KatieNBoyd
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2015
- Messages
- 151
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 11/2015
- Country
- US
- State
- MT
- City
- Boyd
Here I am going on 9 months since my PALS death
I have gone to grief counseling, I see a therapist and I write in my journal. There is the part of me that knows that I did every thing I was suppose to do. But there is the part of me that repeats over and over the night Jon died.
I got him ready for bed after he had walked in to the dining room with his walker dressed in his boxers and fuzzy socks. He had not eaten since November. I gave him an orange tootise roll pop. He crunched it and drooled all over himself but he seriously enjoyed it. We went to bed. I got him settled in his hospital bed and laid in the twin bed next to him, as we had been doing since beginning Hospice in August. No trilogy (he refused to use it the last few weeks) early in the morning I remember hearing something. I remember thinking that he was just clearing his throat like he always did. Then I went back to sleep. When I woke up he had died.
I wish I had said “good bye” when I heard him, I wish I had given him that last kiss. Do you think they know that we weren’t there? Or do they feel so comfortable knowing that we are alright?
How do the rest of you deal with it when you were not there when your PALS passed on?
I have gone to grief counseling, I see a therapist and I write in my journal. There is the part of me that knows that I did every thing I was suppose to do. But there is the part of me that repeats over and over the night Jon died.
I got him ready for bed after he had walked in to the dining room with his walker dressed in his boxers and fuzzy socks. He had not eaten since November. I gave him an orange tootise roll pop. He crunched it and drooled all over himself but he seriously enjoyed it. We went to bed. I got him settled in his hospital bed and laid in the twin bed next to him, as we had been doing since beginning Hospice in August. No trilogy (he refused to use it the last few weeks) early in the morning I remember hearing something. I remember thinking that he was just clearing his throat like he always did. Then I went back to sleep. When I woke up he had died.
I wish I had said “good bye” when I heard him, I wish I had given him that last kiss. Do you think they know that we weren’t there? Or do they feel so comfortable knowing that we are alright?
How do the rest of you deal with it when you were not there when your PALS passed on?