just found out

[AMM]

I found out six days ago that my dad has ALS. I know what it means and reading the posts on this forum has helped me alot. I live in Spain and my parents live in Scotland so I needed to hear that my family wasn't alone. All I know at the moment for sure, is that this illness is heartbreaking. I return home in a few weeks for the Christmas holidays but it's not enough. My dad loved it when I moved away! He loves coming for long holidays (he is a teacher so has plenty of them) and his dream was to retire and spend even more time here, with the grand-kids. But I haven't got there yet for him, as he continually reminds me. What about walking me down the aisle, teaching his 'grandchildren'and going walks with them? He doesn't want me to leave my life here but it feels wrong, we will miss so much in the future. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts anon.

 

[buf68]

I have to say, I was worried about similiar things when my dad was first diagnosed. I didn't even have a boyfriend, let alone hope to get married before he was unable to walk....but God stepped in, my husband and I found eachother about 6 months after my dad was diagnosed and got married about 4 months ago. My dad walked me down the aisle with a walker and very slowly, and even gave me away (he practiced "her mother and I" at home to make sure it was loud and articulate enough). Things will work out. It's hard to be so far from your family, you just have to go with your instincts and talk it out with your mom (in my experience your dad will always tell you no, probably saying he doesn't want to be a burden). Just take it day by day.

 

[CindyM]

Hi Anon. Welcome to the forum. I hope we will be able to offer the support you need as you and you Dad go through this this time of great loss. You are right-there is a lot to be sad about and a lot to miss. Please stay in touch.

 

[TBear]

Hi AMM:
It's heartbreaking if you let it be. Ryan Air has lots of cheap flights north if need be. I'll bet you're able to get home pretty much at the drop of a hat! As long as your dad is well cared for when he needs it, he'll be okay! What you can do best is live your life to the fullest... and when you go "home" to vist bring good Rioja and, if possible, some warm sun to shine up his kilt! Teachers always seem to need to be caring about somebody else... my wife was one and was only content when everyone around her was "in order".

Good luck
T.

 

[sara06]

Anon, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It's really not fair, but everything happens for a reason. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, we have a 3 year old daughter, I lived with my parents and he lived with his. When my mother was diagnosed in December of last year, we actually considered rushing into a wedding so that she could be there. ALS is hereditary in my family and noone has made it passed 13 months. So we knew we didn't have long. But my mom wouldn't let me do that just for her. And to be honest I'm glad I didn't. I love Brandon, but I'm just not ready to be married to him yet. My mom passed away 1 week after my brother's wedding. Sometimes I actually find myself crying and having a pity party knowing that she won't be able to be there or give me her opinions on details for mine. I valued her input so much. Now there is times when I remember a question I had for her and forgot to ask, or a question that only she knows the answer to. I don't me to be pessimistic, but if you have the opportunity to spend this time with your dad, I think you should take it. I took care of my mother 24 hrs a day for 8 months, and I still feel like I didn't have enough time. I did the best I could to make sure I had no regrets when she passed, but that's an impossible expectation. Best of luck to you and your family!

Sara

 

[Al]

Hi Anon. I am a father with ALS myself. I live in Canada and my son lives in the Philippines. When I was diagnosed he suggested coming home but he has a life there with his business and wife and daughter. I told him to stay and come home more often. He hasn't been home since August 05 but is coming home today for 5 weeks, a 21 hour flight. His wife and daughter are coming too and our daughter is expecting her first child within a couple of weeks so it will be a happy time. We learn to take our blessings as we get them. Ask your dad what he would like. I think he will want things as they are. Come home more often and don't feel guilty. If you have no reason to stay in Spain then that's different but it sounds like you have a life there so if I was your dad I'd be telling you to stay there. We're all different and have different circumstances but that's my take on the situation. AL.

 

[sufernan]

Hello Annon!
What a small world, I am originally from Spain but live in Toronto Canada. My husband and I married after he was diagnosing with ALS, we had being together for 2 years before that. He was able to walk with me in front of our families and our wedding day was the best day of my life after the day our son was born. Yes, We also had a son together! he is not 2 yrs old. Daniel died a year ago. You never know what life will bring you and your dad. Sorry you have to be here but I am glad you found us.