Memories Still

Not open for further replies.


Very helpful member
Forum Supporter
May 9, 2016
Lost a loved one
I’ve sold my house. I close on 6/1. I am going to rent an apartment for a year or two and then just see if I even care to dive back into owning.

D. is doing reasonably well. No substantial progression this past year though his speech is somewhat worse, he has actually gained almost 10 pounds via protein shakes, his foot sores are improving. We are working to get him transferred to a SNF in Minnesota near me and nearer his friends here in his original home city. I go to Seattle every three - four weeks for now. I stay most of the time right with him, at his his facility - its good that we can do that.

As to this house where Brian and I shared everything, and where I experienced some of the very best and very worst moments of my life, it‘s time. One day I was talking to a friend and said that I’d spent three years waking up to have coffee in the living room Brian died in and I am just needed to be done. I look around this house and see the place where I first realized he had drop foot, and where he showed me the hand issue that said beyond a doubt to me that combined with his other issues, a second opinion would only say ALS. I see where he first fell, I see where he was when we realized steps were no longer a possible thing.

Forgive me for mentioning religion, but I am now a non believer, yet just thinking of all Brian went through in this house brings back the religious aspects of my upbringing, stations of the cross…Why a wonderful man suffered so much will always be beyond me, but that is of course the question of life itself, everyone’s.

I had a friend recently go into a confrontational mode with me, saying that my whole “thing” with D, she thought was truly about Brian, and that it was just clutching back at him, trying to “save” him in effigy. I said first off, I felt that was absolutely not so for a number of reasons, and my love for D is very genuine and very much about HIM, not Brian, but here’s the other thing: worst case, she was right and the outcome is that a man dealing with ALS has love and care and healthcare advocacy in his life that was lacking before! No response but “well, I suppose”. I realize that such talk is well intended, and that my story is highly unusual, but there you have it.

Packing and more packing this next nine days, and working a full week too. Busy is good.

Enjoy the summer everyone.
How good to read what's going on! Very good response to your friend, you are so right. When nobody gets lied to or hurt, the reasons for two people being good for each other don't matter and would be none of her business. It's great you and him found love and he's moving closer to you and his friends. Also good his progression is so slow.

But first, lots of energy for packing boxes and moving house! You really sound like the time is right to make this switch.

I'm probably a even firmer non-beliefer than you. That helped me dodge the big question of why. Our men shouldn't have suffered, there was no sense in or point to it. But they didn't suffer by design. No person or entity aimed to hurt them. That I couldn't well live with.

Happy House warming in your new apartment!
Bravo, Lenore, for both you and D. Please drop in periodically if you wish. I and many others are always so happy to hear from you. Best, Kevin
Lenore - as you know I moved in Sept. It was the best thing I ever did. The memories just tug at you. It seems you cannot move around the house without it causing pain. I know that way too well.

I hope soon that I can retire from out business, as it was Brian's baby and I have to see him there as well. It's different memories there for the most part. He was there in the wheel chair and I did have to help him from chair to commode and back again. Most of the memories there though as vibrancy, doing what he loved. That too is hard.

It will be nice that D will be closer to you. You are fortunate to find love again and he is quite fortunate to have you. As to your 'friend', as Wish said, it's none of her business. No one, other than those here, have a clue about what you faced and what it does to you inside and out.

Today I saw that a house not too far from me, has a wheelchair van. I had to look away. I have no idea why, but generally it's not for a good reason.

Hugs to you as you move. It will be good.

Wondering how your move went? I think of you often.

I think your relationship with D is a relationship that might have been when you were both younger but life took you both in different directions. Other couples that knew each other when they were younger find each other when they are older. Why not you and D.
I am not sure ALS has much to do with it at all. It is great that he has agreed to move closer to you!
Hey Lenore! I haven't posted any updates lately, but I moved last year too. The beast came just when my kids were getting ready to fly the nest. After Jim died, I was all alone in a 5 br/3.5ba house. (My son did come home from college for a while during COVID.) I was hemming and hawing about moving, then my Mom died. She had moved to our town years earlier to be closer to us. I ended up buying her (smaller) house. The move has been good. I also "un-retired". I had left my job when he couldn't be alone in 2016. I used to work in tech as a software engineer. Now I work part-time at a residential treatment center for boys, doing whatever needs doing. I used to make in a day what I now make for 2 weeks. But I'm fine with that. I keep telling anyone who'll listen. In the end, all the money in the world doesn't matter. Being happy and healthy does!

Cheers to you on your new adventure! Do what makes you happy! ❤
Not open for further replies.