my dad is near death - advice needed, please.

[SMillheiser]

Emily, maybe we can help

Emily,

Maybe we can help. Go to our website, ALSGuardianAngels.com. Click on "What We Offer". You'll see a grant under home healthcare. We have contracted with Mary Beth Geiss who is nurse with 22 years experience in caring for ALS patients. She is now one of the foremost experts in this area and recognized as an authority. I'm sure she can find ways to ease your father's pain. We have a link to her website. Check it out.

If you'd like to consider taking advantage of the many services she offers, let me know by return email: [email protected]

Stu 949-488-9894

 

[Emily79]

update - sad news, my father has died

Just wanted to let everyone know the sad news. My father passed away this morning at 5:30 AM. We were able to keep him comfortable with the pain meds (thank God) and he was peaceful during his last days... For what it's worth, hospice apologized for their lack of action over the weekend. Apparently, they didn't understand that his death was so close (although my mom did communicate this to them...) I guess the nurse who was out here last Wednesday had it in her mind that he would still be living for several more weeks... so she did not alert other members of the hospice team, and generally did not take our pleas seriously. She felt horrible when she learned that he died (as well she should)

A (different) nurse from hospice did come out here this morning and prepped dad's body and sat with us until the funeral home came. The social worker came as well. Both women were very caring and did a great job. It was SO hard when they took his body away... I miss my dad so much already, I can hardly stand it. I keep passing his empty wheelchair and for a second I think he's still in there. I feel lost because we were so consumed with taking care of him... and now he's gone.

We are struggling the most with how to explain death to my 3 year old son (Travis). Travis and I have lived with my parents since he was a tiny infant. He looked at my dad like a father. We explained to him that grandpa died; that his muscles and his body finally stopped working. And that his heart and his voice and his spirit and love for people went up to heaven. Well obviously that is a hard concept to understand... He keeps asking questions like: why can't his grandpa can't come back? Where did his body go? Where is heaven? What is he doing in heaven? Can we go to heaven? Why can't we go to heaven? and so on and so on... I feel like I am going crazy having to answer these questions over and over again. *sigh*

Thanks everyone for listening.

 

[hopingforthebest]

praying for your Dad you and your Mom and family

Dearest Emily

Getting off the forum now and on my knees for your sweet Dad and you all!

Patty

 

[Al]

Emily, I am so sorry for your dad's passing. My condolences to you and your family.
AL.

 

[brooksea]

I'm very sorry Emiliy!

Believe me, your child will not be able to grasp this. It's OK. Just tell him your Dad has angel wings. Don't try to get to complicated.

It's worse on you than your son. Children can't understand life like we do. Their brains are not developed enough to comprehend.

Please don't stress yourself out about your son. He will go on to find a new focus. Kids are so wonderful! He will start a new obsession tomorrow unless you keep reminding him.

My son's "Memaw' died when he was 3. We explained to him that she was in heaven, she was now an angel. He wanted to know if we would see her again. His (paraphrased) response was that that was great because Brooksea (our deceased collie) and other dogs that had gone to heaven would be there with her!

As for you, please take care and love your family as much as you can.

You've done all you can and you are a great daughter. Your Father knows that.

 

[msde302]

I wish you peace Emily. I would not dare to assume to know what exactly you're going through. But my mom died last month at 59, after having stopped eating and drinking. On her final night she was unable to take her pain meds. We too had issues with hospice who didn't even come the morning my mom died.

It's been just over one month for me and it seems still like I'm in a bit of a fog. But being with your dad during this time was such a blessing for both of you. Both of you. How blessed and lucky you both were to know one another so intimately. It's unfair and sad, that's for sure. But the heartache has to, I believe, be overcome by our memories of love and laughter with our parents.

I've found myself laying in her hospital bed, crying as I talk to her about what I wish I could have done, and mistakes I've made. But I've also been able to dream bigger than I thought I had a right to knowing that she's with me still, kicking me in the pants and telling me to get on with being the young woman she worked so hard to raise.

 

[Jeannie]

Dear Emily,
Words can not express how sad my heart is for you and your family. Keep it simple with your son. They don't understand, just make it as simple for him as possible and not scary His heart with heal and he will help you heal. Know that your father lives on in your son.
God bless you and your family,
In friendship
Jeannie

 

[kelly]

Emily,
May you find comfort with friends and family in days to come. I am so sorry for your loss. Fondly, KR

 

[Icanmanz]

Emily, dear friend, my heart goes out to you! Let's just make like I have my arms around you for quite a while. I wish I could just hold you, and share my still existing pain with you. I read your post very, very carefully, and my heart ached for you, my tears are flowing. Sweetheart, don't be sad, He took him home. He told your dear dad enough is enough. When my son was expiring I felt my heart breaking, it actually felt like I had the worst case of infection in my heart. It was painful, I could not stand it. You actually feel your heart shrinking in pain, the worst ever!

Your sweet dad is with our Father, his Father. He is in a peaceful place free of pain. Praise be to God! The emptiness that we feel after they are gone is unbearable. My son passed at home too, and to this day I am sleeping in the same room where he passed. I feel his presence as long as I am in that room, my favorite room now! Emily, our loved ones are watching over us now. They may be gone, but not forgotten. God bless you, and your family, and your dear Dad may he rest in peace. Bless you, friend! Hugs to you, and lots of prayers!

Irma

 

[brendapals]

Emily,
My sympathy to you and your family. May you find comfort with God's peace in the days, weeks, months to come.
In faith,
brenda

 

[leegardens]

Emily,
I am so sorry for your loss.
Lee

 

[gimpydad'slady]

Emily, my heart goes out to you. May God be with you and your family during this time of need. God Bless.

 

[califsand]

Oh Emily, I'm very sorry

I'm happy that your father is not in pain or suffering anymore, I know that this was a hard week for him and for all of you seeing him go through it. May his spirit find peace and freedom from all bad things. May you and your family find comfort in knowing you were there with him until the end, loving him and caring for him with all of your hearts. It isn't easy what you've been through and all of the feelings are overwhelming I know. Allow yourself the luxury to grieve while you think of the wonderful times with your father.

Regarding your son there are actually many online resources, books and also I Hospice counselors that specialize in helping children to understand when a loved one has departed. He is at a tough age where everything is "why, why why?" and if you feel a need to explain it to him and help him grasp things the best a 3 year old can, there are many resources to help you do that. Others have suggested that it may be best to keep it simple with him and that could be a good option too. I think it depends how much you can handle right now, I don't know if I would be able to handle trying to explain to someone that young myself... maybe making a picture book of grampa would help? Whatever you decide to do it will be the right thing, there are no "right" answers here, only different methods of coping.

My heart is with you tonight,

Sandy

 

[CindyM]

I am sorry for your loss, Emily. We will be here for you. Write anytime and tell us how you feel. Cindy

 

[Poco]

Please go over thier head but don't accept what hospice says as final. I had a horrible experience with them as my posts will say, but I would call your physician who approved hospice and tell him what is going on. When I told Dick's physician after he passed what happened he was horrified and was going to get to the bottom of it. Also the emergency physician was very upset and immediately made Dick comfortable and she said he will never suffer on her watch, and he didn't.I was too distraught to handle it at the time but thank God the neighbors were on it. You have options and you need to assert yourself because there is no changing anything after the fact and I don't want you to have any regrets to compound your pain that you wish you would have handled it differently. Please make those phone calls and be strong. I really share your pain
Phyl