Move in with Mom?

[bemindful]

I posted under a different thread, but I have another concern.
Mom went to a nursing home last week. It is a nightmare as they cannot seem to give her the help she needs and are just not very competent. She wants to go home to the retirement community where she lived. They said she can return, but she doesn't have enough care there. She only gets 5.5 hours of in-home care with her aides (which are wonderful) and we don't have the $ to pay out of pocket. I am unemployed with no car and cannot seem to have any time as it is to find a job. I'm broke.
The retirement center told me I could stay with her. Hospice will not take her on without 24 hour care, as it is unsafe. For sure it is.
I get overwhelmed as it is, even when I can return to my brother's home (where I live) after all day. Exhausted. I take care of everything for her outside of palliative care, except for when I would spend the night with her in the retirement center.
I feel guilty thinking that I don't know if I can care for her everyday by myself outside of the 5.5 hours that the aides are there. I am basically alone in the caretaking outside of their help and already I am a mess.
Does anyone else deal with this guilt? Am I going to regret not moving in with her? Do I move her to another nursing home and hope that Hospice will help give her more quality of life? I know I cannot help her if I cannot help myself, but am I being selfish for thinking I cannot do it 19/7?

 

[Barbie]

You are not being selfish, you are being human. but remember, her illness and her need will not be forever. she has a very limited time left, and that is the truth. believe me, everyone thinks "I can't do this" but we do, because of love and you can too. you do not want to leave her in that home --what if something happens there? she deserves more.

I posted on your other thread before I read this one. I am not judging you because I know how hard it is to care for some one and I have no idea how old you are, what your relationship is with your mom or your own background. But if I was you, I would move in with her and keep the aides, and bring in hospice as well. get on a wait list for the hospice house if they do not have an opening. you can not leave her at that nursing home! what about your brother--any other siblings or relatives? Perhaps they could take an evening each week so you can have some personal time away.

It will not be easy--but you will be doing the right thing in my opinion and you will never regret being there for her.

 

[Katie C]

We had 24/7 hospice care for my mom at her assisted living apartment and it worked out great. Realizing Mom's time was so limited (she had emphysema and lung cancer) the people who worked at the apartment complex gave her some extra time and attention, and we rotated shifts so that one of us (sibling, grandchild, etc) was there all the time. Yes it was work, but she only lived another month and we were all very comfortable with the care she got.