Ninja, you should be proud of what you were able to do to care for your PALS, in spite of unbeatable odds. It is natural to look back at things and think you shoulda/coulda done something differently, a bit better, etc. For a long time I dwelled upon the last few days preceding Dave's death. Did I groan in pain too much when lifting him; did I say things I shouldn't have? I remember that the day before he died, I was grumpy and didn't try to hide it from him. Then, I forced myself to think of all the special things I did for him. How I shared a very funny video with him the day he passed away. How I had made him a special meal the night before, and fed him fresh raspberries the morning that he died. How I brought in flowers from the garden for him....... Whenever I have thoughts about the not-so-perfect moments I spent around Dave, I try to think of all the great things I did as well. I hope you can do this as well. Blessings my friend!