whatever you can but when you can't say or do anything to help, it is what hurts the most. We will give her time and be here whenever she needs us. Prayers to you and your family.

Barb
 

hope

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Oct 1, 2005
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230
Barb thank you very much for your kindness. I believe if we could wrap our arms around the world and just give a hug, it would be a better world. Sometimes saying nothing but holding on tight can say it all.

Sandy.
 

indianchic

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May 10, 2007
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KY
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Barb, I know it's hard what you are going through. My husband was diagnosed in Oct of last year and has gone down hill very fast. For the most part, he keeps a very good attitude and most of the time ends up cheering all of us up. But we've been married for 35 years, and watching him go thru this just breaks my heart. I try to be strong for him. But taking care of him, I never get a minute to myself, so it seems I never have time to break down. But I think I've gone thru a lot of stages, sad, angry, lonely, etc. But sometimes, I just need to be left alone to have a good cry. I have lots of family that support me and would do anything for me. They are a great help. But sometimes, I just need to be alone and let things go. Please be patient with your mother in law, give her space, but yet be there for her if she needs you. God gives us more strength than we realize. I will be praying for you and your family. Hang in there. Sharon
 
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