ottawa girl
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That's a good one Mary Pat - laughed out loud and will be sending it on to my former running buddies. Thanks!
Jokes Thread!
- Thread starter brooksea
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peter57
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THE IRISH 999 CALL
An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife.
He immediately dials 999.
Irishman: ''It's my fooken wife! I've accidentally shot her, I've fooken killed her!''
Operator: ''Please calm down Sir. Can you first make sure she is actually dead!''
*click* .. *BANG*
Irishman: ''Okay, I've done dat. What next?''
cheers
Peter
An Irishman is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife.
He immediately dials 999.
Irishman: ''It's my fooken wife! I've accidentally shot her, I've fooken killed her!''
Operator: ''Please calm down Sir. Can you first make sure she is actually dead!''
*click* .. *BANG*
Irishman: ''Okay, I've done dat. What next?''
cheers
Peter
peter57
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Here is another one.
Apologies to all that have trouble in that area. I do from time to time.
i thought this might lighten your day.
Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room, taking a shower after their bomb making class in Melbourne, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his bum!
If you don't mind my asking said the second, 'That cork looks uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?'
'I regret I cannot', lamented the first Arab. 'It is permanently stuck in my bum.'
'I do not understand,' said the other.
The first Arab explains, 'I was walking along Russell Street and tripped over an oil lamp.
There was a puff of smoke and a huge old man in an Australian Flag attire, with a white beard and Akubra hat came boiling out.
He said, 'I am Captain Aussie, the Genie. I can grant you one wish only...'
I said, 'No shit?'
Cheers :grin:
Peter
Apologies to all that have trouble in that area. I do from time to time.
i thought this might lighten your day.
Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room, taking a shower after their bomb making class in Melbourne, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his bum!
If you don't mind my asking said the second, 'That cork looks uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?'
'I regret I cannot', lamented the first Arab. 'It is permanently stuck in my bum.'
'I do not understand,' said the other.
The first Arab explains, 'I was walking along Russell Street and tripped over an oil lamp.
There was a puff of smoke and a huge old man in an Australian Flag attire, with a white beard and Akubra hat came boiling out.
He said, 'I am Captain Aussie, the Genie. I can grant you one wish only...'
I said, 'No shit?'
Cheers :grin:
Peter
Sharks1967
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Ha ha got a good laugh from that!
ottawa girl
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PETER 57 - Good one. No shit!
_____________________________________
Female to Male Translation
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
_____________________________________
Female to Male Translation
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
ottawa girl
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Hey -
I can still take off my clothes - but getting up from the floor would be a challenge!
But, I can still dream (some may call is fantasizing... in blue! :lol:
).
Gentleman Jim
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Two cannables were eating a clown: The one cannable says to the other one, "Does this guy taste funny to you?"
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