My Mom

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SoniaT

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Hi,

I'm so very sorry to hear about your mom. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. I lost my mom on November 8/03 and I'm still reeling from shock and loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I hope you will be ok.

Sonia
British Columbia
 

penny

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Feb 23, 2004
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hi my mom passed away in october 2003 my brother and i were her main care givers.we sat with her all night the night before she died it was so peaceful.anyways we were both so worried about her service about breaking down but neither of us cried actually i didn't cry for about a month later i love my mom very much she was my best friend she new all my secrets.so not crying is o.k. because in your heart you know and she knows. my heart goes out to you penny
 

TBear

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Nov 4, 2003
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Hi:
When my wife passed away, almost 3 years ago, I also was AWOL. What kind of husband goes to work on the day his wife dies? I was with her, and looked after her for all but 5 days out of the previous 4 years... but that still that wasn't enough for some people.
I took comfort in two things. One, I know that I was there when she needed me most.
The second is something my Dad told me. He told me to have confidence in my choices, and that those people who seem to care about what I do, don't really matter... and that the people that matter most to me don't really care.
Whether or not you broke down at your mom's funeral is a very personal thing and really nobody's business except yours... just as you know that you were there for your mom when she needed you most...

Take Care, carry on...
 

TBear

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Hi Carol:
I'd really like to be finished with winter right now but I still have some work that depends on the weather staying cold. In the back of my mind I am secretly pining away to get back up to my cottage.
Yes, I know exactly how you are feeling. I was married for 24 years... but we met 12 years earlier so I'd been with her for 36 of her 50 years! I could read her mind (for as much as any man can understand what is on a woman's mind). The most difficult part was trying to remember that I was the husband and not the nurse. She already had enough clinical people around her and she needed real people with her!
The subtle changes and modifications to our lives, I think, moderate us philosophically so yep I think we all greived a little bit each day, but tried to hold onto any glimmer of hope. Over all, those of us who were intimately involved with her care fared much better than those who were close to my wife but couldn't or didn't "get in the game". After 3 years they are still suffering and wonder how I and my girls can possibly be coping with the loss. I'm more patient, less confrontational, maybe a bit stoic... definitly sarcastic ( but I didn't develop that from being a caregiver).
25 years of marriage is a major accomplishment these days when so many people bail out on each other when the going gets tough. You are a true warrior and probably a certified nutcase... congratulations! I'm still waiting for the shower story... but the foot warming is starting to catch everybody's interest... no wonder Henry is hanging in there!
More later... I want to get email off to a couple of my kids about this fitness thing in Montreal later on in the month.

CHeers
 

SoniaT

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Nov 20, 2003
Messages
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Country
CA
State
British Columbia
Your mom

Hi,

I'm glad to hear that you went to your mom's funeral even though it was very upsetting for you. The slideshow you mentioned sounds like a lovely tribute to your mom, what a nice idea.

You sound like an awesome person who loved your mom very much.

It's too bad that your dad can't be the person you want him to be and that he can't say "thank you" for your efforts. Perhaps some day he will be able to.

You mentioned that this time in your life is like a bad dream, I have felt like that too. My mom died on November 8/03 since then it seems like I have a bad movie playing over and over again in my head.

I have gone to grief counselling and I did find it helpful. It was 8 sessions with a group, and although I was hesitant at first to do the group thing it was a great experience and I made a new friend.

When my mom died I wondered what my purpose in life was too. I have used my grief to help other people who are dealing with ALS and to help raise awareness of this terrible disease that takes away our loved ones. What I did take away from this experience is that I was privileged to have been there for mom in life and to be there for her when she went on to a better place.

Everyone tells me that it will get better with time. How much time I don't know! Please hang in there, don't give up, I know it's hard.

Please feel free to email me anytime you need to chat.

Please take care, Sonia
 

Erica 1

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Oct 17, 2003
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My mom

Hello all,

Thank you to all of your kind words and support. It has been 2.5 months since my mom passed away from this horrible disease and almost exactly a year since I came home from overseas to be with her. I never even thought last year at this time that I would have only 10 months to be with her. Today we are having her interim and it is going to be hard, but hopefully will give me some closure. I have had my days of feeling I am alright and then other days that I feel so sad and really wish I could go to a movie with my mom(a regular activity of ours) or just sit and talk to her. It actually still feels like it is a movie playing over over and it will be over soon. I did have a nice dream that I met up with my mom who was sipping some wine and laughing- she always liked wine and had a zest for life.
A few weeks after my mom passed away, I was offered a full time job which was good, but it is only temporary till the Fall which is too bad because I actually quite like it. I just cringe at the thought of job hunting here again and find that so many things remind me of mom. Part of me wants to go overseas again, but do not want to 'run away', but feel I have gone through all my options here and often feel lost as if my purpose here is gone. My dad and I are really trying to getting along which is nice, but I know that I have to move on and feel it is time to get my own place now, but feel sad to leave him alone. I have talked to my dad abot it and he looked sad, but said he was moving eventually anyways and he would not be upset if I left. It seems as if I live my whole life living in guilt and wondering if I am doing the right thing. Anyways, just needed to get some things off my chest and am praying for you all, because I know how hard it is.

Love Evi
P.S. Carol- I worked for a magazine in OZ where I wrote an article and wrote one here for a new magazine. I have thought about the journalism field, but never really thought I was good enough.
 

Carol Deboer

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May 7, 2003
Messages
343
Hi Honey,

HOW INTUITIVE AM I? GET ON WITH IT GIRL.... YOU GO AND BE A WRITER, AND A DAMN GOOD ONE. YOU HAVE A GIFT, I JUST THOUGHT OF YOU, AND PICTURED YOU AND I THOUGHT OF YOU AS A WRITER. RIGHT ON ! YOU HAVE AN INCREDIBLE GIFT, NOW SHARE WIT WITH THE WORLD. YOU HAVE TRAVELLED THE WORLD, SEEN MUCH, LIVED MUCH, HURT MUCH. USE YOUR LIFE'S TOOLS AND SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU. GOOD LUCK. YOU WILL BE A JOURNALIST, AND YOU WILL BE AWESOME.

CAROL D. XOXO
 
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