My brother.....

[Al]

Nope. Don't think you're bad at all. A person can only take so much bad treatment and they are entitled to snap. Good for you for standing up to him. Maybe he'll realise how good he's got it. Sit down have a cold beer or a wine and relax for a while. You deserve it.
AL.

 

[Lorie]

AL, We must have been thinking the same!

I just went a bought Corona Light, Lemon and Lime!

Lorie:-D

 

[CindyM]

Hey girl. You go drink down those cool ones and keep your feet up for awhile. You deserve it and we are in your corner! Your friend, Cindy

 

[TipaCow]

Tim's behavior

Lorie,

Your brother's flare ups are inexcusable, especially when he disrespects his mother the way you described. Sure, ALS is a crappy deal in life, but it gives no one the right to disregard our loved one's (questionable) feelings.

You know, if Tim acts this way all the time it's time for a wake up call, meaning you need to have a serious discussion with him - preferably in front of his mother and brothers. You have to make it crystal clear that if he can't show you your due respect, and his mother hers, that it's time for him to find someone else to be his slave other than you. And I'd stick to it for as long as it takes for his whiny butt to give in and start being pleasant and respectful instead of a pain in the ass to everyone.

Like Dr. Phil McGraw says, "you teach people how to treat you." If you don't take a stand, it will continue and only worsen in time.

My 2 cents worth. Dale

 

[sherry0459]

Hey Lorie, My thoughts and prayers are with you. You know deep down how much Tim cares for you, but sometimes as the old saying goes we hurt the ones we love the most. YOU also have to remember that you must love you and take care of you too. Your Mom probably will not stand up to Tim, so you have to stop this now. I know how tender hearted you are but you and the rest of the family deserve the respect that you give him. Also, some persons when they are the situation of a horrible diagnosed will try to push people away by being rude and acting as if they do not care so that their loved ones will not be hurt when they are no longer with us. I am not saying that is right OR that this is what Tim is doing but I have seen it happen. Please take a deep breath and spend a few days away. Your family, husband and children would love to have you to themselves, I am sure. Call your Mom or brother to check on him, but step back. You can not help him and the rest of this forum family if your not taking care of Lorie. I'll email you tomorrow to check on you. Your friend, sherry

 

[sherry0459]

BY THE WAY HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY! GET THAT MAN TO TAKE YOU SOMEWHERE TO GET AWAY! CELEBRATE LIFE!sherry

 

[CindyM]

When my Doctor said to me "you are a very sick woman" and I came here to learn what he was talking about, I made up my mind right away that I would make amends for any past wrongs and hurts I have caused people, and treat everyone with as much love and respect as I could. If I'm really sick (knock wood I am not) then I want my family to remember me as being pleasant. I've said it before: I might be sick but that does not give me an excuse to be a jerk!

Lorie-Tim is scared and striking out at anyone within reach. Tell him to get some counseling so he can be a PAL in peace and acceptance with his condition. BTW, I hope you are still resting with your feet up!:-D Love, Cindy

 

[lindasue]

Lorie

I'm so sorry about your brother. Maybe he needs a new anti-depressant. I'm healthy, and I know that when I'm depressed its easy for me to be a major crab and scream at people. I take anti-depressants (5 years now, mothers death, menopause, married to a man 13yrs younger with 2 irresponsible kids, and now my brothers ALS) as do my 3 sisters. Anti-depressants have really made me better able to cope. I know that you said your brother is on anti-depressants, but maybe he's "built up a resistance" to the one he's on. I had to have my prozac increased a couple of times, and now I'm on another. Point being, I truly believe that you can need a change. I'm so sorry your brother treated you like that. When my youngest daughter was little, she would treat me badly sometimes and I would tell her I hadn't done anything to deserve it and she should go to her room and think about it and not come out until she could apologize. Maybe you should tell your brother that he owes both you and your mom an apology? He's not a little kid, you may never get it. You had every right to yell at him. I hope it sinks in. Good luck!

 

[lindasue]

My Brother

Jimmy heard from his employer that his insurance is going to cancel him. Jimmy had his ALS symptoms in February. He honestly did not know that his speech was slurred (no one told him, we all thought he'd been drinking) and he thought the twitches were a result of a really BAD bout of flu he had in February (benign fasciculation syndrome). So, he didn't go to the doctor (plus the fact that he's never been to a doctor more than once or twice in his adult life). Then, on June 1 when his family realized the shape that he was in and insisted that he go to the doctor, he said he would go the following week when his insurance was approved (insurance coverage by one of his employers). Jimmy hasn't been notified by the insurance yet, but we believe they are canceling him due to a pre-existing condition. What do we do now? Is anyone else in this situation, ALS with no health insurance? Once again, Jimmy seems to be taking it all in stride, saying "I'll just pay them a little bit at a time, thats all I can do".

Thanks,
Linda

 

[hboyajian]

Linda, I don't know a lot about insurance, but I don't think they can claim it is a pre-existing condition unless he was previously diagnosed by a doctor. Maybe they can, but it is worth checking into and not going down without a fight. Has your brother registered with the ALS Association and the MDA? These 2 organizations will help with medical bills that insurance will not cover. The ultimate costs may be huge, and you don't want him to be unable to get the equipment he needs to live with a reasonable quality of life. Those organizations will also lend equipment.

 

[CindyM]

Linda-are you in the States? In the US- ALS is an automatic qualification for Social Security disabiity , which then qualifies your brother for medicaide or medicare. This link may help: http://www.medicarerights.org

Sorry I'm kind of vague on my facts. I keep promising to learn this stuff but never get around to it...anyway try searching the threads above because this topic comes up a lot and your brother shouldn't pay out of pocket unless he decides to purchase eguipment, like a scooter, with the intent of keeping his benefits for a more expensive thing, like a power chair. good luck and let us know how things work out. Cindy

 

[brooksea]

The MDA will help, as stated above. I think that an employer's ins. may not cover pre-existing conditions under a specified waiting period , but all out cx of policy, I don't know. If he hasn't been diagnosed, then how can they decide?

As to SS and Medicare, if he has a diagnosed of ALS and you have the records from the doc, yes it is automatic approval, but your still have to wait 5/6 months to recieve benefits from the time SS determines you were no longer able to work, i.e. "disabled."

If anyone would like any info on the process for applying, etc for SS/Medicare/Supplemental Ins/Prescription drug coverage, please PM me. I'll be happy to tell you what I have gone thru for my husband.

It's bad enuf to have ALS and then have to deal w/mountains of paperwork to obtain help is really stressful.

Moderators, could we start a section entitled "How to obtain Benefits" or "The Benefit Maze" or "help with Benefits?" this would allow all who need help to right away know what to do and what to do right away to help them with their financial burden due to ALS. I'm sure many on the forum would contibute

 

[CindyM]

Good idea, CJ. I've emailed David about this but get ready! We will need to start collecting links to help direct folks, since it varies from country to country. The first thing I can think of that will get the ball rolling is a sort of glossary. You know, decoding all those acronyms and agencies. I cold even make it into a PDF document that will be easy to print out. So start your engines, folks. Let's collect the data we will want to add on the new "benefits" section! Cindy