Just venting

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hjlindley

Senior member
Joined
Dec 1, 2011
Messages
761
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2011
Country
US
State
VA
City
Richmond
I was always the one that helped my BFF do the dishes and put things away after New Years Eve. I know where everything goes. for all these years, I've had her back. clearing tables. help serving, opening wine bottles. I was always the one she could count on. Now, I know that if I try to help, I will prbably drop soemthing. I can get up and down, but move so clumsily and slowly that I am in the way.

I know I am lucky that I can still walk and talk. I know that I am blessed to have wonderful friends and some independance left. I really am greatful that this is moving slwoly. But sometimes it feels like water torture....each drip takes one more small function. And it never stops dripping.

Most of the tiime I can stay positive, but wathcing my friend work so hard and not being able to help her really hurt. Well, some days are better than others, and tommmorw will be better than today.

Thanks, PALS, for letting me vent. I know you understand.
 
I know your frustration. This monster seems raise its head when we want to things we loved to the most. Sitting back and delegating is hard but gets better. My family has always teased about my lists. This year the asked for them. I'm learning that everything doesn't have be done the way I did it....tough but I'm getting better. Some of our best family times was the years we worked together for our annual Christmas party open house the Sunday before Christmas for our neighbors and friends that we had for twenty years. The boys made the fancy appitzers that took the most time then helped serve at the party. The last few years the booted me of my kitchen when the first friends came. The last year we had 80 guests and announced it was the last party. Too much work! Now we bake Christmas cookies on that day. Much nicer! Hang in there...it does get easier. Save your energy for hugs and smiles to show your love.
 
Thanks. It is strangley comforting to know someone really understands. I have no kids and we have only been married 2 years. I was always the strong one and now this. One day at a time.
 
It's a tough one to sit back and let others take over. We did not bake Christmas cookies this year but I think I was the only one who really missed them. A few friends and neighbors did drop of some home made goodies which felt really strange as that was always a role I enjoyed. We did share a wonderful few days with everyone together and that was amazing! My youngest daughter did help the grand kids make cake pops and they had a ball with decorating them in colored candy icing and a ton of colored sprinkles. It was a joy to watch their faces as the three of them worked together on this project and a riot to watch the adult faces as we tried to bite into their sparkly creations! Too many sprinkles = a cement like coating! We need to remember that it's the process that counts.
Some days are harder than others for counting blessings.
We may yet bake a batch or two of some old Christmas favorites. Several of the recipes freeze well and I'll be able to share them with a couple of dear friends who plan to visit in January.
 
I hear ya! It has always been my absolute pleasure to have people over for dinner and throw holiday parties and the like. The frequent dinner invitations are now once every few months, and the invitees know they will have to help take things in and out of the oven and take the heavy things to the table. I did manage to pull together our open house on my own this year, but with a lot of prep for an entire week! I declared it will be the last one because it was just too much and I was worthless for days afterward. So for New Years I consented to go to someone else's party, but felt like a putz the whole time since I could not help with manhandling all those delicate (and heavy) dishes and glasses (note to self, start bringing my own plastic cup with straw to other people's houses!) to the table and then to the sink. Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier in time, so I try to console myself with that, but it doesn't make the process any more pleasant. Hugs to you... let's keep hangin' in there!
 
I know exactly how you feel, I'm tired of being tired, of not being able to lift a pan from the stove, and I'm still doing most of it, just exhausting. The kids or their Dad have to put the spaghetti pot full of water on and off the stove, etc. It's hard to sit and feel exhausted for doing something so little. I'm in bed now, as I'm tired from making pancakes this morning and running the dishwasher, and then going to my brother's house and eating! Praying for a treatment this year!
 
I so feel all of you I am so frustrated I can't talk so I have to write or type everything I have always been very independent now I can't even take a bath by myself. I have a certain way of doing things Folding towels for one thing. I like them folded a certain way. Just looks neat and organized. Now my SIL is cleaning cooking and doing laundry. When she started I showed her how I wanted the towels folded how naive I am of course she as her way of doing thing and she is helping us so when I saw her folding them her way it kinda got to me for a minute then I thought shut up ***** (me) she is helping you. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. I have learned humility I drop everything I pick up and am constantly falling I have learned to laugh I try to stay positive. But it sometimes feels good to just sit and scream at the world and cry then I get on here go to the jokes thread or tea party and happiness thread and realize I am not alone
 
Venting is good!..I so can relate. Learning to let things go is the hardest thing to do. No cookies for everyone from me this year, just couldn't do it after too many years to recall. All those little things we use to do and can no longer do is so frustrating. Like you said somedays are better than others. I am tired of being tired. One day at a time is no easy task either. Hang in there...we all are trying too. You are not alone, vent away anytime. Fellow venter
 
The holidays have always been the time of year when I go crazy with decorating and entertaining. This year I had to sit and watch my husband putting up the decorations and tree. I had to bite my tongue many times, but it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme if two silver ornaments are next to one another or not. No parties this year, so I've started giving my grandchildren the family silver, crystal and good dishes. One day at a time -- and if God leads to it, He'll lead ya' trough it.

Happy New Year to all.
 
It is frustrating to be able to do things that you have always done. I hate that my husband, daughter, and son have to do the things that I've always done. They have been wonderful about it and don't complain. It doesn't bother me that they don't do things the way I do. I've always looked at it as if they are the one doing it then they can do it how they want. Honestly it doesn't matter how the towels are folded as long as they are folded. Part of that comes from a grandmother who was an extreme perfectionist. I don't want my perfectionism to create problems with the relationships of those I depend on. I just wish my grandmother had figured that one out.
 
my first holday that I havent baked and done a turkey for Christmas and ham and scallop potatoes for years. Always large groups for all of them. Had myself a real "pity party" for a few hours then it passed and am ok now.

One of the problems I have is "fits of laughter" at inappropriate but friends are forgiving. I learned at a big dinner I can also have outbusrts of crying for little or no reason. It is frustrating and embarrassing that I dont feel comfortable amongst strangers. I use enjoy meeting new people but now I feel I may be an embarrasment to friends but they assure Im not
 
One of the things that scares me the most is I have no kids, no siblings, no inlaws, just my husband, who works full time. He doesn't see the frustration of trying to empty the washer, open my yogurt, ask a stranger to open a wtaer bottle, cook dinner, clean the dogs ears, fasten the leash to the dog and then not get pulled over. He says he realizes how difficult things are getting, but he refuses to talk about his fears or feelings. He is kind and helpful when he is here, but I am scared that as things get worse, he will will be overwhelmed.
 
I understand there is medication for the laughing/crying jags. I am sure someone here knows more than I do, but at least you may be able to treat that. Pals?
 
He WILL be overwhelmed at times, and will need to develop a support network to pitch in. Many of the things you mention can be done by a helper that you can hire for a couple hours here and there until you need more. You don't need a nurse, just a helper.

Men typically have a hard time expressing their feelings, so I suggest just being in gratitude and telling him how much you appreciate all of his help.

God bless,
Barbara
 
My husband is paying his sister to say with me. He worked this arrangement out to help her as she was not working as well as help us. My mother would be here if we let her everyone else my husband has said. Promised he will call them when we need them...... good thing I love my inlaws
 
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