Hi Heather, I also have recently lost a parent to ALS. It helped me to talk with other people who had suffered a loss. I think a support group can be a good idea if you can find one that you can get to. I know several people in my community who have lost a family member, and they were able to offer support and understanding from their own experience. At first, all of us felt a sense of unreality and numbness. I think this is your mind's way of protecting you from such intense pain that you can't feel it all at once. I still can't quite believe I won't see my dad again each time I go to my mom's house. She has left all his things just as they were for the last 3 months. Sometimes I pick something up that reminds me of his life or look through photographs, and that helps me to connect with positive memories. At first, I kept going over and over his last struggle in my mind as though I could make it be different, which is very hard to let go of.
I hope that you are able to give yourself the nurturing and time that you need to feel the grief, and find support for when it overwhelms you so much that you begin to panic. It is o.k. to let it out in whatever way you need to. The emotions can be intense like a huge wave that seems like it will never end. And maybe it never will because we will always hold on to the memory of the one we love. In some ways I want to keep this raw grief right there in my heart because it is my connection to my dad right now.