My Discovery and Self-Diagnosis Story

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Zaphoon

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I am convinced I have a Terminal Twitch Disorder (TTD). I didn't know a thing about twitches, why they occurred or what harm, if any, they might be doing to my body until I heard it rumored they are an early, mid, and late stage symptom of ALS.

I have employed Dr. Google to figure out what ALS is all about and how my twitches play into it all. While searching various databases of varying degrees of repute, I have also been keeping a careful log of my terminal twitch disorder. In one hour alone, I counted 867! In one day, I counted a staggering 21,986 twitches! (I have to confess, that count may be off a few. (Icould have counted the same twitch twice.)

As I read web page after web page, I further discovered that twitches are a direct cause of tongue atrophy. Into the mirror I began to gaze, hour after hour with my tongue protruding from my face. I got out my magnifying glass to aid me in this examination of my tongue. There they were, the little devils! Twitches in my tongue!
Why, I could not hold my tongue still at all! No wonder choclate milk was losing its flavor! By the way, during these hours of tongue examination, I also experienced WEAKNESS! Yes, tongue weakness! Another sign of having a TTD!

Well, my worry increased substantially when cramps came into the picture. Yes! Cramps! I discovered that they, too, were an early, mid and late stage sign of ALS and I had them in my legs, now. Well, at least I think they are cramps. In either case, I'm sure my cramps are as terminal a thing as my twitches.

As part of my carefully documented journal, I have also made regular measurements of various limbs. My findings in this category are causing me further alarm as I have found huge differences in the size of my thighs from left to right! Shortly after this remarkable discovery, I have started to limp! Yes! My gate must have changed. Even though there hasn't been any weakness yet, I know it is coming!

I've heard that doctors do a variety of test to "rule out" everything else it could be but I am saving them the trouble because I already know what I have. Thank you all for feeling sorry for me and positng your kind words of sympathy.

Oops! I just felt a twitch starting in my cheeck. Now I am developing full-blown bulbar symptoms. I can already feel my tongue getting strange and I couldn't just now say an "s" right!

P.S. (the disclaimer)
The preceeding is not a factual account of any person or persons and is fictitional in nature but does, in part, represent my own character to some slight degree of accuracy.

Zaphoon
 

BethU

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Dear Physical Zaph ...

I am so sorry you are having these disturbing twitches. I'm amazed that you could count that high (21,986) in your condition. (Or were you that high already?)

From my own experience, I have learned that it is best to avoid doctors when you think you have a deadly dramatic disease such as TTD, as doctors tend to tell you things you don't want to hear, and they are soooooooooo hard to convince. They actually think they know more about medicine than their patients do, the fools. !

What you must do now is document your symptoms, and for this you need the necessary medical equipment. You did not mention a flashlight, only a magnifying glass. A flashlight is very helpful in discovering other inappropriate actions your tongue may be performing when it thinks no one can see it. You wouldn't believe the things that go on in your mouth when the lights are out!

Also you need a video recorder or at least a camera to record the twitching/atrophy/cramping. If it's possible to weigh your various limbs, that's good, too.

The most important thing, however, as I said before, is to avoid doctors at all costs, especially for the last 60 seconds of an exam! It's easier, simpler, more satisfying and much cheaper to just diagnose yourself, and that way, you don't have to "cough" ... unless you're really into that sort of thing.
 

joelc

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I understand what you wrote is fictional but does raise a point and many people are bothered and scared by twitches and cramps.

Just for the record - twitches and cramps don't mean a thing.

Yes, if you have ALS you will experience them, but having them does not mean you have ALS.

If that was true I would now have had ALS for 50 years!

I know a significant number of people who have them and don't have any neurological disease.
I am beginning to think the internet is something that should never have happened. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of good stuff on the internet but there is also a lot of dangerous content as well.

I am sure glad I am not a doctor and have to put up with all those self-diagnosed patients. That has to be extremely frustrating for them.
 

mare

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Beth & "Zaph"-
You two are a "hoot" !
 

Zaphoon

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Beth,

A camcorder! Of course! And thanks for the flashlight tip! I'm glad you are so understanding. Yeah, the "what goes on at night" thing really has me going now!

Joel,

You cannot convince someone such as myself that my twitches are nothing to worry about. For Pete's sake! I've already self-diagnosed myself and I do have principles, you know.

Mare,

I can't speak for Beth but I'm just hooting way!

Zaphoon
 

rose

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Dear Physical Zaph,

Have you invested yet in a sensor for your pillowcase to make sure you don't drool on it at night? I understand there is also a t-shirt version with the sensor located in the shoulder, to give to our significant others to wear at night. It is specially designed for those who might be at risk for shoulder drooling rather than pillow drool....

Sincerely,
Rose (who barely twitches, what's with that!)
 
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thelma313

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I'm not a medical expert but I do navigate very expertly on the internet so it is my belief that because you are keeping a careful log of your terminal twitch disorder and counted a staggering 21,986 twitches, this leads me to suspect that you suffer from OCD rather than TTD!
 
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brooksea

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Joel- once again we can thank Al Gore for helping diagnosed TTD! If it weren't for him no one with TTD would have the internet! LOL

Zaphoon- Make sure you are recording the weight you can no longer lift and the reps you can no longer do.
 

rose

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This thread has so many possibilities!

After reading the latest comments, I keep laughing, remembering someone who said they toe walked or heel walked ~ some kind of walk ~ this amazingly long distance, just to make sure they could still do it! Something else for you to make sure you document. 8)
 

joelc

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Joel- once again we can thank Al Gore for helping diagnosed TTD! If it weren't for him no one with TTD would have the internet! LOL

LOL I think I have mentioned this before but the internet was in existence long before Al Gore. The internet has been operational since 1957. It was developed by the US military for their use and gradually got turned over to the general public. Gore may have promoted it somehow but he sure was not responsible for developing it.
 

Zaphoon

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You all are so helpful!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for helping me cover those as of yet, uncovered bases!

Rose, the t-shirt and pillowcase thing to measure my night-time drool is a must have! And the toe walk! How could I have forgotten to add that into my daily exam. I must confess my inability to test myself for Babinski as I can no longer bend to reach my feet. I will be training my wife in the fine art of administering those neuro tests that require an extra set of eyes and arms.

CJ, what a marvelous idea! I will begin charting what I know will be a downward trend of my weight lifting capapbilities.

I love the support of this very fine forum!

Zaphoon
 
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GlenBrittle

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Oh OH Oh OH ... I have an idea ...

This is the stuff of soap operas ...

YES , we will all be famous stars.

We need a name for the series.

"As the drool continues, such are the ways of our PALS"
"Calling Dr EMG, Calling Dr EMG"

Starring Grampa AL as the administrator.
CJ as the Hot Nurse (every series has one)
Rose, Mare and Thelma as the nurses that do all the work
Zaphoon as the telepathic diagnostician
and Joel "Mr Twitch" as Security Dude

:twisted:
 

brooksea

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Can I wear a "real" nurses uniform? Hat and all? Minus the ugly white shoes of course!

Oh - Zaphoon, you need to also keep track of all the party drugs you've done! Tisk! Tisk!
 

rose

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I am sitting here howling! I notice that you don't have yourself in the cast yet, Glen... are you going to be one of the PALS having a follow up "Zaph" procedure with his physical? And then there is Beth. She can be the "Problem Patient", (as she usually is when she goes to the hospital anyway!)

CJ. We absolutely must get to wear hats, or we just don't do it! No white stockings though...
 

BethU

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OK, the only name possible for this weekly dramedy is TWITCHES !

Rose, you've obviously gotten access to my medical records. I am indeed qualified to star as Recurrent Problem Patient. I will make the supreme sacrifice of stopping my lability meds for a few days before my big scenes, where I get to throw bedpans at all the nurses.

Physical Zaph obviously will be the twitcher in crisis.

First episode: An ambulance screeches to a halt at the ER. PZ's twitches have shot up to 4,000 per hour! He's rocking and bucking like a 48 Chevy on a dirt road in Georgia! Dr. House is baffled. Who will save him ? (The twitcher, not Dr. House.) Who can stop the twitches before he twitches to death?

The nurses pile on him, trying to crush the twitches out of him. Then Problem Patient trots up with her walker and whacks him with an old-fashioned metal bedpan. The twitches subside. The nurses high five each other. Canned laughter.

Tune in for next week's crisis as the twitcher tries to twitter.

Please select your own roles, people. This will raise the bar for medical dramas.
 
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