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Citalli, only those of us who have the person we love most in all the world can understand where you are right now. My husband said from the start that he would accept whatever came and never say "why me" but sometimes even he become discouraged and I ache to see him become weaker and more physically uncomfortable as the days progress.

I thing my husband like Andres will have a peaceful and prepared death but I'm not so sure I can be as brave.
 
You will rise to the occasion with grace and dignity when the time calls for it, l2c ! Cindy
 
I Cry Just Thinking Of Losing Him

I Layed Down Today For A Few Min. Waiting For My Great Grandson, Age 7, To Come By So I Could Keep Him While His Mom Ran An Errand. Horace Was Asleep In Our Bedroom With His Bi-pap On, And My Thoughts Wandered To Something We Talked About Last Night.

He Said 'i Worry About You Being Alone', And I Told Him That I Had A Lot Of Friendss, Family, And Church Friends. A Good Support Group, And Please Don't Worry About Me. I Told Him, 'there Will Come A Time When You Won't Want To Be Here On Earth', And He Shook His Head Yes. I Think He Feels That Way Right Now.

So, As I Lay Down On The Couch I Imagined Trying To Awake Him Some Morning, And He Would Not Wake Up. Just Thinking About It Brought Tears. We Are All In This Together, And We All Feel Pain For Each Other. Let Us Not Forget Each Other's Sorrows And Pain, But Keep Us All In Each Other's Prayers.

Jackiemax
 
I know it easy for anyone to say I feel your pain, but I truly do. I could not gt out of bed this morning, so my wife had to get the voyager lift out and strap me in and dress me, lift me up, and place me in the wheelchair. I would have stayed in bed but I had to go the Doctor today.

I thought about the time when she would find me not breathing one day, maybe sooner than I think. I also thought about maybe writing her out a list of what to do when,,,,,,,and put it in my pill box. So that when she is so stressed, she could just follow steps, 1, 2, 3, 4 etc. And not have to really think about what she was doing at the time.

Ladies, what do you think? Is this something I should do or not? I need you help.

God Bless
Capt AL
 
Capt Al, I know I would appreciate it. I asked Don the other day if he would give me a list of some of the things he accomplished in his career. He printed out several resumes he had. I wanted them because I can't remember all the building projects all over the world that he was involved in but his accomplishments should be remembered when he goes.

I know I have to sit down and talk with him about what he wants re: wake, church music, burial etc. It's hard to bring up the subject though without having him think I expect him to go soon.....which I pray he doesn't!
 
I'd do it along with talking about my own plans, so the kids will know what to do if you both die in a crash, for example. When somebody is sick, the earlier you have this conversation the easier it is. At least this is what we found out with my Mom.

BTW, I have started 2 files for the kids. We each have a folder with awards from work, Lee's certificate from the time he won a road race, and so forth. I put in any photos I could find, clearly labeled on the back with subjects, place, and year. And old resumes, of course. Cindy
 
al

Hi Al,

Maybe I misunderstood your question but I am thinking you are asking what would help your wife if she found you in bed after you had already gone on to Heaven. If I misunderstood forgive me. The answer is yes leave a note on the front of the phone book or some place she won't have to think where it is. I would put the names and phone numbers of your doctors on that list too. The person responding to your 911 call will need them. If you should be on Hospice that is the only phone call she will have to make. They will take care of the rest. If not, she might turn into mush like I did. I knew what to do and just couldn't do it. I had called my sister who does not live far away about 45 minutes before LB died. If she had not come, I might still be standing beside his body today wondering what to do! It's amazing how easy it is to forget what to do in time of stress.

Take care Al, your wife is blessed to have you.

terri
 
I was thinking of more immediate things to do, because of the shock factor kicking in. Like:
1. Call your brother to come over immediately, he can do most everything that needs to be done since he is a Police Chief.
2. Call 911 and ask for an ambulance. Explain you just found your husband not breathing and he had ALS.
3. Leave the room I am in until your relatives get there to help you.
4. Don't try to clean me up. (She does not need to being doing that, it will be in her mind forever)
5. Let yourself grieve, cry, whatever. Don't hold it in.
6. Remember I am not in that shell of a body. I have gone on to heaven.

Things like this, maybe some I have not thought of, to help her get through the first hour, day etc. If you can think of anymore to add to the list please let me know.

We already have the will, insurance, necessary papers filed where they can easily be reached. My funeral has already been planned. Just concerned about helping my wife get past the shock phase with this.

God Bless
Capt AL
 
Sounds like a great list, AL. I bet she will appreciate it and cherish it always. SO like you to be thinking of others at every step of the way! Cindy
 
Sometimes I think about leaving a packet for each of my kids but then I think, nah, that would be like haunting them. Don't know yet what I will finally decide to do with this.

Anybody writing their own obit? This I will do as a favor to save my husband the trouble and to make sure nice things are said about me. :-D

Liz
 
LOL! Thanks for the giggle, Liz. Cindy
 
answer to Al

my husband spent one entire day on the phone calling each of his ins. companies, calling the State of CA where he retired after retiring from the Air Force, to make sure what benefits i would be receiving, and he wrote down all their phone nos. for me, making a list of the information i would need for financial benefits.

he wrote down his bank accounts, and which bills came out automatically on each account. he encouraged me to use the ins. money to buy cd's to come due yearly month after month until it was gone.

he wrote his own obit due to the fact he was in the Air Force and he and i have only been married almost 7 years.

he has selected the funeral home, preachers to preach at his final service, one being my older brother, and ask me to choose the hymns.

he wants a military funeral, and there are a group of veterans in our town that does just that - serve at veteren's funerals.

and so, Al, anything you can do to help her with these things will be a blessing, and i assure you, when the time comes, i will be a basket case, and will not remember a thing i should do.

i hope this helps some of you.

jackiemax
 
Al, my father has planned his entire service and in fact, his tombstone is already carved except the date of death... he bought his plot in 2004 and had me take him to the cemetary so he could lay on it "to make sure it fits"! For my father to accept the inevitable, he had to do this... my siblings don't know all of the details but they are extensive. He has even arranged with a friend to sing the song "Groovin" at his graveside services, wants us to wear shorts and drink cocktails afterwards. When my father goes, I will know exactly what to do without thinking, because he has emailed me the details SO many times and made me recite to him what he wants. Although it seems a bit macabre, I am grateful that he did this. It was hard as hell during that time, hard for me to keep a straight face and be strong, but he has the peace of mind knowing that all of the details are set, including exactly who should be there and who shouldn't.

Making a list for your family would be a great thing and it will give you the peace of mind knowing you did that for them and that whatever wishes you have, will be followed.
 
Al, it saddens me to the core to read these posts. These posts drive me to tears, seriously, because I've been there. What you are thinking about doing is a great idea, and I'll bet your wife will feel you standing right next to her. She'll kiss that note, hold it to her heart, and your presence will be felt! I feel my son's presence all the time. Everything he touched I touch and give it a little kiss, and it makes me feel like he is standing next to me. A loved one will NEVER be forgotten! May God bless you and your family!

Irma
 
Liz my son called me to his side on a Saturday, June 2, 2007, and gave me a list of who he wanted as pall bearers, he talked some about how he wanted his service, the video, the pics, the music, and on Sunday June 3rd he passed at 5:50pm. Talking about being hit on the head with a sledge hammer! I wanted to die. I was expecting for him to be with us at least another 6 mos to a year, but when it happened I felt like I was left holding the bag! Liz, I WANTED TO DIE, too! I learned not to be afraid of death, and I am not. Before my son's illness it was a different story. His illness and his passing made me a brave person. It strengthened me. God bless you, dear!

Irma
 
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