ShellyRenee
Active member
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2005
- Messages
- 30
Good afternoon to all,
As you might of figured from my "title" I lost my "Chickie babe", my (step) mom. She lost her battle with ALS on Jan. 22, 2007 @ 12:20pm. Mom was three days shy of 20 months living with this disease.
I have such a mixture of feelings, sad, relieved, lost and angry. Sad because I know I will never see her again, touch her again or even help her. Relieved because I know she is in a better place and she doesn't have to fight & struggle with her own body anymore. Lost because taking care of her was my life for at least the last 8 months. Seven days a week I was with her. My dad made me "take off" on Sunday (Jan 21st) which drove me absolutely crazy. I bet I called him 10 times that day just to check in. Angry I am for two reasons, first because this disease can be so cruel and the one who has it can't do a darn thing about it or the loved ones can't either.
Dad and I were with mom when she passed. I begged her not to leave us at first but when I realized it couldn't be I told her it was ok and that I loved her. We knew she was weak BUT we did not know she was gonna go. Moms Dr. was going to be stopping out to the house @ 2:30 that day, it was too late. I wish I would of known that the end was here, I think I do anyways. What could I of done I don't know. Gave her one more hug, called her "Chickie babe" one more time and definately I would of been there that Sunday for her.
The day of moms funeral really cut all strings between me and my two real brothers and her boys, my stepbrothers. My (real) brothers and I did everything in our power to not to say what was on our minds. Moms youngest son did try to come around more but I wish for her that he would of came more. Now the oldest one, in my opinion he doesn't even deserve to be called her son. His own dang selfishness is unacceptable. He did not even make it to the church in time to say goodbye to her before the casket was closed. In fact if it wouldn't of been for me insisting that the church play the song "I will wait for you" (by Joe Nichlos) then my stepbrother would of came in after the service would of started. That was straight up rude and disrespectful to mom, she didn't deserve that.
Mom loved her Green Bay Packers so I come up with the idea of all of her grandsons to be her pallbearers and to wear their Packer Jersey's. I know she was smiling then. That smile she use to be able to do. Oh how I miss her so. I try to keep thinking of good memories. This next weekend will be tuff. Mom loved gambling (football pools) as much as she loved her Packers. I think she is on a total of 8 different pools, I hope she wins... I know she will be watching!
I must close for now but I will be back. THANK YOU to all for being there. I have to tell you AL I am trying real hard not to have bad/negative feelings about her son because you told me they will have to live with themselves. BUT is that any punishment?, I don't think so. I could NEVER do that!
I wish you all a good day and a better tomorrow. Take care!
Chickie babes daughter,
Shelly
As you might of figured from my "title" I lost my "Chickie babe", my (step) mom. She lost her battle with ALS on Jan. 22, 2007 @ 12:20pm. Mom was three days shy of 20 months living with this disease.
I have such a mixture of feelings, sad, relieved, lost and angry. Sad because I know I will never see her again, touch her again or even help her. Relieved because I know she is in a better place and she doesn't have to fight & struggle with her own body anymore. Lost because taking care of her was my life for at least the last 8 months. Seven days a week I was with her. My dad made me "take off" on Sunday (Jan 21st) which drove me absolutely crazy. I bet I called him 10 times that day just to check in. Angry I am for two reasons, first because this disease can be so cruel and the one who has it can't do a darn thing about it or the loved ones can't either.
Dad and I were with mom when she passed. I begged her not to leave us at first but when I realized it couldn't be I told her it was ok and that I loved her. We knew she was weak BUT we did not know she was gonna go. Moms Dr. was going to be stopping out to the house @ 2:30 that day, it was too late. I wish I would of known that the end was here, I think I do anyways. What could I of done I don't know. Gave her one more hug, called her "Chickie babe" one more time and definately I would of been there that Sunday for her.
The day of moms funeral really cut all strings between me and my two real brothers and her boys, my stepbrothers. My (real) brothers and I did everything in our power to not to say what was on our minds. Moms youngest son did try to come around more but I wish for her that he would of came more. Now the oldest one, in my opinion he doesn't even deserve to be called her son. His own dang selfishness is unacceptable. He did not even make it to the church in time to say goodbye to her before the casket was closed. In fact if it wouldn't of been for me insisting that the church play the song "I will wait for you" (by Joe Nichlos) then my stepbrother would of came in after the service would of started. That was straight up rude and disrespectful to mom, she didn't deserve that.
Mom loved her Green Bay Packers so I come up with the idea of all of her grandsons to be her pallbearers and to wear their Packer Jersey's. I know she was smiling then. That smile she use to be able to do. Oh how I miss her so. I try to keep thinking of good memories. This next weekend will be tuff. Mom loved gambling (football pools) as much as she loved her Packers. I think she is on a total of 8 different pools, I hope she wins... I know she will be watching!
I must close for now but I will be back. THANK YOU to all for being there. I have to tell you AL I am trying real hard not to have bad/negative feelings about her son because you told me they will have to live with themselves. BUT is that any punishment?, I don't think so. I could NEVER do that!
I wish you all a good day and a better tomorrow. Take care!
Chickie babes daughter,
Shelly
