jessielf
Active member
- Joined
- Dec 26, 2011
- Messages
- 66
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 08/2011
- Country
- US
- State
- WI
- City
- wis rapids
Hi I am new here. My mom got diagnosed w/ ALS at the end of July of this year. Her symptoms started off at the beginning of this year. She is only 53. We have recently lost 3 family members w/in the past 4 years, 2 being my dads parents and my the other my mom's dad. Now we are losing her,:sad: I have 4 children and one on the way due in May. I am really close w/ my parents and I do have God in my life, but having a hard time excepting that my mom will not be w/ us for long since its been progressing. I am very grateful to still her. I however find it very difficult to have to hear about it all the time. Especially if something like it took her 25 mins to get off the toilet. I know she has every right to feel the way she does and I'm trying not to let it get to me. But every time I'm w her something is always brought up. At times I am good but it when I'm around her and my grandma the mood just changes and I know one of my daughters is picking up on it. My mom always asks me whats wrong w/ her, she is 6. I find myself making up excuses. My mom and grandma don't look at positively at things. It seems every time I see her something about her gets worse and I see my mom at least twice every other week if not sooner or talk to her about once a week. I used to talk to her longer, but I just can't stand hearing how she feels. My mom has been a drama queen before she even got this disease so it makes it that much harder to deal w/. I tried to tell her I DON"T want to know that she is getting worse and that I just want to accept her just as the way she is. I know what whats coming and being around her makes it worse. I constantly cry. I don't want to have people to feel sorry for me. I just want my whole family to accept this and I know its hard. But I want to try to keep thinking positively to get through this not only for myself but for my own family and unborn son. I try to be thankful for what I have now. My mom says that she is trying to stay positive but she's not. I dread a person to "ask" how she is feeling and she starts by saying "we don't tell people what I have only IF they ask" Then ofcourse she says not good, I can hardly walk and I can barely swallow. Its really hard to hear it over, and over and over again. I sometimes don't even want to talk to her or be with her cause she just go w/out bringing some thing up about herself or dying. But yet she wants me to call more and visit more often. My mom's bday is Christmas Day and yesterday my dad told me that he wants to talk w/ my sister and me later. Even before my mom got diagnosed she gave me a paper about her last wishes. I know God has a plan for everyone. I wish she had more will power but I can't change her attitude about what she is going through, only mine...I know she has ALS, BUT we are all going through this w/ her and she is the one who is going to die and if she excepts Jesus she will go to heaven while we are going to be still alive trying to pick up the pieces and figure out how to go on w/out her:-(