Jason's Dream
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2010
- Messages
- 310
- Country
- US
- State
- As Usual
- City
- On My Own
I'm not sure who will all remember me, as it has been some time since my Sweetheart died in 2011.
I am now over 3 years out into my new existence as a widow and mom to two beautiful little loves.
I did hire a moving truck and 2 guys and moved us back into Jason and I's house. That was indeed a blessing, and gave me more distance. I still take care of my parent's house, and yes, they moved 3 time zones away, and are still there. I still get very anxious on the inside about going to that town and possibly seeing any of Jason's family while there. Yes, they have still been hell. 3 years later and stealing the toys that our little loves placed on their Dadda's grave, and my love letters of over 2 years, off of his grave. I still haven't been able to save up to buy him a headstone, as money is incredibly tight. His family is still giving me hell on Facebook, by creating new identities and stealing my profile pictures of my babies. So now, I no longer use facial pictures on Facebook, to protect my little loves. They also like to still bash me on Facebook, by saying there is a special place in hell for me, or maybe my hell was losing Jason and never finding that again. Jason would roll over in his grave if he knew his nephew had threatened to break my leg, or key my van. All of that stemming from the muddled crap his sisters spew to their children as fact, but is a total load of crap.
New news, his egg-donor ("biological mom") died last year. I found out via obituary. They held a memorial service at the same funeral home that Jason's funeral was at, only she was cremated. With the fact that my babies had no memory of her, we weren't told she was terminal, or even asked if she could see my babies, and William remembering that this funeral was where his Dadda's funeral was at, the hostility from his sisters and aunts, I thought it best we not attend the memorial. Then still getting bashed that I didn't allow her to see the kids before she died, when I was never told she was ill, never called to ask if she could see them, etc.. only found out about her death in the obituary. Again, their logic is priceless.
His one aunt, still sends cards to the kids on their birthdays, with little notes to me, stating that I can't keep her from seeing them, which is a load of bull crap. She never asks to see them, or meet up, just gives this BS. So, I save the cards in a box for if they ever want to see them, but at this young age, they have no memory of her, and she doesn't ask to see them.
William is now a big 7 year old. He has lost 4 front teeth and working on his 5th loose tooth. He is quite smart and reminds me of his Dadda so much. His Dadda loved history, and William loves to learn about the Presidents. He can tell you the 1-9, 16, 23, 26, 32, 35, 41, 43-43 presidents and some facts about each one. He can tell you how many presidents died while in office, how many were assassinated or died of natural causes, how many presidents were not elected into office, how many father/son presidents we have and their names and numbers, how many grandfather/grandson presidents we have, their names and numbers, how many presidents were born on the fourth of July and their name(s), and how many presidents died on the fourth of July, their names, and their number of presidency. He can also tell you which president is on which currency, as well as the relationship between the Roosevelts. He can tell time, read quite well (10 letter words), two column addition and subtraction, dry measurements, linear measurements, how to write in cursive, and is also learning Spanish. He still loves trains, and we go on the Thomas the Train and Polar Express each year. He also likes anything with wheels, and so the last 2 years we have also added the Monster Jam to our venues as well.
Katie is now 4. She is potty-trained, and is in K3 now. She can tell you the 1st, 5th, 16th, and current president, as well as our state's current Governor. She knows her alphabet and the sounds of the letters, her phonetic blends, the 1 and 3 vowel rules, as well as the KC rule. She can also recognize her numbers and can count to 100 by 1's and 10's. She also knows her colors. She still struggles with her health. She sees her pediatric pulmonologist, pediatric cardiologist, and her pediatric gastroenterologist regularly. She has a Strong's murmur, a P.F.O., as well as Lung Disease, Asthma and seasonal allergies that really create havoc for her Asthma, as well as an enlarged colon. She constantly keeps me on my toes, but is so stubborn, so spirited and full of life, and so ornery. She definitely would have had Jason wrapped around her little fingers.
With both of them in school, I have worked out a barter system with her school, that their tuition is free, and then I work there as the Preschool/Elementary/Middle School/ High School Art Teacher, as well as give Art lessons after school, in which then their after-care at the school is free for my babies, as I also help other students trying to work on Fine Arts projects and assignments. I have really enjoyed becoming an Art Teacher, and my students love me.
This past week, I went to a funeral of a friend of mine who lost her husband of 3 months to complications from a surgery. He was 29 and she was 28. It was so hard to go to the funeral, knowing the hell she has endured and the journey she is now on. As my heart was heavy for her, I came back to my little love's school, and walked into my classroom, and was met with , "Mrs. Miley!" and lots of clapping, as several students greeted me with hugs, and one little boy (who has not really been interested in Art) took the time to take the lessons I had taught his class the previous week and done those same patterns and such in a heart drawing and gave it to me, saying he drew it just for me. <3
Definitely rewarding, and being so close to my little loves during the day, as well as, should Katie have health concerns, or William wanting to run up and give me a hug and get a kiss from his Momma. They are both proud that their Momma teaches at their school, and I think it is comforting that I am there at the school, within feet of where they are. It also allows us to have summers free to go to the Zoo, take our bikes down to local state parks and do picnics and such.
I still haven't been able to move Jason, as money is indeed tight. I do feel guilty about all that, and the fact that I just don't have the funds for his head stone, but knowing his heart, I know he would want me to take care of our little loves.
They are definitely thriving where we are, the school loves on our babies, and they give their teachers hugs and their teachers, in turn, hug and love on them as their own. <3
Would love to hear how you are doing on your grief journey and how your life has changed as well.
*hugs* and much love, my friends. <3
I am now over 3 years out into my new existence as a widow and mom to two beautiful little loves.
I did hire a moving truck and 2 guys and moved us back into Jason and I's house. That was indeed a blessing, and gave me more distance. I still take care of my parent's house, and yes, they moved 3 time zones away, and are still there. I still get very anxious on the inside about going to that town and possibly seeing any of Jason's family while there. Yes, they have still been hell. 3 years later and stealing the toys that our little loves placed on their Dadda's grave, and my love letters of over 2 years, off of his grave. I still haven't been able to save up to buy him a headstone, as money is incredibly tight. His family is still giving me hell on Facebook, by creating new identities and stealing my profile pictures of my babies. So now, I no longer use facial pictures on Facebook, to protect my little loves. They also like to still bash me on Facebook, by saying there is a special place in hell for me, or maybe my hell was losing Jason and never finding that again. Jason would roll over in his grave if he knew his nephew had threatened to break my leg, or key my van. All of that stemming from the muddled crap his sisters spew to their children as fact, but is a total load of crap.
New news, his egg-donor ("biological mom") died last year. I found out via obituary. They held a memorial service at the same funeral home that Jason's funeral was at, only she was cremated. With the fact that my babies had no memory of her, we weren't told she was terminal, or even asked if she could see my babies, and William remembering that this funeral was where his Dadda's funeral was at, the hostility from his sisters and aunts, I thought it best we not attend the memorial. Then still getting bashed that I didn't allow her to see the kids before she died, when I was never told she was ill, never called to ask if she could see them, etc.. only found out about her death in the obituary. Again, their logic is priceless.
His one aunt, still sends cards to the kids on their birthdays, with little notes to me, stating that I can't keep her from seeing them, which is a load of bull crap. She never asks to see them, or meet up, just gives this BS. So, I save the cards in a box for if they ever want to see them, but at this young age, they have no memory of her, and she doesn't ask to see them.
William is now a big 7 year old. He has lost 4 front teeth and working on his 5th loose tooth. He is quite smart and reminds me of his Dadda so much. His Dadda loved history, and William loves to learn about the Presidents. He can tell you the 1-9, 16, 23, 26, 32, 35, 41, 43-43 presidents and some facts about each one. He can tell you how many presidents died while in office, how many were assassinated or died of natural causes, how many presidents were not elected into office, how many father/son presidents we have and their names and numbers, how many grandfather/grandson presidents we have, their names and numbers, how many presidents were born on the fourth of July and their name(s), and how many presidents died on the fourth of July, their names, and their number of presidency. He can also tell you which president is on which currency, as well as the relationship between the Roosevelts. He can tell time, read quite well (10 letter words), two column addition and subtraction, dry measurements, linear measurements, how to write in cursive, and is also learning Spanish. He still loves trains, and we go on the Thomas the Train and Polar Express each year. He also likes anything with wheels, and so the last 2 years we have also added the Monster Jam to our venues as well.
Katie is now 4. She is potty-trained, and is in K3 now. She can tell you the 1st, 5th, 16th, and current president, as well as our state's current Governor. She knows her alphabet and the sounds of the letters, her phonetic blends, the 1 and 3 vowel rules, as well as the KC rule. She can also recognize her numbers and can count to 100 by 1's and 10's. She also knows her colors. She still struggles with her health. She sees her pediatric pulmonologist, pediatric cardiologist, and her pediatric gastroenterologist regularly. She has a Strong's murmur, a P.F.O., as well as Lung Disease, Asthma and seasonal allergies that really create havoc for her Asthma, as well as an enlarged colon. She constantly keeps me on my toes, but is so stubborn, so spirited and full of life, and so ornery. She definitely would have had Jason wrapped around her little fingers.
With both of them in school, I have worked out a barter system with her school, that their tuition is free, and then I work there as the Preschool/Elementary/Middle School/ High School Art Teacher, as well as give Art lessons after school, in which then their after-care at the school is free for my babies, as I also help other students trying to work on Fine Arts projects and assignments. I have really enjoyed becoming an Art Teacher, and my students love me.
This past week, I went to a funeral of a friend of mine who lost her husband of 3 months to complications from a surgery. He was 29 and she was 28. It was so hard to go to the funeral, knowing the hell she has endured and the journey she is now on. As my heart was heavy for her, I came back to my little love's school, and walked into my classroom, and was met with , "Mrs. Miley!" and lots of clapping, as several students greeted me with hugs, and one little boy (who has not really been interested in Art) took the time to take the lessons I had taught his class the previous week and done those same patterns and such in a heart drawing and gave it to me, saying he drew it just for me. <3
Definitely rewarding, and being so close to my little loves during the day, as well as, should Katie have health concerns, or William wanting to run up and give me a hug and get a kiss from his Momma. They are both proud that their Momma teaches at their school, and I think it is comforting that I am there at the school, within feet of where they are. It also allows us to have summers free to go to the Zoo, take our bikes down to local state parks and do picnics and such.
I still haven't been able to move Jason, as money is indeed tight. I do feel guilty about all that, and the fact that I just don't have the funds for his head stone, but knowing his heart, I know he would want me to take care of our little loves.
They are definitely thriving where we are, the school loves on our babies, and they give their teachers hugs and their teachers, in turn, hug and love on them as their own. <3
Would love to hear how you are doing on your grief journey and how your life has changed as well.
*hugs* and much love, my friends. <3
