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Hello Newtothis and welcome to the forum. Sorry you lost your Dad. The folks around here are very supportive so feel free to write anytime as you grive his loss. We are here for you. Cindy
 
Newtothis,

I am really sorry to hear about your dad....I hope you are doing much better than I am. I had so much energy when I was looking after my mom and now I am having great difficulty just getting off the sofa.

I am not sure why but I was unable to send you a private message, if you wish you can email me at
[email protected]
 
Anne

Honestly, I really do not know how I am doing....

A little about me, I've never really posted on here, but I am constantly reading the posts everyday. It helps. It really makes you feel that you are not alone.

My Dad was diagnosed last September. So, I guess its been pretty much exactley a year. He passed at home, just where he wanted to be. And if I had to pick a way, how it would all play out, I guess you could say we were lucky.

I live far away, but would fly home every two weeks to see him. The week before he passed, he sat me down and talked to me about everything. He knew it was coming.... and he told me he loved me and all that and I told him how much I loved him etc... we were very close. He passed 5 days later.

Last week the funeral came and went, and now I am back to life working etc...

Its weird, I feel a huge relief. I was sick to my stomach for the past year worried about him, and hated seeing him and my family suffer.... so I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. However, along with that feeling, I feel guilty for feeling relieved- does that make sense?

I am also worried about my Mom being alone. They were married for 39 years.

Its really, really crazy.......

I just don't know what to do.
 
Hi Newtothis- at my ripe age I've been through some tough losses and some not-so-tough losses and I can honestly say even I could not always predict which would be which. But I have learned to expect a lot of deep emotions-the kind that sweep you away. And not all of those emotions are to be expected. I guess with death there is no “normal.” You are doing fine. And remember we are always here for you, no matter how you feel. Cindy
 
Your family will forever be in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless~
Kari
 
Hi Newtothis,

I am sorry that you are going through this.

I understand exactly how you feel -- feeling guilty that you feel relieved.

I still feel guilty (it's been 10 months) that I feel relieved that I no longer have to watch
Linda suffer. Not to mention feeling relief from constant back aches from lifting her, turning her and re positioning her in her chair or bed almost constantly. I even remember thinking a few times before she died that I would feel relieved when I didn't have to brush her teeth for her anymore or use the cough assist machine or suction equipment as well as feed her through her G-tube. Not because of the work involved simply because I'd have to look into her eyes with each task I'd do for her and see her pained expression at the complete loss of control over her body. Caring for someone in that position is emotionally intimate beyond measure and in my opinion, impossible to not become overwhelmed at times.

It helps me to remember that what I did for Linda made it possible for her to stay at home and never need to have a paid stranger (besides the wonderful hospice bath nurse towards the end) care for her. I know that I helped her maintain some sense of dignity when she had lost all control.

Look for the many great things you did for your father and remember them often.

Please take care of yourself. I'll be praying for you.
Jeanne
 
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