Ltc is the last thing to consider please help

[azita]

Hello there,
this is my first visit to this site. My father was diagnosed in early May 2005. he is 75 but full of life. i'm the only doughter and his only family member here in canada. i'm married, with two girls age 18 and 10. Also i'm running my small business.
I have adobted to the new circumstances fairly well. with 14 hours psw from ccac . at this stage he can not walk at all any more. he has to be fed .and progress of desease has been fast. they told me last week his breathing also is effected.
delima is this .
I like to keep him at his Apartment as long as possible. because he was a big musician in our community and he gets lots of visiting and respect from our community. this give him lots of happiness and he forgets the new challenges. but recently ccas and other source of care are pushing me that his care is beyond bieing at home and i should think of sending him to LTC. please tell me is there any other resources that i should approch to get more care for him. he can not be left alosne and i have hired someone for stayin 4 nights a week from 8pm to 8am with him. other 3 nights i stay with him. and during the day when psw leaves i go to his place and stay there till 8pm.
this is been on going for quiet sometimes now. my famly, especially my husband started to hve som obligations. My business is suffering and he would die in the firstweek i put him to LTC. please let me know if there is other sources.
p.s i have already applied for out reach help and application is in back log

 

[Al]

Hi azita. I'm not in that situation yet but I'm sure some of the others here have been. Keep checking back and I'm sure someone will have some information to help. Good luck.

 

[Mike27]

Hi Azita,

I hope I can offer some sound advice;
My mother, normally a strong independent woman, suffered a series of small strokes resulting in memory problems and a diminished physical capacity. For a time, she stayed in her condo with homecare workers coming in and out for all hours.
I was absolutely on pins and needles worrying about her for the times that homecare was not there. Her Doctor recommended that she go into a continuing care facility. (I’m assuming LTC stands for long term care, I’m not familiar with that term)

I went around and checked them and most were pretty nice! She moved in, un-voluntarily I might add. It’s been difficult as she has lost a certain amount of independence, but on the other hand, she is in a clean place with round the clock care. They have activities planned, where before she sat in her condo 24/7. They have physio and occupational therapy on site as well as hair salons, garden patios and libraries.
She is used to it now, quite happy and made a bunch of new friends. Would she prefer to be back in her condo? Of course. But sometimes the circumstances dictate the situation, and we have to make the tough decision for the benefit of our parents.

It was a hard choice…but the bottom line is she’s healthy, she’s clean, she’s well cared for ‘round the clock and she’s active.
That’s what is important to me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is check out the LTC facilities...they aren’t the nightmares that people make them out to be.

Note- if LTC doesn’t stand for long term care facility, then ignore the above!

Cheers and good luck!

 

[azita]

Re:

Thank you Mike ; for replying to my mesage, I think i'm not ready yet to take this decision. the problem is me. i can not stop feeling guilty and Iblame my husband and my family for not beenig there forme. because if they see i'm suffering and i don'twant to put my father in a long term care facilities, they should be a little bit more cooprative.. even though all cummunity care assisstant service and other heallth provder say and actually pushing me to put him there or even they came with the temperrory stay as it called respit. But i know he will cry in his heart as soon as he finds this our. i'm crying all day and night here and there to make sure non of them would see me.
i'm so delighted since i foud you people. when i go through the forum, it seems only you guy speak my language.
he emotions is so strong the pain is so big. last night when i was trying to take him to the bathroom he fell and it was in the middle of the night and i have to call upon my husband come downstairs and help to lift him. he only give some help like this when i ask for . but i think he is leaving me alone with the tasks around the house and kids and my business and about everything.I think he wants to see how i can survive and if I survie the idea of not leting him go to long term care.
I tried to talk to him this mornning and complainning about the situation, but he only replies that I imagennijng this and he is as helpful as it takes. He even float the idea of if i'm bothering you, maybe i should just leave you alone for sometimes and sort of these kind of what is the easy way out quotations. God I never thought of these days.
sorry and thanks, I needed to talk to someone.
My mother, normally a strong independent woman, suffered a series of small strokes resulting in memory problems and a diminished physical capacity. For a time, she stayed in her condo with homecare workers coming in and out for all hours.
I was absolutely on pins and needles worrying about her for the times that homecare was not there. Her Doctor recommended that she go into a continuing care facility. (I’m assuming LTC stands for long term care, I’m not familiar with that term)

I went around and checked them and most were pretty nice! She moved in, un-voluntarily I might add. It’s been difficult as she has lost a certain amount of independence, but on the other hand, she is in a clean place with round the clock care. They have activities planned, where before she sat in her condo 24/7. They have physio and occupational therapy on site as well as hair salons, garden patios and libraries.
She is used to it now, quite happy and made a bunch of new friends. Would she prefer to be back in her condo? Of course. But sometimes the circumstances dictate the situation, and we have to make the tough decision for the benefit of our parents.

It was a hard choice…but the bottom line is she’s healthy, she’s clean, she’s well cared for ‘round the clock and she’s active.
That’s what is important to me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is check out the LTC facilities...they aren’t the nightmares that people make them out to be.

Note- if LTC doesn’t stand for long term care facility, then ignore the above!

Cheers and good luck!

 

[TBear]

Hi Azita:

You are in Toronto, so I'm assuming that you are taking your dad to the ALS clinic at Sunnybrook. Myrna, the coordinator of the clinic is very approachable and objective. If you explain your situation to her when you are there, she might be able to steer you in the right direction... and maybe give you some insight into finding respit care that you may be able to take advantage of... just to see how it works out.
Not everybody is a natural caregiver... I'm not sure that I could handle much for my father in law either... but I would be able to help my wife!
Take care and good luck.

T.

 

[Suzanna]

Hello there,
this is my first visit to this site. My father was diagnosed in early May 2005. he is 75 but full of life. i'm the only doughter and his only family member here in canada. i'm married, with two girls age 18 and 10. Also i'm running my small business.
I have adobted to the new circumstances fairly well. with 14 hours psw from ccac . at this stage he can not walk at all any more. he has to be fed .and progress of desease has been fast. they told me last week his breathing also is effected.
delima is this .
I like to keep him at his Apartment as long as possible. because he was a big musician in our community and he gets lots of visiting and respect from our community. this give him lots of happiness and he forgets the new challenges. but recently ccas and other source of care are pushing me that his care is beyond bieing at home and i should think of sending him to LTC. please tell me is there any other resources that i should approch to get more care for him. he can not be left alosne and i have hired someone for stayin 4 nights a week from 8pm to 8am with him. other 3 nights i stay with him. and during the day when psw leaves i go to his place and stay there till 8pm.
this is been on going for quiet sometimes now. my famly, especially my husband started to hve som obligations. My business is suffering and he would die in the firstweek i put him to LTC. please let me know if there is other sources.
p.s i have already applied for out reach help and application is in back log

I will kill myself before I go into LTC!l