Moral dilemma - sexual relations

[Pearl]

I really don't think that anyone here was trying to "judge" - I think most speak from their own experience and put themselves in the place of the situation before they respond. As I stated in my first post of this thread, it really depends a lot on the type of marriage you had to start with - people marry for many different reasons and what is "ok" for some , is not for others.

We all have "thoughts". Those cannot be helped. And, I think, most of us absolutely do the very best we can.

Catarina, it sounds like you really could use a break from time to time. Do you have anyone to turn to to handle the care while you get away with friends for awhile? My heart goes out to you. Hang in there.

 

[MtPockets]

Hey catarina, AMEN!

You go girl. Amen to what you said.

I had a dad that sounds a lot like your other half. My dad drove me nuts before he died with all his hatred and mean ways. He died after a long time of Alzheimer's. Toward the end he became more and more abusive. But he was no saint all his life. He was abusive to many people for 86 years.

I feel some of your pain in your message. I hope somehow you can get some relief or find a home care facility to take care of him. You do have a life of your own and I know it will be hard to pick it up when he is gone because of all the memories. I hope somehow you find peace in the midst of this storm.
God Bless
Big AL

 

[Al]

Hi Catarina. I don't think anyone was here to judge. We each have our own feelings and ways of dealing with things. Big Al could probably help me with this one but somewhere in the bible it says Let he who hath not sinned cast the first stone. Nobody here is throwing stones. A lady asked for an opinion and she got it. Things sound different for you than for her. The advice for her may not apply in every situation. I hope you will be able to get some encouragement and some good advice here. AL.

 

[caregiver0204]

Thank you for standing up for those of us that have our trials. If we acted on our thoughts in our most troubled times things could and would turn out very badly. But our thoughts are there and try as we may some times they are not all full of love and roses this in no way means we do not care or love deeply.

 

[paula B]

i meant no harm,,only meant,,its clear how ya felt or the words evil would not have come out your mouth. I only repeated what was said.

 

[sufernan]

Sex and ALS

I am also young - just 37 years old and have a small child. The only thing that will help a caregiver through this difficult road is love, sex is only one way of expressing that love. There are other ways that love can be expressed which will make you feel as conected, speak with your partner and find out what works for you.
I like the way Pearl has responded to this topic. Thank you Pearl!
Katarina:
It is difficult to hear that your husband is reacting this way - taking care of a person that treats you like this is horrible. What are you going to do? My heart goes out to you and your children. I hope you feel supported by family and friends, and I hope you know that nobody (even if they are suffering with ALS) can treat you without respect.
Thank you for sharing with us!

 

[patricia1]

I don't know how to say this, but does anyone ever think about extramarital relations? I know it is terrible, but sometimes I get so frustrated and I have these thoughts and then I feel so guilty just for having them. Am I the only one - I feel like I am evil or something, but I was wondering if anyone else had issues with husband and wife relations. I love my spouse so much, but sometimes I feel like I am missing out. Is it selfish on my part to even have such thoughts?

you dont say if your husband is sick or you are, but if your thinking of cheating on him you are selfish your married, take care of yourself dont you have enough problems without adding.:evil:

 

[janf]

I have just been part. diag. als going for another diag. 2weeks emory als doc.. I am a happy married 53 year old. If I thought my husband would consider extramarital affair I would want to die right now. Try asking God to help you.:-D Its hard on us too. its hard once being somewhat sexy beautiful & desirable and now I struggle to walk. Im sorry this is just my opinion. I love my husband so much., that would break my heart....... may God Bless you and show you the way. janf

 

[jhviv]

catarina,

you tell my story and we share the same opinion.

francois, never feel guilty. everyone on this board has had those "selfish" thoughts whether they admit it or not. and the choice whether to admit it or not is how to deal with it.

me, I'm a 31 year old gay guy (today's my birthday) taking care of my partner of 6 years. I have all kinds of thoughts that I don't act on. The worst thing I can do is beat myself up about them (like catarina, i've got a PALS to do that for me).

find a therapist if your insurance covers it. I started seeing one shortly after the diagnosis (even though my crazyass husband refuses to do so), and its made a world of difference for me.

also, a very active fantasy life is nothing to feel guilty about.

 

[jhviv]

also,

as this awful disease progresses, if you're the primary caregive, you want have time for an affair.

moral dilemma averted. :twisted:

 

[emjoi]

So this thread has nothing to do with the "Blowing The Nose" thread?
("Blowing the Nose" is an euphemism, yes?)

 

[Pearl]

quote: "So this thread has nothing to do with the "Blowing The Nose" thread?
("Blowing the Nose" is an euphemism, yes?)"


No, but I find that freaking hysterical that you would think that it is a euphemism.:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[liz]

Pearl -

Maybe it is a euphemism in Australia?

Liz

 

[Al]

No I think that a euphemism is that duck billed funny looking Aussie animal isn't it? LOL.

 

[liz]

I stand corrected. Have a nice day.

Liz