Tlo57
Active member
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2017
- Messages
- 46
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 09/2017
- Country
- US
- State
- FL
- City
- Winter haven
My twin brother passed away last night at 9:30 or so in a nursing home in Tn. The last time I saw him was about a year ago. He was rushed to ER, had to be intubated and then put on a ventilator. He was then transferred to specialty hospital for 30 days which is where I saw him last. I spent a few days there visiting. I’ll never forget him crying and telling his wife he wanted to go home and didn’t want to go to nursing home. That had to be the most intense emotional pain I’ve ever experienced. He’s a vet so he got tons of financial support. His wife didn’t want him to come home because she didn’t think she could care for him, so he was sent to a nursing home in Crossville. I offered to give up my apt and relocate to Tn to help because he would need 2 ppl 24/7 due to the vent. I was very angry with the decision, but I understand I guess? He’s been alone for a year since COVID, unable to have visits, but we spoke daily. He was sent to hospital about a month ago due to testing positive for covid. He was somewhat confused lately and irritated. I finally got permission to visit for 30 minute intervals by appt. I booked the hotel, planned on making the 10 hr drive through the night to visit tomorrow and Friday. I just got a new phone and accidentally deleted the old phones contents. He was having difficulty hearing me on the previous phone. I rec’d a message of condolence from a childhood friend today. I was really confused so called my brother’s wife. He passed away last night. No one could reach me because they were sending messages and calling the old phone that unfortunately wasn’t charged. I discovered today that he attempted to reach me 3x’s yesterday and left messages on my old phone. All he kept saying was “Siri call Tina” and rather than Sri dialing the new number, it kept dialing the previous number. I missed the last opportunity to talk to him. He said he didn’t think he would make it to Thursday and I told him that was nonsense. Our mother passed away a couple of months ago causing him to be severely distraught. I couldn’t go to the funeral because I was suffering with COVID. The nurse said he had been calling out for my mother these last few days and his wife said that he kept seeing both of our parents who are deceased. I can’t believe that I missed his calls and that I was a day late seeing him. The nurse said at 9pm yesterday he wanted to get out of bed and sit in a chair, since it was late she wouldn’t allow it. He called me a few days ago and said that they had him in another room strapped in like a caged animal. Of course I called the nurse who said it wasn’t true. According to her, he kept swinging his legs to get out of bed, but since being completely paralyzed he was very frustrated. All he had left was limited mobility in right hand. He also called respiratory and told them to come and remove him from vent. She said 20 minutes after calming him down, a tech was going from room to room and noticed he was very pale. At that point the nurse said he had no vitals. I asked if it was peaceful & she responded yes, but I guess I’ll never know because he was alone and there weren’t any witnesses. She said his oxygen levels were good so this came as a huge surprise. She also said he knew how to get their attention if something was wrong. I’m very sad and don’t want to torture myself with the idea of him suffering. I thought I would be inconsolable because we are twins and we’re very close, but I think because I was somewhat prepared and I’ve been grieving since he was diagnosed in 2017, I’m keeping it together. There were times when I couldn’t even talk about him without sobbing uncontrollably. I’m very sad and don’t understand why I missed his last call and why he passed away the day before I was finally given permission to visit?