It's been two months

[Renee24angela]

My mother was diagnosed September 2012 and passed December 1 2014 at 11 pm. Although her official time of death is midnight, December 2... Which was my 25th birthday. She was 53 years young. This is the first support forum I had visited. I then found an ALS caregivers page on Facebook which was a little easier to access from my cell phone. I do remember the support I received on this forum. While my mom was fighting her battle I had moved in with her and took care of her.... Her last year. Which was the hardest as she lost all of her muscle use. What I remember is I was having trouble with a boyfriend and venting on this forum. Someone had told me I would find someone who was more supportive... Who would dry my tears. I forgot my original username so I have no way to access my old account to find that individual who was absolutely right! After I moved in with my mom I found out my boyfriend of 7 years was cheating on me. ( perfect timing right?) so now I actually found someone who treats me the way I should be treated and is more than I could ask for.... But back to my moms story .... She went into a coma like state two days before her passing. I talked to her ... Held her had ... Said that the best birthday gift would be to know she is no longer suffering. It's like I was ready... I hated seeing my own mother so helpless ... I was wore down .. Tired ... I didn't cry much the following days of her passing. But now I feel it. I miss her . The old her before this disease took everything. I didn't think I needed grievance counseling ... I got off of antidepressants .. Recently found a job ... Hope it's not gonna be too much. She was my everything.

 

[4tloml]

I'm so sorry for your great loss. You are so young to have been through this, but you sound like you've grown stronger and wiser over the past year. Please give yourself time to grieve. There is no timetable to be met. Sometimes it washes over us like a tidal wave; sometimes it's a tender ache--and that can go on for a long time. I still have my PALS (husband) with me, but I've lost a parent I cared for, and was surprised at how after I thought I'd done all the grieving I had to do, hearing or seeing something would trigger a memory and that sense of loss would slice through me again.

Please make sure you have people in your life you can share your feelings with--who will just listen and be with you when you need them. And there are grief counselors with hospice and other organizations who can help if we feel stuck or overwhelmed (that is not unusual). Be gentle with yourself, as you were with your mother, and in time, you will fully embrace and live the whole and healthy life your mother would want for you. That is how you will honor her memory the very best!

Peace and good wishes to you.

 

[Gembead]

Sorry about your mum Renee, but very happy for you regarding the new BFriend. Best of luck with your new job I hope it all goes well.
Love Gem

 

[affected]

Angela, so good to see you back here.

I remember your journey with your mum at the fb page. I am sorry I wasn't really around there at the time as my Chris passed April last year.

I can tell you that it's really normal to feel pretty numb the first month or so. For me it began to hit about the 3rd month.

You are amongst friends here

Tillie (Katrina Jeffery on fb)

 

[Nuts]

Rene, it seems that at the time of your mom's passing your thoughts were on her need to be free. Now you remember her as she was, and you are grieving for yourself. You've lost her yet again. I hope that your new love and job will fill your life and allow you to move forward. Try to remember that she is free and would want to look down on you making a wonderful new life. Hugs.

 

[Nikki J]

Very sorry. It does get better with time but it has been very traumatic so healing is not quick and there is always a scar unfortunately. I believe you were AngelaRenee before. I can not merge accounts but if you want to browse your old threads go to community tab click on members and search that name

 

[Barbie]

REnee I remember you here. I am very sorry about your mom. you are a strong young woman and I know she was so proud of you. what you did and gave up for her is such great love.

as far as the BF goes--good riddance to bad rubbish as my mom would say. you will find a much better catch out there!

 

[affected]

Now we need to get this straight, I remember the name as being Angela as her first name, Renee as the second name ...

Which is it Renee24angela?

 

[Loverly]

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 

[Renee24angela]

Thank you all for your kind words. Yes the name is Angela and middle is Renee. Having a hard time getting to sleep tonight. Miss my mom so much. thinking how it's just not fair. She was supposed to grow old and be there for me when I raise my children. Remember how she told me she wanted the golden years. Now of course I can only remember the end. How she was kind of in and out of it. How I wish I could have heard her speak her last words. Then again all of you can relate. How terrible this disease is. I feel for everyone. The hardest thing I ever had to do is watch ALS take my sweet mom. The one who would tell at me for procrastinating in school but would stay up all night with me finishing projects. The sweetest person I ever met in my life thus far. Love you all.

 

[Renee24angela]

I know that it's good she's not suffering. It just really hurts. I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself it's just hard. I hurt. Maybe I should seek grievance counseling. Thank you again everyone and I'm very sorry for everyone's losses.

 

[Barbie]

angela, I have often heard from former cals that as time passes, the memories of the bitter end are washed away and the good memories from better times remain. I hope that is t he way it will be for you. you really did a great job for your mom so be kind to your self.