Moving forward

[wishmobbing]

Sending you all a bunch of daffodils! Sunny weather today, my mood can use it, too.

Compared to many I only had a brief scrape with ALS and am so thankful my boyfriend was such an easy-going PALS and person. I'm mostly happy and chirpy but there are days when sleep is soooo essential. It feels like making up for sleep lost.
Don't we process a lot of what we experience while sleeping and dreaming? Maybe that's the most restful way of griefing and getting over PTSD, Bonnie?

Sue, I'm happy the audit went so smoothly! Looking forward to hearing more yarn on yarns.

 

[Narrowminded]

Thank you everyone.

Bonnie - I did have a couple of days of sleep, but that doesn’t seem like something I can accomplish. Anymore I have trouble going to bed, but then can’t sleep past my usual up time. I climb into bed at a good hour, but then do something electronic until my eyes refuse to stay open. Not sure why. Guess part of my own coping. I have to change that though.

Wish - thank you for the daffodils, they sound lovely right now.

The yarn show was fantastic. I could have spent so much time there. So many beautiful things, it’s hard to decide just what I wanted. Came home with 2 skeins and a couple of needles I needed. It was great being with my friend as well. She is a physician and also does a lot of traveling with work, so girl time is hard to come by.

The sun is shining this morning, but it’s still quite cold. Will be heading to church shortly.

Hugs all

 

[Narrowminded]

Lots on my plate today to get ready for vaca. Hopefully a better update tomorrow morning.

Hugs all

 

[Lkaibel]

Have a great vacation Sue

 

[pittsburghgal]

Sue, I hope you have an amazing vacation. Wish you could put me in your pocket and take me with you!

Sharon

 

[Narrowminded]

Hi All,

Made it here safely yesterday and had a very restful night. It’s great being with friends, we do or we don’t, no pressure for anything. Will be going to today and def Sat.

The sad part is seeing the devastation from Hurricane Michael that went through here.

Love and hugs to all

 

[Buckhorn]

Sue, hoping you have a great & yet restful time. You deserve it more than anyone I know. Enjoy!��

 

[Jlynn]

I hope you have a great time Sue!

 

[Nuts]

Sue, I'm so glad that you are traveling. I hope the vacation helps--I think that getting away from "the scene of the crime" sometimes helps my mind reset a bit.

I thought that staying away from things ALS would help me, but it hasn't, and Your thread really brings that home to me. The journey to recovery is as important as the path that brought us here.

I haven't read back very far, but your comments about PTSD struck a cord with me. It's not that I am reliving events, but that I am only now allowing myself to see the horror of them. In the midst of caring for our guys, we simply accepted what was and kept doing everything we could to maximize the life we had. Only now can I allow myself to dwell on what Matt suffered. I think perhaps I'm now that I'm back living and operating in the "normal" world, that I'm only now seeing what we experienced through other people's eyes--including some of the people who had to stay away. Damn---I don't like feeling this way either.

We will work through it. Enjoy your travels. The devastation you see is awful, but you've suffered your own tragedy and your scars are not visible to the world. I think we all have more empathy now, but please don't let that overshadow the pleasure that you are experiencing.

Becky

 

[Narrowminded]

Becky it’s so good to hear from you. The horror of what we faced was unimaginable. Maybe that is why I don’t want to stay in the room any longer than I need to at times. I’m not moving back in there with my bed. I am going to repaint and try to make it a craft room. Not sure that will work either. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking at a gas chamber from WWII.

Today was wonderful, we drove up to a small town now far away and went to the few places we like to visit there. Then took a nice walk. Beautiful day out.

Time of course, is passing much too quickly.

 

[Lkaibel]

I actually feel weirdly fortunate that Brian and I could not sleep in the same bed for the past 1.5 years because now the bedroom is mine.

I like the craft room idea Sue, sounds like a plan. I know for some selling the house becomes the plan. I’m sure you will figure out in time what works for you.

Not sure it would help, but I am looking st my house in a new way. My living room is not only the place where Brian lived in bed and ultimately died, it’s the place where we spent so much wonderful time together.

 

[Narrowminded]

Lenore I am so happy that you can look at your living room that way. I think if Brian had passed in mine I’d really be in big trouble. I guess the hardest part is we moved to this home when he was already a couple of years trached, he moved into that room and while he got out a bit, never really left it. At first I slept in there too in a different bed since he was in a hospital bed. Finally I had to move out of it. Maybe it was my mind trying to help me prepare, I don’t know.

While I can’t say all the times in that room were bad, there are no before memories there. Those are at the home we left, the one with fantastic neighbors and friends.

I am still considering the possibility of moving. A fresh start and somewhere a bit smaller. This place is really way more than I need for basically just me. My kids are on board if I decide to do that. I look, but nothing I’ve seen on-line has said, “this is it”. However, there is work that needs done before I could put this place on the market. Like the room getting painted and skim coated in places. Trim needs touched up, those kinds of things. Plus I’d need to really downside the amount of things I own and don’t need. Those are on the top of the list with paint. They were on my list before Brian went due to moving my folks.

However, most days it’s easier to get my work done and grab my knitting or get lost in YouTube or with my friends here. I know that will slowly change.

2 days of my vaca left and my mind is swirling with the have to get dones when I get back. Appt to attend etc.

Have an awesome day all.

 

[affected]

I hope that totally transforming that room will allow you to enjoy using it Sue.

Enjoy this vaca, I'm sure it is going by fast, but it's so good you are doing it!

 

[Narrowminded]

It’s my last evening here. I leave at 8 tomorrow for the airport. It’s been awesome to be here, but it is time to get back to life. Things piling up do not give rest to my soul.

Hugs

 

[Narrowminded]

Oh my I swear I posted here since getting back. Guess not. Hmmm

Anyway, I’m back and the time was awesome! I already miss being there and it feels like it was ages ago.

I’ve done a lot of catch up since getting back with work and paperwork and things around the house. Was over to visit Mom and she’s doing well.

Yesterday was a banquet for the place I volunteer. Very nice time. And my SIL invited me to go along to the beach with her sister, both fams’ and my Mother-in-law. They want to take her while she is still in really good shape. That will be the first full week of July. I spoke to DD and asked what she thought, she said “go for it”. I know as the time approaches, she will be jealous she can’t go. She will still be doing her clinical, so she will watch the dog. Boy my summer is getting busy.

Not sure how the trip will go. This is something we did with Brian’s family every other year. This will be the first trip since losing both Brian and his Dad. It may be a rough trip for me, I will have to see how it goes. I will probably drive myself, that way if it gets overwhelming I can pack up and head back home.

Well need to get ready for church.

Hugs