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New member
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2008
- Messages
- 2
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Country
- US
- State
- FL
- City
- PC
My family has always had a torrid past. My dad has been diagnosed with ALS for a little over 2 years now. He has the fast progressing kind and is completely dependant on others. Both me and my brother are away at college and my mother still lives at home with my dad.
My parents have always had a rough marriage. I never thought there was much love between them, I believe they only stayed together out of obligation. My mom started to have a drinking problem when I was 15. Now she is his main advocate.
I am writing this because I am LOST. I do not know what to do. On one hand my mom is sober most of the time, we have hospice and nurses at our house daily. She is his hands, his coordinator, his lifeline to the world. On the other hand she is bitter, angry, and inconsiderate.
I feel guilt for not trying to fix my mom's alcohol problem before my dad got sick. Had I, he might have a better quality of life now. But hindsight is 20/20. My mom is still working and is under a lot of stress. Telling her to seek counseling is like talking to a brick wall, she simply doesn't have time.
I love my dad. I want to see him happy. If I put my mom in rehab, he will have no one to coordinate his care. If I keep my mom in charge, I am fearful that she will be unfit to care for him when he needs her most. Anything in the middle is seen as a burden to her and false hope to my dad.
I love her for being such an advocate for him... she has gotten him continuous care, gotten him his wheelchair, driven him around, taken the veteran-ALS connection to politicians. As my dad said, "she will move mountains to have me cared for by other people."
But I hate her for arguing with him, for making him ask for things, for drinking, for acting like simple tasks are such an inconvenience to her. How do you criticize someone for their attitude and drinking when they are still working and getting everything my dad needs to be as comfortable as possible?
My dad is miserable, and while he has confided this in me, he doesn't want me to do anything. But I can't sit here and do nothing, but I also don't want to make anything worse for him. Any advice would help.
My parents have always had a rough marriage. I never thought there was much love between them, I believe they only stayed together out of obligation. My mom started to have a drinking problem when I was 15. Now she is his main advocate.
I am writing this because I am LOST. I do not know what to do. On one hand my mom is sober most of the time, we have hospice and nurses at our house daily. She is his hands, his coordinator, his lifeline to the world. On the other hand she is bitter, angry, and inconsiderate.
I feel guilt for not trying to fix my mom's alcohol problem before my dad got sick. Had I, he might have a better quality of life now. But hindsight is 20/20. My mom is still working and is under a lot of stress. Telling her to seek counseling is like talking to a brick wall, she simply doesn't have time.
I love my dad. I want to see him happy. If I put my mom in rehab, he will have no one to coordinate his care. If I keep my mom in charge, I am fearful that she will be unfit to care for him when he needs her most. Anything in the middle is seen as a burden to her and false hope to my dad.
I love her for being such an advocate for him... she has gotten him continuous care, gotten him his wheelchair, driven him around, taken the veteran-ALS connection to politicians. As my dad said, "she will move mountains to have me cared for by other people."
But I hate her for arguing with him, for making him ask for things, for drinking, for acting like simple tasks are such an inconvenience to her. How do you criticize someone for their attitude and drinking when they are still working and getting everything my dad needs to be as comfortable as possible?
My dad is miserable, and while he has confided this in me, he doesn't want me to do anything. But I can't sit here and do nothing, but I also don't want to make anything worse for him. Any advice would help.