Just so sad

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starente15

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My father can no longer speak and has been writing notes on a board. Yesterday hospice said it could be a day or a week but he his steadily declining. Every time he writes something I'm terrified it may be his "last words". A few minutes ago he rang his bell and when I went he asked for the board. He wrote, "if your mother needs help, how will she find me". I've totally lost it.

They've been together almost fifty years and I know she has no idea how To go on without him. She's depended on him for everything and I know he's held on this long, even though he's suffering, because he doesn't want to leave her alone.
 

Nikki J

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So sorry all you can do besides love him is promise to take care of her. Sorry it is so hard
Hugs
 

cheerleader

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Star, your mom WILL be okay. We were married 54 years - and I've never lived alone before but.....she will find her way because she'll have no choice, just as I have. Is it easy? Nope. Is it lonely? You bet! Are there frustrations, daily tears, feelings of being overwhelmed? Yep to all of those. But trust that if she raised a great kid like you, and her marriage survived all these years, she has fortitude and strength to survive anything. My girls both said their dad went on as long as he did because he didn't want to leave me alone, too. So trust your mom and just call her regularly to let her talk when this is through ( never really through because the hole will always remain, but....). Please reassure your dad that you will be there for your mom- those are words he needs to hear over and over so he can go peacefully. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. If your mom ever needs to talk to someone who has been there, pm me with her phone number. Hugs and admiration is sent to you all. Donna
 

fionae

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Dearest one,

I truly believe that Nikki and Donna know.

I am so extremely sorry for the very deep pain you are going through. I wish I could somehow take it away from you.

Love,
Laura.
 

lgelb

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Like Donna, Star, though your mom would not likely take us up on it, happy to provide a "yes, you can go on" pep talk (only 32y for me). But as we've said, you owe it to both of them, and yourself not least, to help him [and her] move on. If I saw that on a board, I would say, "Dad, she's listened and watched and been with you for XX years. She'll always be able to find you, just on the inside."
 

scaredwifetx

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Star, I think and pray for you each day. I know it must be so hard trying to be there for both of them and trying to deal with your own loss. With a daughter as kind and caring as you your mother make it through this. Yes, her life will never be the same but she has a beautiful daughter by her side. The only time my husband has broke down since his diagnosis is when he talked about leaving me here alone. Since that day I have not let him know once that I can't make it without him. Reassure your father that you will be there for your mother and that she will always be able to find him in her heart. Let him know that it is ok for him to go peacefully. My heart so goes out to you. It is so hard to watch both of your parents in so much pain. The strength you have shown through this will carry your mom. I consider myself privileged to read your posts and to know how much you love and care for your parents. The love between your parents and you are proof that your father will always be with you.
 

Atsugi

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"She'll always be able to find you, just on the inside." True for sure.

And, as unimaginable as it seems now, time does heal. Eventually the sad images recede and the happy images remain.

I now recall my wife's last words with humor. They were were spelled out the day before she died. ITCHBUTT. Now I think that's funny as hell. It really sums up the ease with which we got along for so many years.
 

affected

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I would have lost it too Star.

Your mum is indeed going to grieve hard and it will be incredibly difficult for her.
But she will find a way, and you and the family will support her.

You dad is a real gem that he is so concerned about her while facing his own huge ordeal and death. I hope that will give her some comfort once he is gone.

More hugs, I've had you high in my thoughts even though I've been rather absent from here with net issues xxx
 

Nuts

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Star, so many wise words have already been written. I'll echo them: assure your dad that you will be there and so will he--forever. This journey has toughened your mom in ways she doesn't even realize. I especially like Laurie's approach, that your mom has learned from your dad and his words and actions will come back to her when she needs them.

Have we told you what a wonderful daughter you are?
 

gooseberry

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When my son son tells me he will miss his his dad, I always remind him him he will be in our memories and hearts.....and photos. Star, she will always be able to find him because she is a part of him. Hugs, Steph
 

starente15

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Thank you everyone for your kind words. It means so much to have support here. Most days I am at my wits end trying to deal with all of this. My father seems to have gotten his second wind and wants to fight. He's not sleeping a lot and is asking for all kinds of things including meds he no longer needs to take. It's so hard to watch and not be able to do anything for him. :(
 

Green Queen

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Star, I cannot even begin to imagine.
I think you are doing everything for him, just by being there.
Keep smiling for him.
God bless, Janelle x
 
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