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My sweet husband is gone.

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Buckhorn

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My PALS, husband Dave passed away a week ago, July 4th. It was sudden and I did not expect it. Dave had a history of DVT's, pulmonary embolism, and a heart valve issue, which had been monitored closely by a cardiologist over the years. After Dave's ALS diagnosis, we both felt a heart attack or similar event would be the kindest exit we could hope for. We held no hope for a cure and Dave suffered enough with this beastly disease. Through it all, he never once said "why me" and rarely complained about his own problems. His first thoughts were always of me and what a toll this was taking on me. He thanked me every single time I did something for him - every time!

Although cause of death is listed as "Complications of ALS / respiratory failure" it is my belief that Dave had a heart attack or possibly another PE. Unfortunately I was outside for about 25-30 min when whatever event it was took place. I had no warning - he ate breakfast and lunch as usual with no difficulties or complaints and he was watching a baseball game when I went outside. If Dave can be credited with orchestrating his own end, then this is the way he would have wanted it. I am sure he would have wanted to save me from watching him die. He looked peaceful ..... just like he often did when he fell asleep. I cannot begin to describe the emptiness I feel and the hollow feeling in my heart.

Being an agnostic at best, Dave viewed death as a finality. In recent years, and especially as this disease had him fully within it's grasp, we did not talk too much about any "afterlife'. I will continue to hope there is a place for good, kind-hearted people ..... a place where animals, flowers, baseball and books are also allowed! Dave surely would not mind tending the gardens, should there be such a place.
 

lgelb

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I'm very sorry to hear this, Buckhorn, but very glad to hear that Dave took his seat on the bench during a game and after a good meal. May we all find our rest in equal peace, and may the light he left you illuminate your own gardens of the future.

Best,
Laurie
 

affected

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Oh Buckhorn, I am so very sorry for your loss, deeply sorry.

The way he went out was a blessing for sure - enjoying a game, and with you nearby but not having to watch. At first I thought, oh no you were out of the room, then I read the next bit and feeling of peace with that came to me.

You have given so much here while you dealt with your own trials as a CALS, and you are family.

The emptiness is awful, the loss is profound, but the love you shared is a treasure no one can ever take from you.

I hope you find peace quickly, and know you were the most amazing CALS. I have the utmost respect for you and am so glad to have met you here.
 

JimInVA

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Dear Buckhorn,


I'm sorry to hear of your beloved Dave's passing. But I've got to imagine that he went on the best of terms that he could muster - in front of the TV with a baseball game being played, his love outside in the sun and his own swing for the stars from his own home plate. I had a glimpse of the emptiness last week and feel for what you must now be feeling. I wish for you the strength that comes from the happiest of memories that you shared.


My very best...


Jim
 

Nikki J

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I am very sorry for your loss and what a shock.

I am happy he went quickly and peacefully doing what he enjoyed

Wishing you peace comfort and happy memories
 
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wishmobbing

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Oh, Buckhorn, what an unexpected shock! I am so very sorry for your immense loss.
You made your husband's remaining time as full of life as he could only hope for and I'm happy that he thanked you in so many ways. You truly are a one-woman show and you already wrote what will give you comfort.

We're here for you when you can't stand the emptiness. You have so much energy and joy in you, I'm sure you'll heal well if you only give yourself the time and space.

No need to just hope for that place. It's right in your heart and in the hearts of everyone Dave's story touched.
 

tripete

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i do not know what to say other than to offer my deepest condolances
 

pittsburghgal

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Buckhorn, I am so sorry for your loss of your husband. I am glad he passed peacefully and I wish for the same passing for my PALS.

I learned so much from your posts here and it was always evident how wonderful a caregiver you were for Dave. You were an inspiration to me.

You are in my thoughts and I'm wishing you comfort and strength to deal with the emptiness.

Sharon
 

Angiegal

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So sorry for your loss.

Angie
 

KarenNWendyn

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Wow, Buckhorn. I am so sorry for your loss. On the other hand, it sounds like this is how Dave wanted to go, given the diagnosis of ALS, and I’m glad he didn’t have a lingering period of actively dying.

I felt a connection with Dave through all your posts and I could totally relate to so many of his and your ideals. My thoughts are with you and your family.
 

chally

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Apr 23, 2015
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Sending you all the love and hugs.
 

beauty4everyone

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"Nothing can ever take away the love a heart holds.". I'm so very sorry for your loss. B.
 

azgirl

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Joined
Jan 20, 2014
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so sorry for your loss. Your tribute to Dave is beautiful and moving. The love you shared comes through loud and strong.

he is at peace from this monster and I'm glad he was able to go doing something he loved.

peace and love to yo.
kay
 

KimT

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Buckhorn,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Fly free, Dave.

Now it is time for you to begin your journey of healing. I know you have peace with Dave's passing so now it's time to take care of yourself.

Love & Peace,
Kim
 

texastc

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Aug 30, 2015
Messages
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Lost a loved one
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09/2013
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Buckhorn

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know where you are and although it is terrible, you can rest a little knowing he is flying free. Godspeed Dave.

My thoughts are with you today.

TC
 
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