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Rachel

Active member
Joined
Oct 14, 2007
Messages
32
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
UK
State
Essex
City
Colchester
My beautiful mum sadly passed away on Monday evening after suffering so much from bulbar onset MND.

She died very peacefully in her sleep about an hour and a half after we had left her from our visit to the North London Hospice. Despite knowing that she was nearing the end (she had been heavily sedated since the previous Wednesday) the phone call still came as a shock as when we had left her she had been breathing steadily and looked so peaceful.

My dad is finding it extremely difficult to cope after 47 years of marriage and admitted if I hadn't been with him when the phone call came he would have taken several paracetamol too many to dull the pain.

I know she wouldn't want me to be sad but the waves of grief are frequent and unexpected. I don't even have to be thinking of her when the darkness hits & the tears flow. :cry:

I'm not sure how we will all get through the funeral on Thursday. She bore this disease with immense courage and never complained. I can't begin to imagine what she went through in the past 11 months since she was diagnosed.

Sorry to be so down but I wanted to share my thoughts with you
 

CindyM

Moderator emeritus
Joined
Sep 17, 2006
Messages
3,543
Reason
Learn about ALS
Country
US
State
New England
City
Anytown
Hello Rachel. Sorry to hear about your Mom. You are entitled to be down during htis sad time! You and dad will find the strength to get through the next few days. You can always visit here for support, too. Try to take extra care of yourself ovefr the next few weeks. You will need it. Cordially, Cindy
 

anne

Distinguished member
Joined
Jun 22, 2006
Messages
157
Country
CA
State
ontario
City
unionville
Rachel....I am so sorry to hear about your mom....God will give you the strength to get through the next couple of days.

Eight weeks ago I too lost my dear mom from bulbar onset. She fought it very bravely also without complaining. The pain of not having my mom is more than I can handle.

Somehow God will give us the strength to carry on.

God Bless. Anne
 

Cornelia

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2007
Messages
31
Reason
Learn about ALS
Country
US
State
NC
City
Charlotte
Hi Rachel, sorry about your mom. That is such a hard loss. When I lost my mom
I felt as if I had been set adrift. Love never dies. My thoughts are with you Cornelia
 

Rachel

Active member
Joined
Oct 14, 2007
Messages
32
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
UK
State
Essex
City
Colchester
Thanks to my "friends across the water" for your kind replies.

The thought of not having my mum anymore is difficult to bear and with Christmas approaching I'm not sure how I will cope in the coming days and weeks. She was only 70 and survived rheumatic fever, polio, tb and 2 heart attacks through her life. This one she could not fight and being a retired nurse she knew what was coming but faced it with remarkable fortitude.

I asked her what she thought about her diagnosis in January this year and her reply was " well there's nothing I can do about it, is there" which was typical of her pragmatic approach.

I can only hope that the donations that we have asked friends and family to give to the MND Association with go towards finding a cure for this truly devastating disease.

Thanks again for your support.
 

hboyajian

Distinguished member
Joined
Oct 31, 2006
Messages
267
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
US
State
Washington
City
Vashon
Dear Rachel, I am sorry for your loss. This grief cannot help but be so immense that it will overwhelm you at times, maybe even almost all the time for a while. May there also be small moments of happiness for you when you see a child smile or the sun sparkling in a spider's web. I am glad your father has you to help him get through. My dad died a few days shy of my parent's 51st anniversary, so I know how that is. Mom was just lost for quite a while. I was thankfully able to stay with her for 2 weeks just after my dad passed, and then an old friend of hers came for an extended visit. This helped ease the transition. Holly
 

musicsmiles

Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2006
Messages
23
Country
US
State
New York
City
Holley
So, Sorry Rachel

So, Sorry Rachel for the loss of your mom. I lost my mom back in 2000. I know just how difficult it is... It helps me to think of her with GOD.

Musicsmiles
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
State
Texas
City
Tomball
Hi Rachel, sorry to hear about your mom. My condolences to you and your family, and may your sweet mother rest in peace. God bless.

Irma
 

Rachel

Active member
Joined
Oct 14, 2007
Messages
32
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
UK
State
Essex
City
Colchester
thanks

Thanks so much to you all for you responses. It's comforting to hear from so many who know exactly what I'm going through.

I spoke to my dad this morning & he's struggling bad with this. I had never seen him cry until he received the phone call from the hospice and I found that truly hard to bear. I caught him at a weepy moment & he's asking me why did she leave him? I don't know how to answer that one.....

Also my 11 year old son has decided he doesn't believe in God anymore because if he exists why would he have let granny suffer so much?

Everyone is so sympathetic at the moment & I'm finding it hard to hold a conversation about her without crying. My consolation is that I can talk to her and dream about her now, & in my dreams she can talk back. Finding it hard to remember her voice (I can only hear that blessed lightwriter which she used solely since June).

Thanks again for reading.
 

hboyajian

Distinguished member
Joined
Oct 31, 2006
Messages
267
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
US
State
Washington
City
Vashon
It sounds like your son is especially sensitive to the loss of his grandmother, and it comes at a time in his life that can be tough all on its own, just growing up and navigating the world. My son also had strong feelings when his grandfather died, some of which I did not quite understand at first. He initially kept his grief inside, but quit keeping up with responsibilities at school. When I found out he was failing 2 classes, he said, "What's the use mom, you just die anyway. Maybe I should end it right now." I took him to counseling, and then all his grief, loss and anger came pouring out. He also saw that I was struggling with a huge mix of emotions, so it was ok to have all these different feelings himself, not just sadness. Going to counseling for a few months was helpful for us. I recommend that or something similar, like talking to a pastor or some kind of support group for young people who have lost a family member or friend.
 

midwestgirl

Distinguished member
Joined
Feb 13, 2007
Messages
101
Reason
Loved one DX
Country
US
State
IN
City
Indianapolis
Rachel,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, my thoughts and prayers are with you. My mother passed Oct. 23, so I also have thought about how difficult the holidays will be. You have extra concerns with both your father, and your son, grieving. Please take care of yourself, also.
 

Steve100

Distinguished member
Joined
Oct 5, 2007
Messages
164
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
10/2007
Country
UK
State
Wales
City
Cardiff
So sorry to hear of your loss. Take care of yourself.

Steve
 

Rachel

Active member
Joined
Oct 14, 2007
Messages
32
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
UK
State
Essex
City
Colchester
Thanks everyone for your kind comments. We have the funeral on Thursday which I hope she will approve of.
 

anne

Distinguished member
Joined
Jun 22, 2006
Messages
157
Country
CA
State
ontario
City
unionville
Rachel....I wish you much strength to get through the day on Thursday. I am certain you will have carried out all of her wishes and she will be pleased. God Bless..Anne
 
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