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Icanmanz

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Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
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Texas
City
Tomball
This is in memory to my dear son Rudy, as many of you know, he passed on this day at 5:50 pm, on a Sunday. I still miss him a lot. I see him only in my dreams. Thank God for that! I have poured my heart out time and time again on this forum, so I am sure many of you already know what I have been through. My previous posts tells it all.

I would like to share a dream that I had of my son this past Friday night. I drove over to my son, Shannon's house with a heavy heart. I wanted to be near a son, and Shannon is all I have left. I spent the night with them. The night that I stayed with them I had a dream of Rudy. I dreamed that I was in bed, and I saw my son coming into my bedroom. He asked me if he could lay down with me, and I said, "Sure, go ahead. I don't mind." He climbed in bed, I had my back to him, and then I felt his hand on my shoulder, and he said to me, "Mom, there is something that I need to tell you. I'd like for you to know that you were such a good mom to me, and I love you a lot. I want you to know that I love you." I turned to him, and told him I loved him. too. Then he took my hand, and placed it close to his neck, and I felt a lump there. I asked him if it hurt. He told me it was part of the illness that he had, and that it was not hurting anymore. He told me the pain was gone. I woke up, wondering why I was having such dream! I went back to sleep, and thought to myself, "Only a dream." Oh, I forgot to mention, in this dream Rudy appeared to be in his late teens or twenties.

Went back to sleep, and started to dream of him again, and it was taking place in the same house, except that he was 8 or 9 years old in this dream. I dreamed that my brother, his favorite uncle and God Parent was in the hallway, dressed to go to work. Rudy asked him, aren't you staying home with us today? My brother told him he had to go to work, and would be back later. Then he asked my brother if he could climb in bed with his Aunt Mary, my bro said yeah. So off he went, jumped in bed. Again, I woke up, and said to myself, "Another dream, but strange!"

Went back to sleep, and had a third dream of Rudy again, and in the same house! This time my Mom (deceased) was sitting on her bed, my 2 sisters and I were standing around Rudy (looked to be 8 yrs). He was the center of attraction, he was so happy. He was so excited as he was telling us how beautiful it was where he went, and had to go back. He told us that he could not stay with us, and had to go back. He walked up to me, and hugged me, and told me,"Promise me one thing Mom, that you will write to me in heaven, you don't have to know the address, I will get it." His heart was beating fast, and I asked him why, he told me he was happy because he was going back Home. I woke up, said a prayer to my son, and thanked him and our Father for letting me know he is okay. I strongly believe in dreams.

This is for my son:

THE BROKEN CHAIN

We little knew that afternoon that God was going to call your name,
I life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called you Home.

You left us peaceful memories, your love is till our guide,
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems to be the same,
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

Love.........Mom, Dad, and Shannon

Missing you! It is now 5:00 pm dear. In about 50 minutes it will mark the very day!
 

fiddleplayer51

Distinguished member
Joined
Mar 24, 2008
Messages
337
Diagnosis
03/2008
Country
US
State
VA
City
Harrisonburg
Peace to you, Irma, and to your family. And thus begins a new year. I wish you strength and healing in the coming year as the cycle repeats itself.
Jane
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
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Texas
City
Tomball
Thank you Jane, and God bless!

Irma
 

trying to stay positive

Distinguished member
Joined
Sep 17, 2007
Messages
300
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
08/2007
Country
US
State
Illinois
City
Chicago area
Hi Irma,

What a beautiful poem! I too, am a great believer in dreams. My SIL passed from ovarian cancer a year ago February, also on a Sunday afternoon. That night I had a dream that my phone rang. I answered "hello?" The voice on the other end said "hi." It was my SIL's voice. I said "Nora, is that YOU?" And she said "yes, I just wanted to let you know that I'm OK." Then the dream ended. I believe that spirit lives on, and when we are receptive, we can feel, hear, recieve messages through dreams, etc. Your love for Rudy is so strong. I'm sure you will continue to be comforted by his presence throughout your life. You have made it through that first extremely difficult year, and are stronger than ever. My prayers are with you. God bless you Irma.

P.S. Do you remember telling me about the Memories of Love foundation that Rudy utilized? Well, my family leaves for Disney in a few days through the foundation.

Linda
 

trustinggod

Distinguished member
Joined
Oct 21, 2006
Messages
154
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
US
State
CA
City
Lake Forest
Thinking of you today

Dear Irma,

You've made it through the hardest year. Although it's not easy, each new day brings another dose of healing and acceptance. I wish you peace and joy as you begin a "new year" without your precious son Rudy.

Having lost a few close family members, as well as Linda (my PALS), over the past five years, I've gained a new found appreciation for the simple joys in life. I don't know how I missed the awesome tranquility of a sunrise or the incredible beauty of a sunset
all these years but somehow I just didn't notice. Now when I see such things I am reminded of the fragile nature of life and see each new day as a very precious gift to be lived to the fullest one day at a time. Perhaps it's simply the process of aging but I choose to believe that it's wisdom gained through the pain of losing people we love
to an untimely death.

I'll pray extra for you tonight sweet Irma.

May God bless you and keep you.

Jeanne
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
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Texas
City
Tomball
Oh wow, Linda! I am so happy to hear that your family is going to Disney. I will be praying for you guys! Let me know how everything goes. God bless! Thanks for replying to my post!

Irma
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
State
Texas
City
Tomball
Jeanne, thank you so much! You are so good with words! Love your post. Yes, I have made it through the first year. I don't know how many times I looked at the clock all day long! Yes, my son is in Paradise, my dreams tell me so. I feel so much better when I dream about him. God bless you all, you guys have been so good to me. My son had a beautiful day today, he had quite a few visitors today (his grave). I was there Sunday, was planning on going today, but once my phone started ringing, I could not leave the house. Between phone calls and emails today, geez I just could not leave. My son's birthday is on the 18th of this month, I will visit his grave then. Friends and relatives kept calling me today to let me know they were visiting his grave. His 18 year old daughter was one of them, she called me from the cemetery to tell me how much she liked my son's grave marker with his picture on it. Poor baby she started crying. It makes me feel so good that he is not forgotten. As long as I am alive his memory will not fade. Love you guys, and God bless! We (Als Forum) are such a wonderful bunch, aren't we? I am so glad I joined. This board is so good for the heart and mind!

Irma
 

freddiesnetty

Distinguished member
Joined
Nov 2, 2007
Messages
239
Diagnosis
12/2006
Country
US
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Tx
City
Houston
you are a wonderful person!

All I can say is that I LOVE YOU! I thought of you and know that you were hurting but just know the pain is gone as I sit and watch Freddie........You know what I am going through... I hope that you can come and see us....Freddie so wants to meet you...I can not type, my eyes are so filled with tears....Come and celebrate Freddies b-day it is on the 26th of June and how I so want him to have this one.....
God Bless You!
Netty
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
State
Texas
City
Tomball
Hi Annette, thank you so much for replying. God bless you and my dear friend Freddie. I would like for you to get close to him, and give him a hug, and a peck on the cheek for me! I had quite a busy day yesterday. I was home all day, but I went from the computer to the phone all day, oh and glued to the clock. When the clock struck 5:50 pm I stopped short, said a prayer for my son, and talked to him for a while. I relived the moments when I watched him depart, and the weather was just like it was then. I sat out on the porch as it was getting dark, and pictured the coroner's vehicle as it pulled up, and took my son away. It was not easy annette, but I made it through the day.

Oh yes, I would love to meet you and Freddie. Rudy's and Freddie's birthdays are 8 days apart. What a coincidence! I am still going to enlarge a photo of my son, frame it, and present it to you and Freddie. Tell Freddie we love him, and have been keeping him in my prayers. I really, really enjoyed talking to him the other day. Annete please keep me posted on Freddie's health. God bless you folks.

Irma
 

olly

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
2,732
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2007
Country
uk
State
uk
City
uk
dear irma
just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you . your son was clearly a very special person and will always be in your life with all the fond memories you have.
godbless
caroline
 

CindyM

Moderator emeritus
Joined
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Messages
3,543
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Learn about ALS
Country
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New England
City
Anytown
Hi Irma- hope you are having a good day today. The first anniversary is never easy. I have lost a couple of loved ones and, in my experience, it was always easier for me to let down my load of grief after one of those vivid dreams. Don't know why but those dreams helped me move on. Maybe those who departed did not want me to grieve too hard.

Hugs, Cindy
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
State
Texas
City
Tomball
Hi olly! God bless you for your kindness and time for me and my dear son. I feel as if he is looking over my shoulder reading these posts, and in my mind I go, "Here Rudy! Look at this one! Isn't it nice?" Deep down I know they are aware, we may not see them, but they are here. They soar, they stand by you, they guide you, they send you messages via dreams, but they never leave you. Again, thank you dear, and God bless!

Irma
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
State
Texas
City
Tomball
Hi, Cindy! Cindy, you are such a dear heart. God blessed you with this God given grace to give others good advice. You put words together in such a graceful manner that it leaves me in total awe! Thank you oh so much for replying to my post, and yes I feel much better today. I made it through the first year. I am starting a new year, this is when my New Year begins. Am I making sense? I stay busy with my son's memory, always doing something. I am planning on another celebration for my son next year. I am sort of excited. Am I bad for saying that? Hope not!

You guys have been so good to me, how can anyone expect for me to leave this forum? No way? This forum is already a part of my everyday life, and am always looking forward to it. You can tell by my posts! LOL! You guys are probably thinking, "When does she make time for her own place?" It is just that this forum, and the members mean so much to me. God bless you guys! You folks are doing a beautiful job!

Irma
 

CindyM

Moderator emeritus
Joined
Sep 17, 2006
Messages
3,543
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Learn about ALS
Country
US
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City
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Thank you Irma. I hope you know I was talking about how dreams of my loved ones helped me move on from my load of grief, as it were.

Like all of our CALS who once cared for a PAL, your input always helps around here! :-D
 
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