my dad

Status
Not open for further replies.

nic01

Member
Joined
Sep 17, 2005
Messages
16
My father and I are the primary caregivers to my mother. Right now she has lost the use of her legs and her hands are going next. My problem is my father just can't take all this. He makes lots of phone regarding her disease but anything else he can't handle. And he's the type that keeps everything in, he won't talk about it. I've tried to lighten his load, I do their laundry, pay their bill, get mom dressed and ready for the day, I don't know what else to do to help him. i"m so afraid he'll have a heartattack from all the strain. Hae anyone else gone throuth this? What else can i do? I'd appreciate any suggestions.
Thank you all for your support
Jennifer
 

ShellyRenee

Active member
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
30
Jennifers dad

Jennifer:

I know what you are going through. My mom (stepmom) was diagnosed May of 05. Dad just sits back and lets me do everything. I am not angry with him but with others in the family who sit back and do NOTHING. I am the only daughter so I guess this is MY JOB ! My dad made a comment the other day to me that really touched my heart. My little 4 yr. old was being lets just say a 4 yr. old and I said "dad what am I going to do with her?" His reply to me was " I use to think the same thing but now I think what would I do without you?" Dad does not talk about his feelings and when I see a tear slip out it breaks my heart. Never do I hear him tell my mom that he loves her but oh I know he does. Must be the generation. Being there for them I guess is all we can do. I can say to you be/stay strong if only I can follow my own advice because there are days.

Hurting Daughter, :( :(
Shelly
 

Marcia Speakman

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2005
Messages
7
I really feel for you gals. I am my mom's caregiver. I love her so much and hate seeing her go through this. Dad isn't living. It must be so hard having both parents dealing with ALS. You not only have the concern with your mother like I do but have to worry about how your fathers are doing too. I'll say a prayer for all of you--try to stay strong and take care of yourselves too. I don't want to tick off any of the males who read this and I know many of them are wonderful care givers, BUT, since mom lives with me and I had a chance to retire early it seems I have sole responsibility even though I have 3 brothers. They say call if I can do something, and they come to sit with her, but I am the one who sets with her at night when she can't sleep, who bathes and dresses her, who does all her feedings and meds, who takes her to the bathroom and helps her, who changes her bed, washes her cloths, does her shopping. I just don't think they have a clue. At first they all came on Sundays unannounced. I finally said you are welcome to come whenever you want--Mom needs the company, but I need scheduled time that I can count on someone being here. That has helped a lot. At least I can get away for a few hours while they are here, do shopping or go rest.
We need to stay strong. Nice to vent too.
 

TBear

Distinguished member
Joined
Nov 4, 2003
Messages
430
Country
CA
State
ON
City
Uxpatch
Hi Girls:
There are so many individual issues that we, as caregivers have to deal with, I understand your frustrations in the task that you've been given. I had the same thing happen to me as my wife was stricken with ALS in her 46th year. In my case, I could rely on my children to help with some of the tasks, but not all of them... as teenagers, there were some things that they just couldn't handle. Feedings, movement, even some of the medical stuff was okay, but showering, bathroom stuff was a bit of a stretch... but they did get in the game where they could. I was given the unenviable taks of doing the showering and bathroom stuff... for awhile I was also praying for menopause to hit! My point is that I did this for my wife and partner,but probably would have been a bit less indulgent if it was my mom or sister... By the same token, I received no help from my sisters in law on these things either, and while they were very close when she was healthy, they weren't able to handle the down side. We're all different, and I believe that being a caregiver is an emotional investment that we make in our loved one and in ourselves... whether we're male or female.

Cheers

T.
 

Marcia Speakman

New member
Joined
Oct 26, 2005
Messages
7
Coping with ALS and teen-agers. I don't know if love makes the tasks at hand any easier but it does give us the desire to want to do it. I can see my brothers stepping up to the plate for their wives and even now I think they would be willing to do anything I asked. If I think about it --it is just as much mom as them, she always wants me, but I guess if I had a son I wouldn't want him helping me in the bathroom or bathing me. I don't want thank you or applause, what I do is because I love my mom and want to do it for her, At the same time it angers me a little that they are not here and do not realize just how much time and effort and work goes into caring for mom. Like right now I am so tried because she didn't sleep again last night. She has a head ache for the 2nd day in a row. She seems to feel bad everyday and I don't know what is caused by the ALS, what is caused by the meds, or depression or whatever. I have to scold myself so that I don't get angry with her for feeling so bad. That sounds so terrible. She has had a head ache for 2 days now non stop== and she just rang for me gotten go.
 

aucoinstacey

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2005
Messages
3
I know how everyone feels. My father has been diagnosed with ALS about 5 years ago. Me and my mother are the primary caregivers. Its really hard to get up everyday, knowing that our daily task is to care for dad, dressing him, helping him in and out of his wheelchair, making sure he's OK, helping him with just aboiut everything he tries to do. Just trying to understand what he is saying is a hard task. As hard as it may seem, we have to keep thinking positively.

Stacey
Cape Breton, Nova Scotia
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top