Jokes Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.

frankb

Senior member
Joined
Jun 8, 2011
Messages
587
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2010
Country
US
State
Georgia
City
Sandy Springs
I don't understand why the Jokes Thread was locked, so, let's start another ! !

The musical didrector wasn't happy with the performance of one of the precussionists. Repeated attempts to get the drummer to improve failed. Finally, in front of the orchestra, the director said in frustration, "when a musician just can't handle his instrument, they take it away, give him to sticks and make him a drummer!"
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "and if he can't handle that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."
 

cervus

Senior member
Joined
Mar 18, 2011
Messages
935
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
11/2010
Country
CA
State
AB
City
Leduc County
Thanks, Frank! Great start!

Hello Kiwisally!
 

Toto's Dorothy

Very helpful member
Joined
Jan 31, 2012
Messages
1,033
Diagnosis
11/2008
Country
US
State
Kansas
City
Emerald
Good one Frank. I will have to tell my girls that as they were all in the school band, 2 playing percussion.
 

marypat

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
287
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2010
Country
US
State
OHIO
City
london
Med school exam


Several young men intent on going to medical school; the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.

One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of human body that is more useful when erect."

Those who spelled "SPINE" became Doctors ... The rest ended up in Congress
 

CindyRN

Distinguished member
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
110
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
01/2012
Country
US
State
Montana
City
Great Falls
Good One Marypat!
 

frankb

Senior member
Joined
Jun 8, 2011
Messages
587
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2010
Country
US
State
Georgia
City
Sandy Springs
great one, Marypat. I laughed yesterday and am laughing again today ! !
 

marypat

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
287
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2010
Country
US
State
OHIO
City
london
"Testicle Therapy"

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.
At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken!
 

vzandt

Senior member
Joined
Nov 12, 2011
Messages
582
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
04/2010
Country
US
State
N.H.
City
Noneknown
Just read that one to my husband Marypat. He laughed out loud. I love it when he laughs out loud.
 

marypat

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
287
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2010
Country
US
State
OHIO
City
london
mine did too! glad to share the smiles
 

peter57

Distinguished member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
434
Reason
DX UMND/PLS
Diagnosis
10/2008
Country
AUS
State
S.A.
City
Millicent
Hears one from "down under"



Kia Ora you fullahs (and gidday dingos)
Three Australians and three Maori's are travelling by train to a
Rugby match at the World Cup in England . At the station, the three
Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three Maori's buy just one
Ticket between them.

"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks
One of the Aussies. "Watch and learn bro," answers one of the Maori's

They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats
But all three Maori's cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
Collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket
Please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket
In hand. The conductor takes the ticket and moves on.

The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after
The game, they decide to go one better on the return trip and save
Some money (being clever with money, and all that).

When they get to the station for the return trip, the Maoris buy a single
Ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Aussies don't buy
A ticket at all!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed
Maori.

"Watch and learn bro, " answers an Aussie ...

When they board the train the three Aussies cram into a toilet and
Soon after the three Maori's cram into another nearby. The train
Departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Aussies leaves the toilet and walks
Over to the toilet where the Maoris are hiding. He knocks on the door
And says, "Ticket please."



Cheers :lol:

Peter
 

cervus

Senior member
Joined
Mar 18, 2011
Messages
935
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
11/2010
Country
CA
State
AB
City
Leduc County
Tsk tsk! Good one!
 

momap53

Very helpful member
Joined
Jul 2, 2011
Messages
1,663
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2011
Country
US
State
GA
City
EGA
Very good, guys! Keep 'em coming!
 

CindyRN

Distinguished member
Joined
Jul 5, 2012
Messages
110
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
01/2012
Country
US
State
Montana
City
Great Falls
Good ones Marypat and Peter!
 

marypat

Distinguished member
Joined
Jan 3, 2012
Messages
287
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
11/2010
Country
US
State
OHIO
City
london
lov it peter!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top