My stuff is still MY STUFF

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dldugan

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While we may be unable to use our belongings as we once did, some of us do have an opinion on how to dispose of our stuff. In fact, there is the possibility that we would like to retain some things we cannot use well as a connection to our past healthy life.

Discuss things with me and you may well find the way I would like to dispose of my stuff could be best.

CALS and other family members please keep in mind that we are still here.
 

JimInVA

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Absolutely!
 

Jlynn

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I would never have gotten rid of anything of my PALS without his permission and I'm sorry as it sounds like it happend to you.
 

azgirl

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I was one who decided when I was ready to give away my three treasured bikes, to three close friends and I get to see them be enjoyed.

golf clubs to my sister. Special putter to my best golfing buddy.

my favorite hoodies to many different friends.. They love wearing.

jewelry of any sentimental value to my children.

my library of books I allowed friends and family choose what ever they wished.

all shoes and bras to goodwill! most clothing given away.

I felt good to be involved with the placement of material belongings when I was ready.

All went to good homes, but it definitely should be your decision, to make.
 

swalker

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This is something I struggle with. Nobody has gotten rid of any of my stuff. There have been very few discussions about it initiated by others.

However, I have things I know I should get rid of but still have an emotional attachment to. The trombone I can no longer play, my favorite pair of skis, my bikes, all my backpacking equipment, etc.

About a year ago I approached a good friend (and climbing partner) and offered him all my climbing equipment. I really wanted him to have it. He must have sensed my emotion about it and told me to hang onto it. So, it sits in the closet all neatly organized and ready to go on the next climbing trip -- which I will never take.

I know it would give me great joy for others to put all this stuff to good use, but somehow I have not yet reached the point where I am ready to let it go.

Someday I will. I am working up to it slowly;).

Steve
 

KarenNWendyn

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Agreed. But I think it’s important for PALS to make it clear to family, friends, and other caregivers what stuff they want to hold onto, and who gets what (if anything) while they’re still around and after they’re gone. Anything not pre-assigned is fair game after we’re gone.

Keep in mind that your living space will also need to have room for medical equipment. And keep in mind that the caregiver will also need to have their space, and there should be mutual respect with this.

I sold all my musical instruments once I was no longer able to play them, and I sold or gave away all my bicycles and ski equipment because I just didn’t see the sense of having it any of those things around making me sad when I could no longer use them.

I had a potluck for a number of my music friends. After we ate, we all went into my music room and I gave away all my music and other equipment which I had not sold. While it was sad to part with things that has given me so much pleasure for many years, it was satisfying to know that they went to people who could appreciate them, while also lightening my burden.
 

affected

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oh I'm so sorry - I can't imagine how that would feel.

It was huge for me cleaning out everything over the 2 years after because my Chris was a hoarder and I am not. He would say - it gives me pleasure just knowing I have it, even if it is in a box in a room and I don't look at it. I totally respected that!

The only thing we had to move on while he was still with me, was his car once he couldn't drive, but that didn't happen until he gave the ok too.

I hope you can find a way to let your CALS know the importance stuff has to you and that it isn't already gone. If it is, I hope you can deal with the grief - vent here for sure!!!
 

Vincent

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I have a wife who does purges on a regular basis. So when she starts giving my stuff away, I don't panic. It's just another in a long line of purges.
Vincent
 

KimT

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I'm one of those de-clutter often persons so giving things away is second nature to me. It makes me very nervous to see unused things accumulating, even if they have fond memories.

When I moved, I sold 50% of my belongings and donated another 25%. I had already donated all my work clothes and uncomfortable shoes. My closet is now filled with comfortable clothes and bathing suits. Some of the shoes I could wear last year need to be given away. I just gave all my sandals to a friend and she was elated. I donated lots of towels because I like the easy dry ones from Bed Bath & Beyond. Some of the fancy ones went to a woman just starting out, along with some extra sheets that weren't deep enough.

I started giving away my jewelry. I plan on giving away the one piece that is very close to my heart to my niece because she was my mother's favorite person and they were very close.

I have a different situation that most PALS. I have a housemate. He brought his clutter into the condo but now he is starting to give things away. He was a runner and surfer but had a pacemaker implanted and cut a nerve in his arm trimming brush several years ago so his left hand is much more atrophied and useless than mine, at this time. He can no longer surf. He went out a few times last year and came back sad. He now walks the beach and doesn't run. We gave our bikes away and he sold one of his three surfboards. The other two are mounted in our office. He mentioned selling them but I'm really OK as they remind me of our lives before.

I found out that I don't wear some of the things I thought I would so they went to my church thrift store yesterday. I have one more bag to take on Sunday and I want to give a friend my Apple watch because my fine motor skills are not good enough to use it much. It just sits there. The friend teaches yoga and is into fitness so I think she will give it a good home.

I sold my golf clubs and scuba gear long before I moved. I recently reduced my kitchen stuff and made some people happy.

Now for the true confession and the reverse. I bought three new TVs when I moved in and two new computers. Last year I bought a new iPad and gave my other one to a friend. I plan on trading in my iPhones (I have two) for a new one. I bought a dehumidifier and space heater. Fortunately, I have huge closets and charging stations for my PWC/phone/etc.

I also decided I needed some nice all weather jackets so I bought some from Lands End and Tommy Bahama along with some sweats and new t-shirts.

As for the bras.....I should have thrown them out years ago. I still have one for hot days when I'm wearing a tight tank top. I did have to give away one of my favorite bathing suits because I was falling out of it on top hahahaha. That's what weight gain will do for a girl.
 

affected

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Still it would be horrible to come in one day and find someone else had given a bunch of your stuff away. I guess that is the whole thing of it being 'my stuff'. If you choose to give away or sell or toss, it's because it's yours.

My Chris did actually give away quite a few things because he had things he wanted people to have. I think there is something empowering in gifting things, it can feel so good to see the delight on someone's face as you give them something, not junk, but something they will find valuable to their life.

All the 'stuff' I had to go through was stuff he just liked hanging on to :lol: But still I wouldn't have done it differently - it was his to hold onto!
 

Jlynn

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KimT......nothin' wrong with big boobies. Haha
 

Narrowminded

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I didn’t give or throw away any of DH’s things unless he specifically asked, or if it were clothes that were tattered, but I still showed them to him and got his consent.

I will repaint the room he was in. Not my color, but what he wanted and it was his space so he got what he wanted.

I’m so sorry if someone is not respecting you.
 

chally

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Purge,purge I loved giving stuff away. Guns,bows,fly rods,kayak,mt bikes,road bike ,snowboarding gear, farm equipment,cattle,hogs
Tons of stuff, and more to do. Each grandkid got a musical instrument. Loving giving Potlatch
 

notBrad

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KimT......nothin' wrong with big boobies. Haha
Can I get an Amen...

I have given amps and effects racks, etc to friends. My guitars are pretty valuable as well as my guns and they are all spoken for.

I have 3 sets of clubs, numerous softball bats, gloves, etc...


My clothes will be given away with the exception of those that are of sentimental value. I have some things like a 40 years-old black leather motorcycle jacket, etc...

I do find comfort in knowing that those close to me will remember me when they wear / use / look at the things I left behind.
 
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KateEmerson

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This is an example of my husband's degree of hoarding, which could NOT be thrown out. The funny thing is , now when I look at all his " must keeps" it makes me smile and as Brad said remember him.
 

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