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redneck charger

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Joined
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Loved one DX
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Country
CA
State
Ont
City
Carleton Place
Mom's time is coming to a end very soon.. she has been telling me this for the last few days.. And I am having a hard time accepting it.. But I am having a harder time with my brother's reponse... I wrote all the family members individually yesterday morning.. and I will share the emails to my brother and his response.. I am just having such a hard time with it on top of loosing Mom very shortly.. Have done something I haven't ever done I don't think so... And that is stay up all night and drink a few beers.. and smoked a pack of smokes..

Hi Greg..
Long time no chat.. Sure you know what is going on in my life.. Was in to see Mom after our union meeting on Sunday, Lorie, Kevy and I went in. Mom was in good spirits, but her feet are very swollen, and discoloured, and I find Mom is turning grey. She is having a hard time to breathe. I just want you to know that the end is closer then we know. And just want you to be prepared for it. I was really hoping you would have gotten here to see her. If you need to get in touch with me you can call me at ***-***-****​
Mike

His Response:

Hi Mike;
I first found out, about what's going on in your life, fisrt from dad,
then Mom, then Victoria. It would of been nice to hear about it from you first.
I get a different version, of Mom's condition from Dad, Maureen, you, Victoria
and Mom. It is very confusing for me.
As for comming out to visit more often, well that is a very sore
spot with me. No one seems to think of the cost of me doing that. With missing
work, dog care, travel costs it adds up. No work , no pay. Victoria has the
largest cost of living in North America. Besides, since I have been out here,
no one has bothered to make the effort to come out to Victoria just to visit
me. It has been 23 years, since I have first come out here! Yes, Mom, Dad and
Victoria have visited me here, but it was only as an after thought. They were
in Vancover on buisness and decided to come over to Victoria for a few days.
You have not even bothered to make even that attempt.
Mom has told me that she dose not me to come out to Ottawa right
now, And I canot afford, both job wise and finacially to keep running there
every month. SO STOP WITH TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY!​

Greg.

My Response:

Hello Greg..
First of all.. You are right.. I have never ever made a attempt to come and visit you.. You are right.. Why would I.. We've been so very close through our lives.. I only write to you to tell you about Mom.. Because she chose us..and took care of us.. and raise us.. Is the rumour true that I heard months ago.. Hmmm did you find your real parents..and visited them? Hmmmm Is it true.. That would have killed Mom earlier then now if she had ever found that out... Yes I know your money is tough..as the rest of us.. But ya know.. If I were you..and my Mom was dying.. I would HAVE found away to GET here to see her..and look in her eyes and tell her I LOVE her..and thanked her, and thanked her for picking me.. In my eyes it would be much more important to see Mom alive then be at her funeral.. I am not trying to give you guilt.. Maybe YOU already are feeling guilt and trying to say it's me giving you that guilt.

Face it little Brother we have NEVER been close since we both hit the age's of 10.. I wrote to YOU everytime long before Mom got sick..and NEVER ever got a reply.. You only started to reply when Mom got sick..and when you did it was 2 lines long.. This is the first letter I have received from you that was more then 2 lines.. I only wrote to you today as I wrote the rest of the family and told them what was going on with Mom..​

So as far as GUILT... Not me giving it to you.. It's you giving it to yourself...
Love
Mike

His Respose:

so be it!

How can he treat this like this.. we are about to loose our Mother.. It's just eating me up!
I'm sorry but I needed to vent...
Please excuse me..
Mike:oops:

 

Thumbs Up

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I do sympathize with you. I found that you only have to deal with yourself. You can't force people to care. When I was losing my sister, my youngest sister pulled away. They were both very close however, when Roberta was getting close to the end, Linda would not even go see her. Roberta asked me why Linda was doing this when she needed her the most. Linda could not deal also with my mother's death 3 years prior to that. My mom and sister both died of Als. Some cannot deal with death. You have done everything that you can and my heart goes out to you. At least you are there for your mom. God bless you.
Norma
 

mammaberger

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sask
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saskatoon
That is really tough, you can tell your brother has some deeper issues, you didn't say anything wrong and this really set him off, his is obviouly having a tough time. I see you are just trying to keep your family updated. People can act out in very odd ways when they are hurting. When my mom was ill with cancer some family members acted very bizarre. When people are going to lose someone it brings up all the unresolved issues people have and people act out in anger, hurt etc. I feel bad for your brother. I know when my mom passed I had the peace of knowing I was there when she needed me the most. I had no feelings of guilt, no I should haves, I wish I would haves. You will have the peace of knowing you were there. Your brother is going to have the beast of burden and guilt on his shoulders long after your mother has passed. I pray for your family.
 
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Icanmanz

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Tomball
Hi Mike! Read your post. Thanks for sharing it with us. All I can tell you is forget Gregg. I am telling you this with every fiber, forget him. Another thing, don't tell your mom about how he is feeling, or what he feels. She does not need to hear all this ugliness. Keep it from her. If she asks about him, try to think of something else to say. Anything! Your sweet mom does not need this additional pain from an idiot! You just go ahead and spend quality time with your dear mom, and forget the loser. I know the feeling. When my son was diagnosed'ed terminal, I called my in laws out of state, and gave them the bad news. Did they give a s-it? Hell no! In the 15 months that my son had this illness, they didn't call, not once, and they knew, because I was crying my heart out when I broke the news to them. I have been in this family for 40 years! Yes 40 years, and for this treatment. My son passed in June of '07. They were not eve told when my son passed. It was MY decision not to call them. I felt that they disrespected my son. I warned my husband, and my only surviving son, please, no phone calls. Guess what? Five months after my son passed, they decided to call. By then it was too late. I answered the phone when they called, I asked to be excused, and handed the phone to my husband. I said to mu husband, "Here, it's your brother. I have nothing to say to them." My husband got on the phone, and the rest is history. I have no family from my husband's side. Do I care? NO! My son deserved a little respect. We used to spend 2 weeks with the every year, going out of the way to visit, for this? Uh uh! Not me baby! He deserved better. I am sorry if I am sounding like a *****, but they brought this on themselves.

Thank you Mike for sharing, that is why we are here, to vent. Gotta go to town, and pay bills! Ha! Don't worry about Gregg. I cannot believe that he is more worried about money! God bless you, and keep us posted!

Irma
 

Al

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Mike. There is always at least one A-hole in every family. Greg is yours. Do your best to ignore him. If he's been in Victoria 23 years that could explain things. I've been there a couple of times to visit a sister who's been there 37 years. It's different than here.
AL.
 

CindyM

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Hi Mike- terminal illness brings out the best in some but others don't cope so well. Their anger spills over onto everybody and it makes things much more difficult.

When we were trying to deal with my Mom's illness one of my sisters clogged my email with terrible and hurtful emails. I was distressed as we'd always been close. But the best advice I got was to not make the situation all about her. The issue was, and remains, my Mom and her sickness. It really is all about her right now, not my cranky sister.
 

redneck charger

Active member
Joined
Nov 29, 2007
Messages
99
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
05/2005
Country
CA
State
Ont
City
Carleton Place
Thank you Everyone.. Little better this evening.. Should be able to sleep.. Thank you again..:?
 

redneck charger

Active member
Joined
Nov 29, 2007
Messages
99
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
05/2005
Country
CA
State
Ont
City
Carleton Place
Hi everyone.. wanted to vent again.. cried all lastnight in bed.. and then have to put the tough face back on when I wake up.. So hard to watch Mom.. But go in the nursing home everyday acting I am happy..

Was in yesterday.. Mom was suffering from dizzyness.. Doctor tells me Mom's lungs are starting to fill more and more with Carbon Monoxide and that her kidneys are failing.. I pray each and every second for her and my family.. and friends.. I understand why she is dying.. But why does she have to suffer to die.. I just wish I could do more..

I was in church the other day.. when they were having the praying time.. I was talking to God.. when all of a sudden.. my Aunt Ruth was standing in front of me (Aunt Ruth died almost 15 years ago) Aunt Ruth was a Nun over in England in a convent.. It was like she was standing right in front of me.. and told me that Mom's time was coming to join them in heaven.. And that it was time for me to let go.. I don't want to let go.. I want Mom to always be here..
 

CindyM

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We want her to be with you always, too. And so she will, just not always here on this earth. Hugs, Cindy
 
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